2 More Days

2 more days and I will be away for some time. I really tried to keep myself positive. Everything was going well till daddy came to me. Once he finished what he wanted to say, my tears just kept flowing. I really wanted to tell him that all is gonna be alright. But he just shut me up. Told me to say nothing at all. And come what may.

I feel the whole world collapse in and I knew the love from them were so strong. I just couldn't stop thinking about everything he said. It was just beautiful. I really tried not to cry but I just couldn't hold it in. Daddy, I just wanted to say I really love you very much. Without you, I am just nothing at all.

Sept 11th is a scar to my family. But we pull it through. We all knew that this is what best for us. Isiah won't want us to mourned for him. I wouldn't say we did a great job. But we manage. I was holding back not to write anything at all here yesterday. We didn't really talk but in our eyes, we knew that it still hurt even after 11 years now. But nothing would stop us from giving our all to live the life he never had. We just miss you a lot Isiah. Especially mommy. I know she does every single day.

Just 2 more days, I really wish it is easy for me to go through it now. I am not afraid, but I am just feeling numb. I remember the moment that Baby J once told me, you have to hold on to yourself. That is the only way you would pull through anything. I am trying just to feel as neutral as possible at the moment. I really wanted is all of these are over.

I wanted to take that mask down. But I got no idea how. Maybe it is just a defense mechanism. Defending myself from failing. I wish sometimes word could describe the pressure was on me. But there are non that fits. Just trying to pull it through everyday.