I have no idea about others, but for me, the older you grow, the more you know where you wanted your life to head. I grew up in a really small town (Smallest in the whole Malaysia. I would dare anyone if they would say theirs is smaller!) LOL!! Well, maybe this is why I wanted to break free at a very young age. I never really felt I fit in when I was young. Not that I don't love my place. I just felt that I needed to just be me. To do the things I love and excel, and all of these will not happen unless I leave.
But the cliche thing is I still come back here when I am not working. Well, I don't hate the place, I hate the culture here - Kepoh (Busybody). Small place, big mouth. I remembered when I had my first tattoo and the whole town was talking about me joining some mafia. Oh well.. It didn't really bother me.
There are still so much I wanted to do in life, the whole list I had when I was younger, I kept telling myself it will be okay to do it slowly. But once when I was being diagnose, almost half of the list is just like some pretty writing that I can only read without able to do it myself anymore. When you push yourself against all the odds and limits in life, you would actually know how much you wanted life to be. Fuck what others tell you! I always told myself that. I am not saying there isn't a price to pay, but is it all worth it? Definitely so. Maybe it was all I've ever need.
A game of Russian roulette. One in a sixth chance to survived. Pulling that trigger. You will definitely feel alive. Every beat counts, or I should say I wanna make it count. The scary thought of what if won't bother you, all you wanted is that terrifying feeling to vanish and keep on moving. Cliche much?
Well, I really don't know what I am writing anyway. Blame it on the meds or whatever there is. It just felt like there is something in me that I needed to let it out. Just something I wish I could comprehend as well. And I got no idea at all why, I just wish Leo is here right now. Somewhat he would know how to deal with it.
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