Clarity

In the mist of everything that is happening around, I realize I blur the lines in between my condition and many other things. I guess that partially it is a way of expression I usually do when it comes to music. I had a crash and the pain attacks that hit me last night. It was bad but wasn't unbearable. I kinda let myself drown with some of my own music.

I somehow got that out of my mind I was different. I let myself go. It isn't a right or wrong thing. It is just somehow when it hits I was ready for it. Was really blessed that my brother and Dumdum was here around. I just didn't wanna wake my parents. And of course when I came home in the morning, they will give me their usual frown. But I think it is worth to take that decision.

Fall is here. Would slowly see the leaves turning yellow. And my favorite season will be here in 3 more months time. I am still not sure that will I be in Boston this coming winter. Missing all the snow and fire place with my big three. Lets just say, I will have to wait till the doctor giving me clearance.

Starting to feel the nice cold breeze on my face, I just feeling blessed with what I am having now. 9 more days to go, and I have not break the news to Mr D. I just got no idea how to do it I suppose. Maybe in times that will be easier for him. I know he would understand if he knows. I couldn't bear to put more on his already heavy shoulders. I hope today would be a better one for him back in KL.

I wish this clarity of what I am feeling now stays on. The past few weeks, I have made a few new friends via blogging. It is just really peaceful when knowing what and how life can be. The perspective in life for every different soul. Leaning part of growing up, the way to accept oneself. I see that no matter how hard life could throw challenges for any soul, the support and love among humans are the factors that is driving everyone are essential. Even sometimes, a beautiful "Good Morning" from a stranger puts that big smile on our faces. The bonding of everyone breathing on earth.

I still remember the speech by the first lady of America - Michelle Obama's speech at the Democratic National Conference 2012. It was a class above all and inspiring. I suddenly do miss life back in the states. It is how the culture and people's bonding among all. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter who you love. What matters is what we could do more. No matter how far the journey it would be, it matters that what we could do for a better future for generations to come. The hard work we put in will pay off. It is just a matter of time. Don't get me wrong, I do not hate my own country. But it is just sad to me. As far, blaming game and slandering are the way of how the people in my own country does. I have not come across one soul that says what more I could do for my country to make it better. I know out there, there will be people who thinks that. Just wishes that that spirit roar brighter among us. Maybe one day. One day...

I am repulse by restrictions, maybe that is my excuse for now. Lying here on the bed, I know how beautiful and wonderful life is. Understand that when things are taken from you, something new will be given in the strangest way when we never expect. Grateful with every breath I am taking in. Smiling to start another beautiful day. Life will go on no matter what we choose. And I choose to live in it than seeing it live through time. I wanna live in it, I wanna leave a foot print saying I was here.