Tonight, I guess was the ultimate let down on my own mistakes that causes a big mess. I know I am the only one to be blame for putting faith in others. I know that now the only thing I could do is just solve everything on my own. But the only question now for me is what is wrong with me? Treating others well while I self destruct? I found out the people that I was protecting and caring for them, all the effort went into the drain. Things that were going on that I didn't know. I was feeling something isn't right. But I kept telling myself that they are alright. But yet again, my senses were right.
I think that the only thing that was really killing me was letting down the person who had tremendous faith in me. I know you have every right to be pissed. You have every single right to be mad. I put your reputation and hard work at stake. When I get your text at the wee hours of the night, I am really speechless and got no idea at all how to answer. Should I say, yes I screwed up and these are the solutions? At the state you are now, I know everything won't be able to convey into. I am really sorry that I let you down totally.
It is just a week now to show time. I just have one shot. Even they ask me to take leave and take a break from it. How can I do so? Are they ready? Non of them take ownership and being proud of it. Thinking about playing the bass line is a downgrade? Do they even know how important their role is? And I thought with us sitting down and discuss about this was best for all. And still things like who is the one decided on this came across me? I am tired of all this rubbish excuses. I am not gonna mold every single thing that you think that is a problem any more. If this way doesn't work, then the work has to be in my way. The show must go on.
The only thing that I really let myself into this is I take it too personally and I trust and care too much for others. Even they are not worth for me do give an ounce of love and care.
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