It was like history repeats itself in so many ways. I haven't seen my mother in such state since 2010. Everything seems to be on the high side of the road. The reflection of her worries and fear yet to put on a strong face in front of everyone. As piercingly painful as it is, I know my mom will always be there one who stands there for me even when everything doesn't seems the way it was.
After dinner time, I finally get to have my mother alone with me. Somehow, there was something I got her when I was in Singapore. As an early mother's day gift, I gave her that little small package. Something that I want my mom to remember the time we had all these while. And I finally ask her, "mom, things aren't ok as they seems they are right? What more can I do?"
She didn't say anything back. All she did was stroking my hair and gave my forehead a kiss. The only thing I can do was to smile back to her even how excruciating the pain was and the fear that has grown in me. Somehow, her presence made me feeling calm.
These 2 days past by like no other. The level of physical pain that was going on is unbearable but yet, there ain't anyone could do to make it better. A big part of me was wanting to be free from all of these but yet a sense of grounding was holding me together. And I gotta say a lot of laughter are share by Leo with his "Control Tower" impersonating.
As cold the night would be now, I am still looking for that balance and peace that I really needed. All I really need was "It will be ok son." from my mother but it never came. But I know and understood her intentions. To have lived in her womb for that 9 months, no one would know me better than she does. And there isn't a place safer than being in her arms. Mommy, thank you for being there for me. Especially now.
After dinner time, I finally get to have my mother alone with me. Somehow, there was something I got her when I was in Singapore. As an early mother's day gift, I gave her that little small package. Something that I want my mom to remember the time we had all these while. And I finally ask her, "mom, things aren't ok as they seems they are right? What more can I do?"
She didn't say anything back. All she did was stroking my hair and gave my forehead a kiss. The only thing I can do was to smile back to her even how excruciating the pain was and the fear that has grown in me. Somehow, her presence made me feeling calm.
These 2 days past by like no other. The level of physical pain that was going on is unbearable but yet, there ain't anyone could do to make it better. A big part of me was wanting to be free from all of these but yet a sense of grounding was holding me together. And I gotta say a lot of laughter are share by Leo with his "Control Tower" impersonating.As cold the night would be now, I am still looking for that balance and peace that I really needed. All I really need was "It will be ok son." from my mother but it never came. But I know and understood her intentions. To have lived in her womb for that 9 months, no one would know me better than she does. And there isn't a place safer than being in her arms. Mommy, thank you for being there for me. Especially now.
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