Changing The Weather

Just out from a drop in the ocean, it seems harmless but yet somehow it changes the form of peacefulness that lies there. Most of the time it sounded like something that doesn't matter to anyone at all. Maybe to some others, it will still doesn't matter somehow. I wasn't gonna say anything about it at first. But I feel that the more I kept myself in this place, I won't able to understand how what others think.

Before I go on, I send my heart out to all that were affected by the Santa Monica shooting. 4 lives were taken, and may all the survivor be well at all times.

I couldn't really understand what are some of my friends were trying to talk me out from my citizenship. Not because that I would have a better quality of life or some sort. But just because of the continuous shooting spree going on. But I just didn't say anything to the matter. Cuz somehow I know what the answer they will give isn't gonna be any relevant to what I have in mind. I wasn't leaving because of the political issue, or work or even for a better quality of living. A big part is just on a matter that I am not proud of going everywhere to shout about it. But the thing that is bothering me is where are the compassion that a human could give to the others that were suffering out there.

This matter isn't just about Santa Monica, from Boston till the Texas tragedy. It really put me to wonder where does humanity stand when it comes to the pain of others. Everything that happen around us, some people will just made it something from conspiracy to utterly rude remarks given. I am not saying the conspiracy were fake or real, it isn't the issue. But why humanity evolves into such ugly state?

Even from my own suffering, I made an effort to try relief and help others that were going through the same thing. I am actively involve in a few bodies around. From It Gets Better Project for the young LGBTs to Relay For Life for the cancer survivors out there. The point isn't about what I wanna show the world on what I am trying to do. But what really bothers me is whenever something bad does happen, these group of people will somehow just shoot you down. Am I doing any part wrongly to make it better?

Life isn't an easy thing to go through. But I do believe with compassion and love, somehow it might make things a little better. Everyone is hurt in the world, so what is wrong with sharing a little bit more love? I know there isn't a black and white answer for this. It will lies between the grey area. But all I am trying to say why I know I am doing the right thing but it feels so bad by doing it?

I too wish one day there will be a cure for cancer. No one would understood what physical or emotional pain when they are going through treatments. I wish one day there will be a cure for HIV. I couldn't understand what pain or how torturing to live with it. But I can see someone I care and love going through it and I can't possibly do anything. I wish one day there will be a cure for hate. Every hate pushes someone to the edge. And who knows what will happen next. I know I should be angry at the shooters or bombers. But why should we judge? What should we judge them on? Don't we all are to be blame too? Everyone has a trigger, but what triggers them to do such hateful evil to the world?

Every hate is just one step of making havoc a reality. I wanna make it feels better. But why do I feel like I am doing it wrong? Why do I feel broken here?