Where Am I?

Starring into the dark night, there is no better time I feel I could be free. No one could see what I've been seeing right in front of me. From everything that has happen so far, no words I could find to describe how I feel. Today is my sixth day since I came back. But what do I really feel? I'm not sure myself. Looking at every flight taken off and landed, but where do I belong?

There is this part of me that is still missing. I've tried really hard, I tried.. But nothing seems genuine. It didn't feel like it either way. I know, I can't survived another night alone here. Right now, all I feel that everything is in the way I wanted it to be. I'm in the right place at the wrong time.

To me now, I just needed everyone to let me be. I feel what I felt and how could things turn out for me is every decision I have made. For now, I wanted to be me and I really don't care what others may think of me any more. I am surrendering myself to myself. Mr D isn't at a very good shape now. And all in my mind is for him to get well. That is one pillar in my life that I will never wanna lose it.

And also today I met with A. It is good to see a face like him. But I guess what is written on my face is really obvious. Cut everything short, he gave me a kiss on my forehead and whisper

Whatever decision it will be, I will be just here. 

 I really tried to talk about this. But everything doesn't seems right. Everyone wanted the best of what they wanted for me. But it isn't at all what I wanted. Deep down, the more anyone that came and tell me about how I should go about, the easier for me to shut myself up.

Simplicity is the one thing in the world that is all I ever wanted. And yes with a price to pay for that simplicity in life. I guess the only person that could understood what I am trying to say is Leo. Simplicity is a simple term but it isn't a thing that anyone could have. The more I see everyone that is around me, I do see a lot of people are wanting things or life that they couldn't possibly wanted. Not that they couldn't have it, but actions and speech is one thing you could see. Oh well, I am one fucked up case as well.

Looking out at the snow falling at the terminal, every single human being surrounded me has their own way of showing what they feel. I realize simplicity doesn't comes in only one form. But when you are clear about what you wanted about the little simple things, it is all good for me. I think Leo will be really happy if he ever read this, for the first time after a long time, this smile was genuine.

I guess when you are tired in some way, you tend to see life in a different light. And when that happens, it is clear who meant to you in life. And just surrender to it. Life - everything happens for a reason.