Thai Airways Unveils Details of its A380 Fleet.

Thai Airways International held a pre-launch reception last night (Wednesday, 29 August 2012) to showcase its first Airbus A380-800 aircraft and new products and services.

Thai Airways has configured all six of its A380s scheduled to join the fleet between this year and next with 507 seats in three classes: 12 in Royal First Class, 60 in Royal Silk Class, and 435 in Economy Class.

Thai Airways will take delivery of its first A380-800 on 27 September 2012, it will then take delivery of an additional three A380s during the 2012 Winter Program, with a further two A380s to be delivered in 2013.

First Flights to Hong Kong and Singapore

THAI’s first Airbus A380-800 will operate flights to and from Bangkok-Hong Kong and Bangkok-Singapore beginning 6 October 2012. Upon delivery of the second aircraft in approximately mid-December 2012, THAI will operate to and from Bangkok-Frankfurt as well as to and from Bangkok-Hong Kong. In January 2013, THAI will begin operating the Airbus A380-800 to and from Bangkok-Narita and to and from Bangkok-Paris in February 2013.

The Three Classes

- Royal First Class is fitted with 12 seats that recline 180 degrees, have 83-inch pitch, 26.5-inch seat width, with semi-privacy conventional configuration, have the latest Audio Video On Demand (AVOD) ex2 system with a 23 inch personal entertainment screen that offers 100 movies, 150 television programs, 500 CD albums, and 60 games. Passengers have more personal storage area in Royal First Class, with individual coat storage, in addition to internet connection, Wi-Fi, enables mobile phone use on board, and an electric socket. First Class also features a Royal First Class Bar, spacious lavatory/dressing room, and a Royal First Lounge onboard that serves as a multipurpose area.

- Royal Silk Class is equipped with 60 seats that recline 180 degrees, have 74 inch pitch, 20 inch seat width, with staggered seat configuration for easy access, have 15 inch personal entertainment screen with the AVOD ex2 system that offers the same number of audio and video selection as Royal First Class, complete with a Royal Silk Bar. More personal storage area is provided, along with internet connection, Wi-Fi, mobile phone use on board, and electric socket.

- Economy Class is configured with 435 seats, with 58 seats in the upper deck area and 377 seats in the lower deck or main passenger cabin area, have 32-inch pitch, 18-inch seat width, have 10.6-inch personal entertainment screen with the AVOD ex2 system that offers the same number of audio and video selection as Royal First Class and Royal Silk Class. There is internet connection, Wi-Fi, mobile phone use on board, and electric socket.

What Is Your Problem?

Stealing some time I have now to write this post. I just feel like exploding this morning! It is utterly rude and very inconsiderate to say such thing like that. I wonder sometimes are they really dumb or they are just that ignorant. I really don't understand what is going on in their mind.

I knew that they flew in to visit and all. But sometimes, I really wish to tear their mouth up and just give them a good tight slap. But I could say I am lucky to have my parents around to defend me. That is the only thing that really warm my heart up.

Somehow, I don't know is the generation gap or they are just stupid talking in front of me as if I couldn't hear what they are talking! I was lying there on the bed when they visit. It was like a zoo visit for them. I don't know what is their deal. It really annoys me that they just couldn't stop talking.

It all started with concerns. Then asking about the condition that I was going through. Then, they become doctors. Started to ask my parents about my life style and all. The most stupid question they ask was this.

" I think is because he is gay. He is not normal. That is why his condition doesn't really improved. Maybe should try some medication that can alter him "

I find this super offensive! What the fuck are they thinking? I was about to snap there and letting out my usual temper. My mom kinda step in to this.

I do not think it is a problem. He is perfectly normal. He eats, he walks, he fucks, he swear and he doesn't give a damn on what you think. So I think he is very normal. At least he is not retarded to think what went through that brain of yours.

Yes, that was the exact words came out from my mom. I was like game on MOM!! You rock! I should have took the picture of their faces at that point. It was priceless. Sometimes at points I really wish they these people were just in my position and feel what I felt if someone else did the same thing. But anyhow I am really blessed that my mom is at my back. I am just glad that they are here with me.

Anyhow, just wanna rant. Gonna get back to work.

Gone Too Soon

Listening to this song bring tears to me. I was doing some work and digging into the library for reference. After listening to this song, I kinda knew that knowing what others does won't really help me much. I need to find that part of me which I need to be with now. Why this song would touched others? It is a relatively easy to answer. It is a very honest song by a father's heart. For those who have lost their child. 

Immediately it struck me that I need to keep on breathing no matter what or how my condition is at this present moment. It is pure grief of a father from the tune. I put it back on my parents and I knew nothing could describe from that pain that they will have to go through. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. The words are just piercingly painful.

Today is my fifth dosage here. There are so much going on within. I wanted to reach out but somehow, it just didn't really happen. I lie here in the ward thinking to myself. What if... what if... what if... But it never ends. I wish I could possible pour out everything here. But I just somehow couldn't. I felt that everything is gone. There isn't a space I could just be me. I feel trapped. Helpless. 

Maybe like my younger brother told me. Use this as an inspiration to write my m usic. I couldn't possible tap into the other emotion at the moment. Might as well as make use of this trapped "me" and utilize it. Yeah.. Maybe he is right. But for now, I just wish this dosage is over. Luckily Blogger has their own app. The only for me to let this part of me go freely. I wish everything would be how it was. Leaving behind that a past I couldn't possibly change. Looking around and tell me what you see? Everything, everything but me.

Today could've been the day
That you blow out your candles
Make a wish as you close your eyes
Today could've been the day
Everybody was laughin'
Instead I just sit here and cry
Who would you be?
What would you look like
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon

Would you have been president?
Or a painter, an author or sing like your mother
One thing is evident
Would've given all I had

Would've loved ya like no other
Who would you be?
What would you look like?
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon

Not a day goes by,
I'm always asking why,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a beautiful life we never knew
Gone too soon
You were gone too soon

And not a day goes by
That I don't think of you

Attacked

Everything was just fine hours ago. And out of no where, my emotions just changed. I really wish all these emotions will just leave me alone. Everything felt like it doesn't meant anything at all. I wish I knew why.

The pain returned and it is still bearable. But why do I feel all these mixed feeling. It's like my heart sank into a deep realm. I really couldn't explained at all. Of all the emotions that I am feeling, there is one that is quite clear. Hopelessness.

I really hate the fact all these emotions are so random. And it just screw me over out of the blue. I really wish Mr D is here now. Maybe he would be able to tell me why is all these crap going on. I really needed an emotion adjustment if there is such word. I was never in control and I wanna be. But how could I do so? I really wish I knew how.

Start Of Something Good

Honestly the last quarter of the year is usually the craziest time. There are so much that is needed to be done with. I am actually kinda hyped up with the crazy time table and datelines that needed to meet. But today, taking a break and I wanna celebrate one great artist with you guys. A new single is being released. Start Of Something Good by Chris Daughtry. I am actually amazed that Chris still have the time to read all the tweets and all. I am very honored to have his retweet within seconds I posted mine. Thank you Chris!

Chris is one of the most successful artist from AI. Clear honesty of emotions from his music. Nothing to hide and rich in his own touch. To be honest, I never had that chance to work with him just yet but hopefully one day. But this song is really a good one. One of my favorites from his latest album Break The Spell. I guess it is just a Capricorn thing. You listen to it and you will understand why I say so. What is in the music of the same star sign. 

I guess this song is pretty straight forward. Somehow, it just cross my mind to share this to someone who is very fond to me. He has a lot to lose. For his own reasons. But I just wonder why he never sees that. But somehow, he is just someone I will never abandon in life. A great friend to me. If you are reading this, I think you know what I meant. Sometimes, we don't really talked much. But you know no matter what, I am here. 

No matter what, I just want you to know that it doesn't matter who you are with. What matters most is who you are happy with. 

You never know when you're gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world, in a moment, comes undone
You're just walking around then suddenly
Everything that you thought that you knew about love is gone
You find out it's all been wrong
And all my scars don't seem to matter anymore
'Cause they led me here to you

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
Don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe that
This could be the start of something good

Everyone knows life has it's ups and downs
One day you're on top of the world
Then one day you're the clown
Well, I've been both enough to know
That you don't wanna get in the way when it's working out
The way that it is right now
You see my heart, I wear it on my sleeve
'Cause I just can't hide it anymore

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
I don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe that
This could be the start

'Cause I don't know where it's going
There's a part of me that loves not knowing
Just don't let it end before we begin
You never know when you're gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
I don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe
Oh, I'm starting to believe
That this could be the start of something good

Stronger Than Ever

Music always open up many doors of emotions. Maybe not to all but to me it does. Or maybe because I am in the industry, it is something I have to face up everyday in my life. Today isn't really an easy day for me. It isn't the end of the day and I am already at a point where I would just snap up. But I kinda needed this now.

First thing today is some visits of the ones that you don't really wanna see. I know that they flew in from another country but to me, it is just like wanna know whats going on. I don't really feel like talking about it now. All I could summarize is I felt like I am a Zoo that they just enjoy visiting.

I also had a call from my producer this morning. We talked a fair bit and I guess he is right. Time for me to tap into the part where I was running away from all year. And I laid down and think, why am I fearing to tap into those realms? Would I wanna be just another puppet like what happened? Or I need to do what I usually do best. So I popped into my iTunes and selecting a few albums to try getting some inspiration. 

I have kinda choose a few pop rock artists. From Alecia Beth Moore, Linda Perry to Christina Aguilera. I somehow hooked on this song - Stronger Than Ever. By just listening to the song without the singer. Just the music. The emotions that is being build up inside. I feel it flowing through me. It was just really simple. But I wonder how did "N" actually appear in my mind. And I played with the singer this time. Somehow I understood. Why everything is building and to a boiling point. Somehow this is what I really really appreciate music. It is like a language. Everything make sense. Without words. I remembered every memory that I have. The good ones, painful ones, humiliating ones, and even shameful ones. 

I know that this somehow is another crappy post. Sorry that I might be wasting time again talking about things that is irrelevant. Just really need to let it all out. But anyhow, it is a good song. Hope you guys like it.

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

Addiction

I guess when it comes to this word, it brings a lot of things that many of us doesn't wanna face. But no worries, this isn't about preaching any more. I guess to me, we make our own decision. I am writing this post cause I kinda had a heart felt conversation with my mom. I guess it all started with that stupid intervention we had earlier. Somehow, it just made me wanna ask them about all the things I have told them. I wonder that do they really take it seriously or just didn't pay any attention on it. 

Somehow, I was having addiction problems in the past. In many ways, whatever I have said, it is all crap to be honest. From my previous post Dealing With Drugs Issue. As a sober man, I say that is all CRAP!!!! I was clearly having addiction problems. And yet that part of being in denial and wanting a reason to do so. Even now, I can say, I will always be an addict. Deny it all you want, but even when you are sober, deep down there is a place like you are standing at the edge wanting it! Yes even now, I still have that. 

But many asked from time to time, how did I get my edge off? It is not an easy way out. 

I made too many broken promises to myself in the past. At first, I say, I promise that this would be my last dosage. Then, things we kinda fucked up back then, I made myself another promise that I wanna stop after things are getting better. I need it for now. Then later, when things started to get into place. I was still doing it, now for the reason of it excites the stimulation of having sex. Then I promise myself yet again will stop when... the list goes on. 

I clearly had an addiction back then. I have a problem which I didn't think I had. I may not get caught and all but it is not over but until I take responsibility of how low I sink, it is not over. After I figure out that I am not so good in keeping promises myself, I need to start making them to others like my family. I did came out to them about my addiction and all. And that is when I stopped. Till now, it has been successfully 11 months being sober and clean. I don't know how to deal with that urge sometimes when you are on the edge. But keeping that promise to them meant everything to me. 

That is why I need to talk to my mom about it again. I must know that they know it was a promise I made to them cause I am a lousy person when keeping promises to myself. I just had to know she really take note on that promise I made.

I would say, everyone has their own reasons and own thinking of it. I couldn't possibly do anything more to help. But I know I stop making excuses to myself and keeping that promise to the person who gave life to me. There isn't any way better than I thought. Any how, being in the entertainment industry I am being exposed to this environment even easier than anyone else. But to me now, it isn't any better way for me to stay sober than this. I know that trust is so hard to earn from those you promise to. 

Whenever you think you are in control, you are obviously fucked up. Just from years of doing it. I am never am happier than I am now. Your life is worth the few months of recovery for your substance abuse problem. Whether you are 15 or 50, substance abuse will not go away on its own. It is a life long recovery. 

Intervention

Whenever this word comes up! I will always looking for the hole for me to climb out from it. It all started during lunch that we just ended.

Mom : Boy, your dad and I thinks you need your intervention.
Me    : Not again...

I wanted to like wheel myself out from the restaurant! It was mad! I wonder sometimes where did they ever come up with those conclusions. I am just speechless. I don't deny that sometimes whenever the pain attacks occurs, I will snap and just shut down. And of all people, I thought they knew. Somehow they didn't!

The recent attacks was just last night and yes, I snap again. I somewhat just couldn't control that. But the funny thing is those questions that comes out from my mom and dad.

Mom  : Boy, I think you need to get your sex life back! Your mood swings is getting outta control
Dad    : Boy, it is not wrong to have sex you know. Go get it!
Mom  : Yes, it is very natural! Even you don't have a partner now, you can just get any guy you wanted!
Dad    : Yeah, you should know we are ok with that!
Mom  : But you must remember that safe sex comes first!
Dad    : Maybe it is not such a good idea to have random sex.
Mom  : What era are you from?
Dad    : Look at him, he is still our boy!
Mom  : Oh please! He couldn't even count how many people he ever had sex with!
Dad    : That doesn't mean he have to do it now right? Maybe we should think again about it!
Mom  : It is just sex! He is a big boy now!
Dad    : Hmm... I wonder... Which role would he be!
Me     : DAD!!!!!!!!! Please.. I am having my lunch!
Mom  : Common! We wanna know more. It is just sex!
Dad    : Maybe he is right! Leave him alone.
Mom  : Boy, he is just old fashion! Don't think about what he says! You just get that balance back in you! I really don't mind! But those bed sheets...

Me    : MOM!!!!!! DAD!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! If you guys are not gonna shut those pie hole, I am changing tables and eat alone! I wanna enjoy my lunch in peace! I am fine! Just please give it a rest!

Mom  : Ok. We are just concern! We love you! You know that right! Anyway, about the role...

Me     : MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just couldn't take it! What is wrong with them! I am so not having sex with anyone with them around! And it isn't about me not having sex and all. Oh my god! I really wanted to just pretend I don't know them at all. Sometimes, having to come out to your parents aren't a good thing! This is the drama I have to take in. I know they love me. But this is just not it! That is how my Sunday brunch goes with them.

Every time the word "Interventions" comes out. I just wish I am not the one they are talking to. Who knows what conclusions they might come up with again.

That is my parent! I love you! But please.. No Interventions!

Just Tired Of Talking

Somewhat now and then, I know it is out of concern, but really at this point, I am just tired of talking on my condition. It is something I couldn't choose about or could control. It is not something I would just forget and think it is okay. I just choose not to talk about it. And somehow, I really don't feel quite comfortable talking about it sometimes. Beside Mr D, I kinda like just brush off the topic every now and then. Even like now, I was hyped up in the morning, and hours later, a pain attacked followed by a fever. Everything is like a roller coaster. What can I say about it? Nothing at all. I just have to go with it.

Why Mr D? I dunno, maybe that is what we really able to share and understand. I just dunno how to put this in words. After a long time, especially after nearly 7 years now, I am kinda like tired about it. When it comes, I filled myself with it. When it goes, I just let it be. I wish I could have better control of it but that isn't my call to make.

Sometimes, I sit here and think, beside the pain that the body is feeling, what else could I talk about? Yes, till now it is still hard but I am still progressing at my own pace. I have my family with me too here and believe me it is harder than anyone would think it is. It is really hard sometimes when you have the family here. You know all they wanted is our well-being. But sometimes, we forget that they are human as well. They also have emotions. And the more you see theirs, the more you would hide yours. I know that they will say I don't have to hide and all but common, being real here, they love us for everything we are. My family accepted me. I am well out and open to them and all. And I could say that I am blessed to have them. But the more you love them, the more you just don't wanna see how hurt they are.

I don't know what am I actually talking about here. I just missed my friends and all. But yet, whenever that "How are you now?" is out, I just shut down. I dunno. I miss Shinigami at the moment. I know that now is a very tight and busy time, but I just wanted to let that mask down somehow. I wish I could. I wish.

Anyway, I know all these crap should just be shut aside and I know I will pull through at least for today. Waiting for lunch now. Somehow, I didn't really enjoy the wheel chair as much as I thought I would. Especially in public in this city. Just felt outta place. Yet, trying to put everything behind and trying not to think at all. Just wanted to have my quiet lunch and get over with it.

Your Body - Christina Aguilera New Single Lyrics

Christina Aguilera is back on business and with a killer single! Produced by Max Martin, the club banger, and sexy song "Your Body" serves as the official lead single from the US pop diva's much-anticipated seventh studio album, due in stores in 2012 via RCA Records! After the huge disappointment of "Not Myself Tonight" (back in the "Bionic" era), Xtina needed to play her cards right if she wanted to nail a comeback for 2012. And so she's found 'the' perfect song, courtesy of hitmaker Max Martin. "Your Body" slays 'til limits unknown! It's hot! I dunno about you guys! But I am loving it! Its on my playlist! By the way, this lyrics that I posted is the clean version. Use your imagination until you listen to the song! I love it!!

I came here tonight to get you out of my mind,
I’m gonna take what I find (uh oh, yeah!)
So open the box, don’t need no key I’m unlocked
And I won’t tell you to stop (uh oh, yeah!)

Hey boy!
I don’t need to know where you’ve been,
All I need to know is you and no need for talking
Hey boy!
So don’t even tell me your name,
All I need to know is whose place,
And let’s get walking...

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

It’s true what you heard, I am a freak, I’m disturbed
So come on and give me your worst (uh oh, yeah)
We’re moving faster than slow,
If you don’t know where to go,
I’ll finish all from my own (uh oh, yeah)

Hey boy!
I don’t need to know where you’ve been,
All I need to know is you and no need for talking
Hey boy!
So don’t even tell me your name,
All I need to know is whose place,
And let’s get walking...
Say say hey...

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

I think you already know my name
I think you already know my name

Hey hey, Ha!, Alright, Say

I think you already know my name

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh, (say)
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
(Say, say, hey)
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it

Keat Hwa Marching Band 2012 Production - Spain (National Championship - Malaysia)

I know this may come a little late after nearly 2 months of the championship. As the championship this year was held in Kuala Terrenganu, the east coast of Malaysia. Top 8 teams qualify for Division One and Top 5 for Division Two. I am dedicating this post to the Division One Champion from Kedah State, SMJK Keat Hwa. Who won the overall title this year.

For my readers who are watching this video above, please do ensure that you are viewing in a higher resolution to listen to the technicality difficulty and maximum enjoyment for the show. I know viewing on video isn't the same as seeing them performing live. It brings you to a different level.

As Marching band is part of what I am passionate of in music. Everything that I am exposed to my early life in Music was Marching Band. Yes, I sounded corny but I admit I am a bandie in the old days. Whenever marching band comes to mind, Most people thinks that Drum Major tossing the mass, under the hot sun march for no reason playing old crappy marches. That was so 80s and 90s. The old days are over. I hope to find a better video to post as this is a close up video with better sound quality. The formations now aren't jus normal marches in boxes and straight lines. The whole production is a complete different show. Every team has 12 minutes to showcase their show. It is how you put people attracted to the show they are playing. How dramatic the music and formations that could catch the attention. Drum Majors are no more in the picture. And with the introduction of Colour Guard few years back. It makes the show interesting.

This year, Keat Hwa a.k.a KHMB showcasing their production theme - Spain.

Sound were solid. The steps were extremely crazy. Technicality wise, it is beyond the standard of secondary school. But there were points that could be sharpen on the whole, a job well done. I love the first movement and last movement a lot. I guess it is how the arrangement is. Crazily powerful. And the last part where the colour guard was thrown over the players. The ending was superb. In many occasions, I wonder where did all these high school students has the ability to like run through out the whole show and playing at the same time. Reminded me of what Nishihara of Japan did in 2010 production. Yes, you didn't read it wrongly. It is running. Not marching. And the solos! MAD!!!

Anyhow this is just a superb show. I know what it did to me was begging for more after it ends. Through out the show, my favorite part is from 8:37 onward. Love their crazy half step and jazz runs. Awesome job!! For those who are wondering what are jazz runs. Here you go. Jazz Runs on wiki.

If you guys wondering who are those fellas walking around while they are performing, they are the field judges.

Just to share with you guys. Anyway, time for bed for me. Nitey!!

Yet Another Tragedy

Another maniac enjoying his 2nd Amendment freedom by shooting people. Awesome. I love the "freedom" that guns give us! Nothing says "freedom" like looking over your shoulder during a visit to NYC and wondering if you're going to get shot. Nothing says "freedom" like going to school and wondering where you can escape if a lunatic starts shooting up the room with a military-grade assault rifle. Nothing says "freedom" like opting to stay at home to watch a movie rather than enjoy a night at the theater because some nut with hurt feelings but lots of guns might take it out on a bunch of innocent friends and families.

We will never be FREE of this gun violence until all guns are banned, confiscated, and the 2nd Amendment overturned. Enough is enough already. First Colorado, then yesterday 19 in Chicago. Now in New York!

What has gone wrong?

Yes, I feel the anger. Because innocent people died from all this crap! What is going on? New York is a Gun-Free-Zone! And yes I am aware that criminals doesn't obey the law. What this is getting out of hand. I am not a citizen of the free country but I lived there. I love everything about this beautiful place but.. I am really out of words to say anything at the moment. My prayers and condolences to the families that suffered from this tragedy. I feel your pain. 

Reported Live on CNN

A woman was killed in the shooting, which occurred as people were lining up to gain entry to the busy tourist destination on 34 Street and Fifth Avenue.

An elevator worker from inside the Empire State Building ran outside and began chasing the alleged shooter, CNN producer Rose Arce said. At some point police, who were apparently inside the building, were alerted and chased and the alleged shooter.

[Updated at 10:33 a.m. ET] The body of the alleged shooter is lying outside the entrance to the Empire State Building after a shooting broke out Friday morning, leaving at least two dead, New York City officials said.

A woman was also killed in the shooting, which occurred as people were lining up to gain entry to the busy tourist destination.

An elevator worker from inside the Empire State Building ran outside and began chasing the alleged shooter, CNN producer Rose Arce said. At some point police, who were apparently inside the building, were alerted and chased and the alleged shooter.

Arce talked to several international tourists who were standing around. "They were completely stunned by what happened and were screaming," Arce reports.

[Updated at 10:17 a.m. ET] Ten people were shot outside the Empire State Building, leaving two dead, including the gunman, New York City officials said.

A witness told CNN she saw a man lying in the middle of the street surrounded by police.

"I saw blood on the sidewalk," Rebecca Fox said. "It was a very surreal scene."

[Updated at 10:09 a.m. ET] A suspect started shooting outside the Empire State Building this morning, killing at least one person, New York city officials say.

The suspect had a "large gun," a witness told CNN.

[Updated at 9:55 a.m. ET] - At least 10 people were shot Friday in front of the Empire State Building in New York Friday morning, the New York Office of Emergency Management said.

A suspect in the shooting was shot and killed by police, New York police said.

Authorities converged on the building around 9 a.m. after reports of gunfire.

A witness told CNN's Rose Arce that the gunman ran after and shot a man in the head. An unarmed guard chased the gunman away, the witness told Arce.

Police have closed several several streets around 5th Avenue and 34th Street in Manhattan.

New York resident Max Kaplan, 22, said he heard at least nine gunshots. He said several ambulances have arrived at the scene.

"We're all very shaken up at the office," he said.

The Empire State Building is one of the most famous skyscrapers in the world, and one of New York City's best-known tourist attractions.

Each year, about 4 million people visit the building's two observation decks. At more than 1,453 feet tall, the landmark building reaches more than a quarter-mile into the sky.

A Laughter Brights Up Every Soul

Laughter is always the best medicine~

I couldn't agree more than that. Somehow that is what friends are for. It all just started with a simple crappy post and she just got struck by it. It was I Dreamed A Dream - Les Mis post. Ok, common, who will love that song if there isn't that connection there.

It started of with just a normal conversation. Something wasn't right at all with her when I hear her voice. Somehow she opened up slowly. Somehow, I couldn't possible not relate to that "Special Connection" that Capricorn and Scorpio always have. I know this isn't all would understand. But that balance point with the two extremes. I feel every part of her that she was yearning for. It isn't anyone's fault but just the build up within her that leads to that breakdown.

Oh lord, the only thing was in my mind was just give her that hug that could calm everything down. But with our location, it isn't possible. Thousand miles away, I was just keep thinking how to make her feel better. But in the end, she did! And she love it and the conversation ended with such non stop laughter.

Sometimes, it isn't easy at all for anyone of us to be at anyone's position. But the thing we share between us is the understanding between us. And I am the only one to have that girl talk with her. (Sounded pathetic for me but true! Lovin it! :p)

The point is no matter where we are, sometimes, it just needed a friend when things looks bad. I know you will be reading this. This song Bella Notte on the playlist is specially for you. I know you will love it! Please read this with ya lappy~ You will hate me more when you hear it. No one would understand why but us! LOL!! I know I love you baby! This is for you!

For my readers wonder what makes her laugh non stop, please copy this link below and check it out. Just type your name and enter!

Try This! You will love it!

Remember this picture years ago from Boston??? Love you babe!! Smile!!!

I Dreamed A Dream - Les Mis

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

"I Dreamed a Dream" is a song from the musical Les Misérables. It is a solo that is sung by the character Fantine during the first act. The music is by Claude-Michel Schönberg, with orchestrations by John Cameron. The English lyrics are by Herbert Kretzmer, based on the original French libretto by Alain Boublil from the original French production. Named J'avais rêvé d'une autre vie

The song is a lament, sung by the anguished, dying and impoverished Fantine, who thinks back to happier days and wonders at all that has gone wrong in her life.

I guess if anyone of us look at the lyrics and listen to how it was being presented, in any of our own ways, we are able to relate to this song somehow. I would say brava to the arranger for Anne Hathaway's version. The intensity of the flow is just amazing. It fits her perfectly. 

As for myself, I guess that would be easy to relate. In the terms of life, love, family, it just fits in. But I am not gonna talk about myself in this post. Or I should rephrase, I will TRY not to talk too much about it. 

Some point in life we will feel that we really grew up a little too fast and sometimes looking back at our own mistakes and all, we feel why could we be that way. I meant I am a dreamer myself. I would live in my own dream world that I build. Somehow being in reality sucks but nothing we could change that. But with a dream we would able to bring that beauty of life in. But we somehow still have to wake up to reality.

I was inspired to write about this song after a close friend of mine who just posted this on facebook. I realize I didn't really named him on my blog yet. Hmm... Lets go on with Sweetie The Lion. :p

But being said that, this song was based on the musical Les Mis. One of the best ever broadway shows I have watched. (Wicked will still be my number one) In the times of revolution in France, they were suffering. But suffering is every where. We suffer. In which extend it differs. But this is just a beauty that if it wasn't being shared. I loved this version so much. I hope all of you love it too.

Some Reasons

Sometimes, it is not easy to keep the composure and pretend that we are just alright. But it is easier to hide within the music we listen to. Or maybe this is a work thing for me. There is a soul who once told me that being emotional is part of my profession of being a song writer. It never really struck me till I hear him saying that to me.

Today, I still miss him. But he really put on a smile on my face whenever I think of Baby J. I learned so much through out the years of being apart from him. Learning the way life could possibly teach us to be. Being weak isn't a reason for us to give up. I must admit maybe I learnt it the hard way. But it molds me into this person I am now.

3 years 4 months now and still counting. I felt the blessing and all with the beauty of his way of teaching me. Maybe I don't make any sense again but it is somehow a way for me to keep going on. What a wonderful life it has been I must say. We are still human aren't we? It is just normal to feel happy, sad, despair, giving up and all. All this sums up and makes us a better person I suppose.

Somehow there is still that anger which is build within. I am trying to control everything of it at the moment. But sometimes, it isn't easy. I know the only victim to my anger are my family members. I could like snap sometimes out of nothing. I am still looking for that peace from music.

I must say, the most played song at the moment is Ashes And Wine on my iTunes. I couldn't help to notice that beautiful lyrics of that song. Something honest, the way of seeing a broken bond. But in a good way. It is funny thing that music could relate to what we feel. I always says that music is a language that we human could use to communicate and understand each other. The beauty of it that the emotions that flows in us when the tunes suck us into it.

Anyhow, for some reasons, I need to stop finding the reason to feel terrible on the bed. I know nothing could change what I am going through right now and I know the only thing I could do is take my first steps and start moving on. I need to change that anger into strength and take the steps I should be. The pain is always there and I must somehow change it into the way life is. Nothing is permanent. And I must see that it is just time for me till I get up.

Light Up My World

Lying here on a beautiful day listening to Levi on my iPod and thinking. Sometimes it would just take a simple thing in life to make us thankful of what we have. There's a certain young blogger that I recently came across. He reminded me of what a beautiful life we are living in. Being stripped down to the core and be who we are.

Remembered once Cornflakes told me that how could we go through things that we couldn't possibly think we could. The consequences and the risk of being weak of to stand up for ourselves. People help the people, if I had the strength to go on.

Closed my eyes and letting the beautiful piano bring me to my. Own world. I wonder sometimes how life would be for me if I hadn't have any of this crap I'm going through now. But yet, the moment came when the only two souls that gives us life, smile and tell us everything will be over soon. Without a doubt, I believed them. I shut out all the thoughts I had earlier. It granted me freedom. There isn't any chances for me to even change my mind. I understood what was the meaning of going on. The reason was just simple. It was love. It is love. Unconditional love. A mothers love.

I guess I am not making any sense again. But looking at a better place, I knew I will not stop living. I will have to embrace the pain. Taking myself to a better place. I kept telling myself, don't tear me down. Don't ever do that. The heart of me within the tune that flows out are the voices of my heart. People understand when they listen to it. Without lyrics, it brings you to where my heart is beating.

Oh well, I'm sorry to write another crappy post. But somehow, I just wanted to let things out. Counting every day. To the day I'm back to where I use to be. I know time is all I needed for now. I miss all of my biggie! I know it may sounded Irrelevant to many but I know those who understand what is this about knows where I am heading to. All I wanna say,

I miss you very much.

Suffocating

Out of no where, I drown myself with old memories. I have been feeling relatively weak these few days. The inflammation is back and the whole body hurts so much. Somehow, yet again I am at that point asking the same old why why why... ...

At a moment, It attacks me out of no where. The dark times were like literally there yet again. Those blackout times. The time when letting myself being lost and all. Trying to put on that face where everyone seems to think I was alright. And I relatively have to accept that how much I screwed up that 2 years being numb. It will be one year soon ever since I sober up. But why I still feel that fear? The fear that was always haunting me. Those dark hours, it was like something surreal. I asked how long more would I have to live like this.

I have 19 more dosage to go from here. But could I possible do so? The body is reacting to the meds. The inflammation is extremely painful to me. And leads to viral infection, fever, and muscle cramps. I feel terrible whenever the pain starts to hit me. Yet it was nothing words could explain.

I know positivity is the key, but in the long run, I am still a lay person. Yet, at this point, I am totally lost. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't move a single limb without any pain. How am I gonna go on from here?

And today is mums birthday. All she did was kissing me on the forehead and look at me. I suppose without writing, everyone somehow would know how that feeling was. I really wish all of these didn't happen to me now.

The Creation

At points where sometimes things just couldn't be explain about how you feel and how to wanna deal with it. I guess I am now yet again at that point. I have been really trying to be optimistic for the past few weeks but it only lasted for like 9 days. But somehow I just couldn't deny that that I am just trying to run away from myself.

I wanted to let myself go sometimes but I just am the way I am. I tried to relived the moments that could possibly help me but I really wanna find that way out. Memories, the sensations that flows through the body. The pain that is just going past every limb in me. I wish I could find that possible way to end all of this. But like I say, sometimes, it just ain't enough for me to do this alone. I wanna just break free.

I trapped myself at this cage that I have build from within. But how do I break free? Somehow I wish I knew. It is like a way for me to keep myself from. Like a fort. The emotions that kept stirring and stirring. All I feel now is just wanted to shout out and ask everyone to give it a rest. The more I am trying to be alright, the more I am not. The more I am trying to be ok, I will just keep pushing myself further into turmoil.

Sitting here at the wee hours of the night. I wish I could really turn things back to where it belong. But will I be able to? I thought that all that I have now would be probably nothing to what I am now. A jerk maybe or worst. Somehow, there will come a time when we look at ourselves and say, "Hey, why should I be ok all the time?" I am tired of being that chirpy one all these time. I wish I could be like this city. Or I should rephrase, we are all like this city. It looks rich and all. But somehow on the inside, an old soul that no one would ever see unless they live with it. Looking what is around me, every turn at every corner, there is a touch of what the scars looks like. It is all around this city. A beautiful yet misunderstood one. Maybe to many, I don't really make any sense but when you feel it, it is just too much and so rich in culture and life.

Someway in many ways, I just couldn't really understand my own feelings right now. Thinking the time I was in New Zealand, everything was simple and beautiful. But everything changed after I came back. But I have no reasons to be mad or anything. I told myself, if it didn't happen, I would not have all this souls in my life now. Especially yours.

GET UP!!!!

Getting all pumped up with Get Up! I think what the hell with the usual mellow songs and post. 
Finished this awesome creation with a great team in London. Kelly as usual being explosive and all. This is gonna be just one of the crazy time we would just wanna get up and jump! Lets do it for the great weekend. 

It doesn’t matter where we go
Silver, blue, white, or where you’re home
It doesn’t matter who you are
You know it coming when you see the star

We’re laying down tracks you’re never gonna walk in
Ahead of our time while you were busy watching
Everybody wants to be a lonestar, a hero
But only Texas has it all!

So get up on your feet (get up, get up)
Now if you wanna scream (get up, get up)
We’re turning up the heat (get up, get up)
Now let me hear you sing (get up, get up)
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be

(Get up, get up. Get up, get up)

It doesn’t matter what you say
We’re growing stronger each and every day
It doesn’t matter how we do it
We came, we saw, we conquered what you couldn’t

We’re laying down tracks you’re never gonna walk in
Ahead of our time while you were busy watching
Everybody wants to be a lonestar, a hero
But only Texas has it all!

So get up on your feet (get up, get up)
Now if you wanna scream (get up, get up)
We’re turning up the heat (get up, get up)
Now let me hear you sing (get up, get up)
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be

I want you on your feet, so if you want it, scream

So get up on your feet (get up, get up)
Now if you wanna scream (get up, get up)
We’re turning up the heat (get up, get up)
Now let me hear you sing (get up, get up)
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be a cowboy, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be

So get up on your feet, yeah
Now if you wanna scream
Oh, we’re turning up the heat
Now let me hear you sing
So get up on your feet (get up, get up)
Now if you wanna scream (get up, get up)
We’re turning up the heat (get up, get up)
Now let me hear you sing (get up, get up)

For You My Friend

when the words are out of reach on the top shelf
when you slam the door, get locked outside from yourself
i still have the spare key that you gave me
i will find a way to get through to you eventually

you can take these things to heart
you can take these things to heart
when the bullets fly, i am on your side
yeah you can take these things to heart

sometimes it's easier to run than to face the truth
sometimes your friends will let you down just to be cruel
when you're sinking like a stone in a deep blue
when you're thinking no one knows you, baby i do 

and you can take these things to heart
you can take these things to heart
when the bullets fly, i am on your side
yeah you can take these things to heart

no one's ever gonna love you like i do
doesn't matter about the mess you're going through
no one's ever gonna love you like i do, like i do, like i do

you can take these things to heart
you can take these things to heart
when the bullets fly, i am on your side
yeah you can take these things to heart

To a very good friend of mine, This is for you. I just wanna let you know I have never been this proud of you. Remember to know that you deserve the best of everything. No matter what it is. You know that you are special as you are. This song comes to me the first time I listen to it. And this is specially dedicated to you. I just want you to know that no matter what it is you are going through, you are not alone. Your smile lights up the room and everything you are isn't being judge by anyone but yourself. You are the most beautiful soul I have ever walked with. Glad that I am your friend. This is for you buddy.

活在當下

「活在當下！」這句話可能是很多人經常朗朗上口的話，但是「活在當下」的意思究竟為何？「為何」以及「如何」活在當下？可能是很少人仔細想過的問題。甚至隨著每個人生命價值觀的差異，我還發現到兩個截然不同的生活方式的人，都可能宣稱自己正「活在當下」。

有一種人宣稱他們活在當下，主要是覺得人生苦短，與其去憂心不可知的未來，不如好好掌握眼前有的東西，讓自己可以每一天都過得很開心。這一類人的優點可能是比較不會有煩惱，而且在當下就可以享受自己所擁有的一切東西，完全不必為明天憂慮！走到極致，這種人是「及時行樂」的人，對於自己的未來缺乏長遠的眼光。

相較之下，另一類宣稱他們也是活在當下的人，除了關心眼前的生活該如何過，也會「觀前顧後」，反省自己過去的種種，並思考未來該如何長遠發展。在第一種人眼中，或許第二種人根本稱不上「活在當下」，因為他們經常沈溺在以往過失的悔恨中，或是為未來該往哪裡去而憂心，以致無法享受當下的生活快樂。

確實，每個人的「現在」都是延伸自「過去」，「未來」則是由「現在」出發。換言之，沒有人可以宣稱自己可以完全不用顧及「過去」而享受「現在」，因為他們所享受的「現在」其實是「過去」所做所為的影響；也沒有人可以天真地不思考「未來」，因為缺少對於自己「未來」的關心，「現在」也不知道該往哪裡去。

那麼，究竟該怎樣活在當下呢？我很喜歡Paulo Coelho在《牧羊少年奇幻之旅》一書中，所提到的一小段故事。當一個占卜者被問到，他是如何解讀未來的預兆時，這位占卜者說：「未來是屬於神的，只有祂才能揭露未來，而且通常是在某種特別的情境下才能揭露。而我是靠什麼去猜測未來？就靠現在看見的預兆。所以，未來的秘密就是現在。如果你專注於現在，就必定能改善現在。而如果你能改善現在，未來就一定會更好。忘記未來吧，只要照神的教誨去過每一天，要相信神會眷顧祂的子民。每一天，都有著它自己的永恆」。

從這小段故事，我延伸出自己對「活在當下」的一些體會：我們應該認真地根據「現在」可見的預兆，去規劃自己最佳的「未來」。因為成功不會無端地從天而降，唯有現在選定了合適的方向，並且努力過好每一天，未來才有可能美夢成真！至於未來是否可能達成理想的目標，則屬「成事在天」原則，最好以信心將結果交托給上帝吧！

對於過去的缺失，如果我們判定那已經是自己有限能力、資源與智慧的限制下，做出最佳的抉擇，那麼我們也可以對它所延伸出當下的傷害釋懷。就像我們不會責難一個一歲的小男孩為何走路會跌倒一樣，因為那是他成長過程中必經之路。

比較需要反省與調整的，是那些過去因為自己任性、無知與不負責，以至現在對自己或身旁的人產生傷害的狀況。處在這種狀態下，「活在當下」絕非對過去完全棄之不顧，只對未來滿懷憧憬。因為沒有找出過去失敗的原因，不但無法改善當下的處境，未來也不可能過得更好。

相反地，我建議這些朋友可以好好靜下來回顧、整理自己現在之所以過得不好的主要原因，就像是數學題目算錯的小學生，最重要的是透過訂正的過程找到盲點，好讓他們未來不會再重蹈覆轍。同樣地，為了避免持續陷入那些可避免的傷害，最重要的是誠實地面對過去的自己，這樣才能夠改變現在，未來也才可能更好

11th Month

Looking back at the beginning of an end, I am pretty glad that so far it has been 11 months now I stayed clean. I am having a lot of physical pain and I couldn't go to sleep. It is nearly midnight now and reading back all the old post here. In many ways, I am kinda proud of my achievement and determination I have made so far.

At my dark times in the past, I was relatively a coward. Wanting an easy way out of the emotion turmoil I caught up in. The easiest way is not to feel at all. How? Drugs. At times, I am still mad. Mad at myself why didn't I have the courage to face what I was in. Yes, no doubt that drugs was able to help me in ways that I myself couldn't imagine. But it wasn't right at all. I put myself in so much danger. Thinking back, I hate that person. I was reckless, relentless, and irresponsible. I didn't care what were the consequences, I put myself in so much danger and I really didn't care much. When I came to a point to tell my parents about it, that face I see was out of words to describe. I really let them down.

But looking back, I knew I couldn't change the past. But I could change my future. Feeling empathy towards the victims (Friends of mine) of it, being enslaved and caught up with many social illnesses, being put on the record, and all. I could say I was lucky enough to hold myself and at many occasions, I was purely lucky. I don't know why am I writing about this at the moment, but with all the physical pain I am going through now, I just feel like pouring everything out.

To be honest, I somehow still have that urge once a while. But I found a way for me to hold back and say no. It was and has been a great strength for me now. Sometimes, it felt funny that why am I so paranoid about this. I guess the heart could only do when you really wanting to help without wanting anything in return. Somehow it helped me. I knew there are people I put my lifeline on as a bet. But they have their downfall too. But what more could I do if they were to fall of the path? I don't know but somehow that faith I have for that person was really strong. No one is perfect. But a heart to a heart, we don't need words to explain why.

Somehow, what I really wanted to say is I am happy with my streak for staying clean. I hope I really had put an end to a that. 11 months and counting. And I am really sorry to waste the time for my readers to read such crap. Just wanted to take it off my chest. Good night.

Battlefield

I know I haven't been writing a lot lately. But sometimes, I just sit there and wonder why am I writing this. Is it truly about letting my emotions flow in words? Or I wanna inspire other souls out there to cope with whatever it is? Or am I seeking attention? To be very honest about it, it is everything above. I mean get real here, we are just too timid and ashamed about the truth but nothing is going to change anything.

Lately, I have been coping with the training of using a wheel chair after my opt since I still couldn't really regain the ability to walk. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. The emotional part that is hard to cope with. And I am pretty annoyed sometimes by the fact most of my friends thinking that traveling around the world for medical purposes is fun! I was like what the fuck is wrong with you? Yes on my trip I did go around to see old friends and all, and this is where I really learned about the power of assumptions. We gotta face it sometimes, we can't help it if others wanted to judge us. But how to pull ourselves together when shit happens?

This is where I stand at the moment. Doing the things that I love, seeing new things and all. And the most important part, coping with myself. I am not gonna elaborate about that excruciating pain that I am going through daily. That is something I gotta learn how to cope with it. But what is really getting outta my hands Is my anger. The frustration of seeing myself, pushing myself to get on my feet and all, and constant failure. I just lose it once rage overpowering myself. I could just snap and cut off. Yes, I am running away from my close friends. Not mainly that they couldn't understand or whatever. It is just there isn't a point to do anything. Yes, the more friends trying to console me, the more frustration I get. The more I listen about what they think, the more I nurture rage. And in the very end, the last four closes friends I had, who never judge, who never just gimme that sympathy, who tried understand what I am going through, who was always by me, I pushed them out. Do I miss them? Everyday! But I really don't know what could I do. It is just too overwhelming for me. And the one I cared for most, who is always there for me, still stood by me. But I think I really distance myself. I know it's stupid to do so, but I couldn't help it either.

I know you will understand. But I just trying to figure out where my future is leading me to and how am I gonna face it. It sounded like an easy task, until you were at that point, no one could really know how that feeling is. I know comparing to the beautiful souls I met through our the years, I am blessed but there is an inner battle I have to fight at the moment. And I am not denying that I am very tired now. I wish I somehow could make it simple and brush it off. But the point is, why am I doing that for? All in my mind now is I just wanted all of these to stop!