Dilemma

Today I am standing at another cross roads again. There are a few things in life sometimes that makes us realize what is our goal. A few things gotten to me at a point of putting a few things in mind. I felt like I am standing on a high wire in a circus. Everyone below wanted you to show them the things that they wanted to see. But my question was what are the things I wanted in life?

The first thing was what I wanted in life? I know that for sure music is my life. What I enjoy doing even it will take up time and whatever I have to give in life. And also a few things came across my mind. I have a few businesses running at the same time. But do I wanted to really expand it? Or Do I just wanted to keep it as it is without making any changes? At a point, to be honest, I hated the fact that there are only 24 hours a day. I really wish I had more time to sort out my health, life, music, business, friends, love one, family, and etc etc.

Fact is I can't change this point of life. I will have to go on in life with what I can only manage. And the most important thing now is health. Without health, I can't possibly do anything that I wanted. The past few nights are sleepless. With the choices and decision to make in what I am currently doing, It kinda hit me that without health, I can't do anything. For the past few days, the medication prescript to me was the old one which I really had second thoughts of having it. Every time I look at the pills, I will end up going to bed without it. The fear of being back at the point where everything was just wrong no matter how things are. Yes, I do not deny that it puts the pain to rest, but it will not put me to rest. I felt even restless. Emotions are screwed up and things are messy as it is. But this can't g on any more. The past few nights of pain attacks was terrible to be honest. I felt sicky the whole day today. But I still am going strong as somehow I told myself if I say I am well, I will be. Anyhow, I am giving myself one more day to see how it goes tonight. Hopefully I will be able to make it right.

On my work side, things are turning out better to be honest. There will be a lot of balancing need to be done and mixing work. But having faith we are gonna sound pretty much awesome in the show. But as usual, when things starting to turn out well, another challenge arise. Again, another choice to be made. I kinda have one bad apple in the team. The thing is a decision to be made. Should I or shouldn't I make that choice. I know sometimes, it has to be done and get over with. But can I possibly do it? Should I take that call or have a little more faith it will be better? I will be playing pros and cons tonight the whole night figuring what is best for the team. Should I let it be or should I make it right? Even if I would to make it right, what is right? help to make the team stronger? or substitute with another stronger link? It will be another tough decision to be made tonight.

At points like this, the only thing in my mind now are family and love ones. But also at the same time, the other side of me prevail the weaker part of me that wanting to have some warmth. Behind my mind, it was like telling myself I have to take all this on my own. I shouldn't have to worry those who care. And You came into the picture. Remembering every time you tell me that it is ok sometimes to let others in. But at another crossroad, If I let myself go but who will be there at times like this? Do I have a certain choice that I could possibly choose? sigh...

Still refusing to take the pills. Rather just think of work and ways to solve it than worrying about all this crap. I know with all the sudden challenges arise, I will be the one facing the music again tomorrow. But I know I would have to take it for the team. I know we are good. I know we are. Time will tell. Ready to face the music and ready to take up anything that comes. I just have to be that man and have a little faith and patience and things will turn out as how we could be.