Reliving History Of Flight AA 587

Mom was in her room since the news of Flight MH370 was out. Dad left the house with the car and there I was just the only one trying not to be affected by the news. Grams still needs 27/7 supervision and I can't blame mom and dad's action at this very moment.

My little brother is on his way back from Penang, but he never really knew what happened as he was just 2 years old when it happened. Everything seems like in a mess right now but I can't indulge in this right now. At least not at this very moment.

November 12, 2001 was the day I became the eldest in the family. It was the day that I scared myself. It was the day I truly understood for losing someone in life. The day I lost a half of my other self. The day I lost my brother.

There are so many "what if" going on in my mind right now. And I gotta somehow stop asking that question. It has been so many ears, but the memory of me sitting at JFK terminal waiting for news is still so vivid. The news were literally went silent. The only thing I was holding on at that time was just the hope. But the hope never came. 

It has been so many years now, and it still affects my family. I can't say anything to my mom and I can't call my dad right now. A part of me still feels that if I never made that call to him and wanting him to be there, he will still be here. It took me years to understand that accidents happens. No matter what you do, it will not change what has happened. 

But for all the families that were affected on MH370, I know nothing I could say or do to make things feels right as it will not be. The only thing my family suffered at that time in 2001 was losing 2 sons. I cut myself out from them out of of guilt. But for them, with the social media platform, you see all kinds of things being said. What is true, what is not? No one respects what they are going through. No one cares on how they feel right now. Speculations after speculations.

High altitude air crash isn't something common. The last crash that happened was by another legacy airlines - Air France Flight AF 447. It took them 5 days to locate the scraps of the aircraft. No airlines in the world will have any official statement until the scraps are being found. This is a standard procedure practice by all airlines world wide. But what do you see right now? The blame game! Blaming the airlines, blaming the authorities, blaming the aircraft, blaming the fuel load on the aircraft, blaming every single thing they can find. But will this even help those who are suffering? 

I may be taking this personally. I know how they feel. I know that numbness that hits them right now. But with all these news going on, don't you think it is very insensitive? News based on ex crew? Everyone is desperate to have news. But an air crash is never caused by one factor, but links of many factors. It is agonizing enough for all that is affected. I really wish everyone would stop. Stop the blaming game.

I know it is 12 hours after the aircraft lost contact. There weren't any mayday call, the weather was good. It is a mystery. The only thing we can know what really happen now is from the black box in the aircraft. But now my question is will it change anything if we know what is really going on? I know that hope is thin after more than 12 hours without any news. But still that is what they are holding on to. I am sure that they are. I held on to that hope for 70 hours in the past. I know that they still do. 

This is a serious matter and people are making jokes and spreading lies about MH 370 . It's disgusting. There is so much emotions going on and so much I wanna say, but I know, nothing matters right now. People will still be what they wanna be. I know how that feels and all I can say to them is hold on to what you feels right at the moment.

P/S- Zombie, thank you for being there for me. Your prompt actions meant so much to me. It really does..