Decode

To those that understood :

As every snow flakes that fall, it will melt when it touches our skin. The beauty of every flake counts within seconds. Like every life, every moment, every single breathe we take.

A tune played on and feeling the cold breeze creases my skin. Didn't wanted to open my eyes, but feeling everything around me. The weird thing about it is I really never feel the world the way I did. The organic thing about life is so fragile. But it wasn't the fear was with me. It isn't peace, but a taste of it. The calmness and the hope of everything that matters.

Today, it was a big hope that I was holding on. Not to me, but to someone I adore. More and more news of cure for HIV from time to time. And the thing about it, it really does give hope on to those who needed. Every time I see all these wonderful news, I really wished that it will somehow put a light in you. But on the other hand, I can't help to feel how I felt inside. Why are there more and more cure for other disease but ain't nothing for cancer.

I know complaining ain't gonna help me in any way. I still have that faith and hope. But why isn't there any light to it? And I can't lie to myself the limitation of that hope is given. Even after so many years. Maybe I am really really really tired now. Mentally it is exhausting enough to just keep going. For all the reason there is to just live. And not mentioning the tiredness physically.

The walls around me grew higher, and the edges are sharp. Every step I took, inevitably I felt my skin was cut by all the sharp edges like knives through. But the bleeding didn't bother me. Am I use to it? I don't know. But there isn't anything I can do to make it stop. I know many are always there for me in any way they can think of. For that I am blessed. But no one could feel what that was. And every step taken, the more lonelier it gets.

Walking back into the labyrinth, getting lost in it, and nothing from the real world matters. At least for that moment before those sharp pains pull me back to reality. But it was the only outlet I could come to at the moment. And standing at the doorway, with nothing to say. Just let it go and sinking in with it. That is all I could possibly come down with at this very moment. And part of me doesn't give a damn any more.