Being out for 5 days. What I really feel now it was all the pain going through my veins. There is no glory in this chapter. There isn't anything left for me. It was all drain out of me. For 5 days, it was just peace and now, back to the cold reality.
And so it is, just like you said you will always be there. Sitting around the fire place in a cold winter's day. Watching our kids, Aiden and Alvin sitting there at the center piece playing their toys. It wasn't much that was going on then. No more sounds surrounding me. It was quiet and peaceful. The Boston's skies couldn't get any more blue than it is. The snow that was left from the night on the window pane. I can't take my mind of you.
It went black, I was choking, I couldn't really breath properly. and the next thing I knew, I was pulling out everything they have stuck in my mouth. I felt rage, why do I have to be here again. I couldn't stop my tears. There ain't nothing I could do. The hallow grew bigger, the more I touch it, the deeper it went. For some reason, I just couldn't stop from everything that is going on. But I just wanted it to stop.
The little things that I should have said and done, but I just never took the time. Letting it grow and now where am I? I don't belong to either of these worlds. Standing in between, I couldn't bare to admit to myself that I am lost. In reality, everyone seems happy to see me. I really wanted to say the same. But I can't for now. I can't stop thinking of this part of me that I have just lost. I don't wanna lie and I don't wanna live in it. I don't wanna see anybody at this point. Cause I know, no one would comprehend what just had happen to me. Or I should say, I couldn't even understand it myself for now. Everyone kept telling me that it has been 5 days. but why does it feels like it was only 5 minutes? Eli wasn't there to guide me and I keep asking why. maybe it is just time for me to fuck all excuses and admit that I am fucked up myself. I wanted that peace too desperately. And it all takes just a simple thing to admit it. But do I have the courage to? No. Maybe not now. And yes, I am creating all these excuses for myself. But at least I know I needed to digest everything that is really going on for now.
I just needed a little bit more time. I am still feeling really tired for now. And all that I wanted is just to feel safe. And there ain't no where safer than being in that arms.
And so it is, just like you said you will always be there. Sitting around the fire place in a cold winter's day. Watching our kids, Aiden and Alvin sitting there at the center piece playing their toys. It wasn't much that was going on then. No more sounds surrounding me. It was quiet and peaceful. The Boston's skies couldn't get any more blue than it is. The snow that was left from the night on the window pane. I can't take my mind of you.
It went black, I was choking, I couldn't really breath properly. and the next thing I knew, I was pulling out everything they have stuck in my mouth. I felt rage, why do I have to be here again. I couldn't stop my tears. There ain't nothing I could do. The hallow grew bigger, the more I touch it, the deeper it went. For some reason, I just couldn't stop from everything that is going on. But I just wanted it to stop.
I just needed a little bit more time. I am still feeling really tired for now. And all that I wanted is just to feel safe. And there ain't no where safer than being in that arms.
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