Thoughts And Love

I am thankful with everyone that who wrote to me. From friends to all the survivors out there. I think one thing we have in common that is we know that this will be a very lonely and tough path to stroll through. I am really sorry that I haven't had the chance to sit down and write back to all of you one by one. 

I promise once things are better, I will take the time to write back to each and everyone of you. I am just thankful I have all the blessings and prayers from y'all.

1. Nancy Nelson March 18, 2015 at 11:11 pm

   You are a survivor and such a trouper Ricky!!! Things will get better with time.

2. James and Susan Heldstab March 19, 2015 at 1:00 am

   Rick this is great that you are posting a blog. Our thoughts and prayers are with you! Keep up the faith:)
3. Darcy Fredrickson March 20, 2015 at 12:33 am

   Eric, so sorry to hear your news. Heard of your surgery and hope that all is well. You are a survivor and things will get better they just take time. Be patient and let your partner help you along the way. Hoping to see you out on that bicycle sometime this summer.
4. steven lambert March 21, 2015 at 1:08 am

   Sory to hear about the cancer .Hope everything turns out for the best.I AM SURE IT WILL.To help things a long I wll say a prayer for you.
5. Sue Cody March 24, 2015 at 1:20 am

   Hi Ricky,
   Wow so sorry to hear that you have to fight with this awful disease. Can’t believe it came up again so suddenly. You are a strong man and I know you will be able to kick this. You are a survivor alright! Hope to get down to see you sometime soon. Will you be doing treatments also? Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
6. Willis Lee March 25, 2015 at 2:12 am

   Glad to hear everthing is coming along for the best. I feel that you are a strong fighter. Follow the Doctors orders and pray and every will be alright. Willis.
7. Julie Monson March 25, 2015 at 4:36 am

   Hi Eric,
   I heard about the cancer from Jason. I’m so sorry you have to go through this AGAIN, but with the Lord and Leo on your side, you can face anything. You’ve always had a great attitude and I’m sure that your sense of humor makes it easier for all of you. Kevin & I have been praying for you. 

   Julie
8. Sister Barb March 26, 2015 at 12:55 pm

   Need an update, even though I talk to you somewhat regularly

   
   
9. Ilka Flood March 27, 2015 at 11:34 pm

   Hi Eric,

   I am so very sorry. That must be a scary feeling. You know, medicine has advanced so much in recent years and from what I read chances of surviving this form of cancer are pretty high when it is caught. So keep thinking positive!

   You are in my thoughts and prayers.

   Ilka
10. Steve King March 27, 2015 at 11:57 am

    eric, i am a computer idiot. finally found this to reply to you. i don’t think my emails to the frontier deal are getting through, also, i clicked on the contact button and sent you something in there. i hope you get it somehow, it was really good stuff, ha, ha.
    thinking of you all the time. read your “Live Today With My All Series” you are a very inspirational person.
    nothing can help you more than your attitude and you have the best. just wanted to let you know i’m trying to reach you dang it! guess i could call but never know when is best and my fingers don’t fit into that rotary dial anymore.
    take care and prayers are always being said.
    Steve
11. nick catricala March 27, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    Hey Eric,
    thanks for all your automatic emails messages about airliners… I am exploring your blog here and I come across this page… HOW ARTE YOU DOING these days? My wish is that you are doing well in every way and in the event that your health side is not going as great as you want… please connect with me… I have some info that may be of interest to you in regard to colon cancer (nothing to buy…)

    Thanks again for all your messages and look forward to chat with you in person soon.
    _nickc

    
    
12. John Rollow March 28, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    I just happened on your site here in the group and noticed the colon cancer tab. Where are the posts on your process with that?

    I am a colon cancer survivor. Spring 1996 diagnosed, had surgery, followed by chemo and radiation therapy. Have a colostomy. But healthy and cancer free (at least from that one).

    I’ve also had a heart attack and now diabetic neuropathy. And my life style keeps getting healthier and healthier as I learn more about what a healthy life style really is (altho my whole life was a pretty healthy one).

    Best of luck. Keep posting.

Tightrope

This period of time is usually therapeutic. I am actually very proud and happy that after 3 whole years, the record is out. There are some of the track I have heard, but there are some that I haven't listened to it. The final product, was just like another healing path for me.

Life has always been kind to me. Yes it wasn't easy, but it wasn't cruel either. Time to time, you adapt towards every step you take. We evolve. Dreams and hopes comes true. Some were dashed, but that is the beauty of life.

For a certain time in our lives, we all been through that dark times. Things doesn't goes your way. You feel lonely, you feel you have no one there to hold on to. I wouldn't say it was an easy thing to overcome. Cause the fact that it is not.

I know at times, I would distant myself from everything when things are going south. When I tried to talk to a friend, it naturally just create a wall for you and you would just shut down. There are so much frustration. But maybe we might die trying, but I've learned.

We usually will see the dark side of the world, we feel like we are on a tightrope. You turn, but I stay straight. We are so messed up and tangled. But the only thing we wanted is to just be in your good graces. There are people around me that are fighting for their lives, there are some that are fighting for their love to go on, and there are too those who just wanted things to be what they wanted and just giving in to everything there is just to feel.

I am not judging, I am not assuming. To me, there are people who will stay in your life, and there will be some that comes and goes. With what life has given me, I strive for simplicity. I would be there to hear a dear friend vent. I would be there for my love ones regardless. But I will not just stand there waiting for things to happen. Life will keep going and with the condition I am living with, I wouldn't wanna waste a single second of it just to wait.

A very close person in my life will go through surgery next week. Things would be easy if the circumstances were just that, but no... Like I mentioned, life always throw you a curve ball.

Life is short? You only live once? Those phrases doesn't work on me. Living with terminal cancer, it is a whole crazy experience. You wouldn't do things that would just doesn't make sense to you. And I wouldn't say life suck. I found someone I really love, I have a group of people that understand what life is about, and I have a team of wonderful and magical individuals with supreme gifts. I am learning to love again, I am learning to live again, and I am learning to write music again.

I was asked how music is for me, but there is no words at all I could put down to describe. Writing to me is an outlet. Producing and arranging is revisiting all those times we have in our life. And listening to it now is just therapeutic in many levels. And the rest is just a part of life you once remembered.

No one could take that away from me. That is something that is apart of me, and it is just how I walked on the tightrope. You may die trying, but you will know that you have your reasons. There will come a point, you will stop asking why the world or why the people around you are in a way that you thought they were. But in fact, they are always just there waiting for you to pull it through. No one will be able to fully understand that physical and emotion torture you are in, but we are just always there regardless.

The world isn't that cruel. It is just sometimes, our mind is playing around. I love how my life turns out to be. Yes, it isn't perfect, but it is a bloody damn good one to grow and understand how things could be. So far, I manage to walk through that rope on the other side. 

Away From Reality?

"Tell me all your secrets
Tell me your fears
I won’t push you away
I’ll only pull you near
No, I won’t judge you
I’mma help you through."

- Sia Fuller

Frustration  - Part 005 : February 26th 2015

There are so many things going on lately I just got no idea where should I even start. There are so many things that put me in a position to actually think about what are the things that is for me. Or should I say for us.

At times, I see life in a way it is so precious. Living with cancer is one thing that force you to actually see things the way it is. No short cuts, no running away. And saying that, I wanna surround myself with the positive people around me. I see from time to time, there will be some people that walked into my life, and right there and then, I just cut them off. One thing I realize, life is too short to even waste my life on those that doesn't cherish what they have. Yes, I do not deny that it really irritates me.

I am living with cancer, a handful or people I love and care for are suffering from terminal illness or even some living with an incurable condition. I was an addict. No.. I should say, I am an addict. I am 17 months clean now, but the crave will always be there. It is something worst than living with cancer. I have to admit that even I don't want to. The question is, there are so many of us are trying to live the right way, not running away and face our demons.

So, the question is, how would you feel when you are trying to do things right, and you see those around you that keeps throwing everything away? Yes I wouldn't deny that everyone yearns for something. But how does it gives a person to throw away a temple of good health when they just felt about their life doesn't go the way they wanted.

I have so much I wanted to write down right here. But I am not going to. Life is one thing I find it beautiful when you know what is the definition of life. You will never have what you wanted, but you will be given what you can handle. All you gotta do is be patient. I waited for a whole 4 years. And I found my anchor.

I am signing off for now heading off to China for a short alone trip. Time to clear my mind and recharge. And here is one thing I wanna share with all of y'all.. And to the special one : " A lot a lot, and muscle. Everyday and every minute... " :)

But piece by piece you collected me
Up off the ground but you abandoned things
And piece by piece you filled the holes that you burned in me
At six years old and no
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me
Piece by piece
He restored my faith
That a man can be kind
And a father could stay

My Life & My Happiness Is Ours

I sometimes, wish, I could be anonymous. Walk down the street of life. Before I moved to the states, I was a boy. In the music school, on the piano. I was just a boy who wanted a view of the beautiful beach. And now that things changes under circumstances, I think it's very difficult to do very simple things. Things without consequences. I think it's the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong. And never to be a victim, never making excuses, never expect anyone else to provide me things that I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams. And I actually think I have the power to make those dreams to become a reality.

When you have a stand in the music industry, no one looks at you as a human anymore. You become the property of the label. There's nothing real about it. You can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put a finger on who I am. I am... Complicated. I've grew up with a lot of conflicts and traumas and I've been through a lot. Just like everyone else. My escape is always music. And I'm so lucky that that's my job. But if I've accomplished all of these things, and had no one to share with. It will be worth nothing. You know that you need something real. In order to need any of see stuff matter. You have to have something, that is FOREVER. Something that is invisible. 

I was brought up the same way my mother try to please and make everyone comfortable. And I always felt like its my job to fix problems. People pleaser. But, I'm no longer afraid of conflict, and I don't think conflict is a bad thing. Because I know, when you grow up, when you learned a few things, you no longer afraid of letting go. You no longer afraid of the unknown. You no longer afraid going to places and you're biting your mind and soul that make you feel uncomfortable. And it all starts from if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, I like that person. You know.. If I hadn't gone through some of the painful experience in my life, I would not be me. 

I feel like my body is borrowed in this life. And it is very temporary. I watched my friends body deteriorate, and see someone pass on so gracefully and puts everything in perspective. We do not value ourselves enough. Especially young people who don't really appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I've always been very specific and choosy. About my body and who I wanna share with. People thinks that they lose something when they get into a relationship or marriage. But it doesn't have to be that way. There is nothing more exciting to be able to have a witness to your life. 

I always consider myself as an humanitarian activist, or something. All the while, I've always afraid of that word, cause people place so much on it. When honestly, it's very simple. It's just a person who believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out, and we have to get to a point where each other is comfortable with and starts to appreciate each other. Not just for the rights of humanity, or anything. It's just a general term. I have a lot of empathy for people and the pressures they go through and the cultures that has been created. Especially for all the LGBT and people who are going through terminal illnesses. Not because I am one of them, but because I understood how hard it is having to go through cancer, and I know a lot more people are far worst than I am. I have the same empathy for women. They women has to provide, so many things for their children. I consider myself, a humanist. 

You know, everybody is not good at everything. It's always okay to depend on someone. It's actually what we are suppose to do. We're supposed to depend on each other. And when you find the person that you trust, and you love, and you feel is going to respect you and take all the shit you have and turn around and bring out the best in you, it is indeed the most powerful thing in your life. 

Happiness comes from you. No one else can make you happy. You make you happy. The love you have just amplified that happiness that you already have. And one thing that's for sure, the love I have, the music, my lover, my friends, and my future, it's something that will last far beyond in my life. 

I'm thankful for embracing me, for understanding me, for being patient with my crazy. This is the life I am living. This is what I wanted it to be.

57th Grammy Awards Nominees Announced

Early Friday on CBS This Morning, Ed Sheeran and Pharrell Williams stopped by to reveal four major categories of nominations for the 57th Annual Grammy Awards.

Sheeran's own x (pronounced "multiply") got a nod for Best Pop Vocal Album and Pharrell's G I R L got a nomination for Best Urban Contemporary Album. Sheeran didn't act too surprised, however, because he admitted that he had "peeked" at the results just before officially announcing them.

The Album of the Year nominees were announced Friday night during CBS' A Very Grammy Christmas special.

Album of the Year

Beck, Morning Phase

Beyonce, Beyonce

Ed Sheeran, x

Sam Smith, In the Lonely Hour

Pharrell Williams, Girl

Best New Artist

Bastille
Iggy Azalea
Brandy Clark
Haim
Sam Smith

Record of the Year

"Fancy," Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX
"Chandelier," Sia
"Stay With Me (Darkchild Version)," Sam Smith
"Shake It Off," Taylor Swift
"All About That Bass," Meghan Trainor

Song of the Year

"Chandelier," Sia
"All About That Bass," Meghan Trainor
"Shake It Off," Taylor Swift
"Stay With Me (Darkchild Version)," Sam Smith
"Take Me to Church," Hozier

Best Rap Album

The New Classic, Iggy Azalea
Because the Internet, Childish Gambino
Nobody's Smiling, Common 
The Marshall Mathers LP2, Eminem
Oxymoron, ScHoolboy Q
Blacc Hollywood, Wiz Khalifa

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

"Fancy," Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX
"A Sky Full of Stars," Coldplay 
"Say Something," A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
"Bang Bang," Ariana Grande, Jessie J & Nicki Minaj
"Dark Horse," Katy Perry ft. Juicy J

Best Rap Performance

"305," Childish Gambino
"0 to 100/The Catch Up," Drake 
"Rap God," Eminem
"i," Kendrick Lamar
"All I Need Is You," Lecrae

Best Alternative Music Album

This Is All Yours, alt-J
Reflektor, Arcade Fire
Melophobia, Cage the Elephant
St. Vincent, St. Vincent
Lazaretto, Jack White

Best Rock Album

Ryan Adams, Ryan Adams
Morning Phase, Beck
Turn Blue, The Black Keys
Hypnotic Eye, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Songs of Innocence, U2

Best Rock Song

"Ain't It Fun," Paramore
"Blue Moon," Beck
"Fever," The Black Keys
"Gimme Something Good," Ryan Adams
"Lazaretto," Jack White

Best Country Album

Riser, Dierks Bentley
The Outsiders, Eric Church
The Way I'm Livin', Lee Ann Womack
12 Stories, Brandy Clark
Platinum, Miranda Lambert

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration

"Blak Majik," Common ft. Jhené Aiko 
"The Monster," Eminem ft. Rihanna
"Tuesday," I Love Makonnen ft. Drake
"Studio," ScHoolboy Q ft. BJ The Chicago Kid 
"Bound 2," Kanye West & Charlie Wilson  

Best Rap Song

"Anaconda," Nicki Minaj
"Bound 2," Kanye West & Charlie Wilson
"i," Kendrick Lamar
"We Dem Boyz," Wiz Khalifa
"0 to 100/The Catch Up," Drake

Best Country Song

"American Kids," Kenny Chesney
"Automatic," Miranda Lambert
"Give Me Back My Hometown," Eric Church
"I'm Not Gonna Miss You," Glen Campbell
"Meanwhile Back at Mama's," Tim McGraw ft. Faith Hill

Best Country Duo/Group Performance

"Gentle On My Mind," The Band Perry
"Somethin' Bad," Miranda Lambert with Carrie Underwood 
"Day Drinking," Little Big Town 
"Meanwhile Back At Mama's," Tim McGraw ft. Faith Hill
"Raise 'Em Up," Keith Urban ft. Eric Church 

Best Country Solo Performance

"Give Me Me Back My Hometown," Eric Church
"Invisible," Hunter Hayes 
"Automatic," Miranda Lambert
"Something In the Water," Carrie Underwood
"Cop Car," Keith Urban

Best Pop Vocal Album

Ghost Stories, Coldplay
Bangerz, Miley Cyrus
My Everything, Ariana Grande
Prism, Katy Perry
x, Ed Sheeran
In the Lonely Hour, Sam Smith

Best Urban Contemporary Album

Sail Out, Jhene Aiko
Beyonce, Beyonce
X, Chris Brown
Mali Is, Mali Music
G I R L, Pharrell Williams

Best Dance/Electronic Album 

Syro, Aphex Twin
While (1, Deadmaus
Nabuma Rubberband, Little Dragon
Do It Again, Röyksopp & Robyn
Damage Control, Mat Zo

Best Dance Recording

"Never Say Never," Basement Jaxx
"Rather Be," Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne
"F for You," Disclosure ft. Mary J. Blige
"I Got U," Duke Dumont ft. Jax Jones
"Faded," Zhu

Best Latin Pop Album

Tangos, Ruben Blades
Elypse, Camila
Raiz, Lila Downs, Niña Pastori & Soledad Pastorutti
Loco de Amor, Juanes
Gracias Por Estar Aqui, Marco Antonio Solis

Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media

American Hustle 
Guardians of the Galaxy
Frozen 
Get On Up: The James Brown Story 
The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Music Video

"We Exist," Arcade Fire
"Turn Down for What," DJ Snake & Lil Jon
"Chandelier," Sia
"Happy," Pharrell Williams
"The Golden Age," Woodkid ft. Max Richter

Best Music Film

Beyoncé & Jay Z: On The Run Tour, Beyoncé & Jay Z
Ghost Stories, Coldplay
20 Feet From Stardom, Darlene Love, Merry Clayton, Lisa Fischer & Judith Hill
Metallica: Through The Never, Metallica
The Truth About Love Tour: Live From Melbourne, Pink

Best Pop Solo Performance

"All of Me," John Legend
"Chandelier," Sia
"Stay With Me," Sam Smith
"Shake It Off," Taylor Swift
"Happy," Pharrell Williams

Best Reggae Album

Ziggy Marley, Fly Rasta
Lee "Scratch" Perry, Back on the Controls
Sean Paul, Full Frequency
Shaggy, Out of Many, One Music
Sly & Robbie & Spicy Chocolate, The Reggae Power
Soja, Amid the Noise and the Haste

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album

Cheek to Cheek, Lady Gaga & Tony Bennett
Sending You a Little Christmas, Johnny Mathis
Nostalgia, Annie Lennox
Partners, Barbra Streisand
Night Songs, Barry Manilow

Best Americana Album

The River & The Thread, Rosanne Cash
Terms of My Surrener, John Hiatt
Bluesamericana, Keb' Mo'
A Dotted Line, Nickel Creek
Metamodern Sounds in Country Music, Sturgill Simpson

Best Spoken Word Album

Actors Anonymous, James Franco
A Call to Action, Jimmy Carter
Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America, John Waters
A Fighting Chance, Elizabeth Warren
Diary of a Mad Diva, Joan Rivers
We Will Survive: True Stories of Encouragement, Inspiration and the Power of Song, Gloria Gaynor

Best Gospel Album

Help, Erica Campbell
Amazing, Ricky Dillard & New G
Withholding Nothing: Live, William McDowell
Forever Yours, Smokie Norful
Vintage Worship, Anita Wilson

Best Rock Performance

"Gimme Something Good," Ryan Adams
"Do I Wanna Know?", Arctic Monkeys
"Blue Moon," Beck
"Fever," The Black Keys
"Lazaretto," Jack White

Best Metal Performance

"Neon Knights," Anthrax
"High Road," Mastodon
"Heartbreaker," Motörhead
"The Negative One," Slipknot
"The Last In Line," Tenacious D

Best R&B Performance

"Drunk In Love," Beyoncé ft. Jay Z
"New Flame," Chris Brown ft. Usher & Rick Ross
"It's Your World," Jennifer Hudson ft. R. Kelly
"Like This," Ledisi
"Good Kisser," Usher

Best R&B Song

"Drunk In Love," Beyonce ft. Jay Z
"Good Kisser," Usher
"New Flame," Chris Brown ft. Usher & Rick Ross
"Options (Wolfjames Version)," Luke James ft. Rick Ross
"The Worst," Jhené Aiko 

Best R&B Album

Islander, Bernhoft
Lift Your Spirit, Aloe Blacc
Love, Marriage & Divorce, Toni Braxton & Babyface
Black Radio 2, Robert Glasper Experiment
Give The People What They Want, Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings