Who You Are

Fighting against the nature will or being myself. When I look at the mirror right now, I couldn't see myself. All I see is a person loosing that shine and giving in. I couldn't possibly relate now on how I feel in words. There is only one question kept repeating in my mind. And I couldn't speak that out loud. As I know deep down, I didn't wanna admit that it is different now.

Listening to Jessie J's Who U R, every word of it meant so much. And I have to give credits to Ronald Barrimore for that amazing arrangement. The cover Angie did felt real. Simplicity is always gold. And I felt myself losing myself in it. I know even the condition of what I am going through right now has changed how I look. I am fighting and kept telling myself that it is ok not to be ok - quoting from that beautiful song itself.

Do I buy what I told myself? Right now, I am not. And I know right now, I am not the only one who has the tracks of their tears clearly on their faces. The more I am trying, the less it is working and inside, I am just screaming. I do not recognize the person in the mirror any more. Not because of how he looks. But it seems that person has lost all hope and will. The body itself has a mind of it's own now. I couldn't control on how it changes. I can't hold on a grip to slow down this evolution. I am just powerless over my own body right now.

I am now at a point where I look at two different paths. And no matter how or which path I might choose. Tears is here to stay. I have no reason to be angry at all at a higher power. I accept it. But how I do so, it is another story. It feels complete. Every single emotions that a person could possibly feel, it is here. I lived a full cycle. And at 29, I close my eyes, feeling every single damn thing around me. And I realize, nothing last.

At a point, when the body will eventually grow cold, the heart beats gradually slowing down.. and.. nothing is left... But one thing will live on.. All the love that has been shared or even given to me.. That will be the only legacy left when everything just fade away.... It is ok not to be ok...

Looking at the same world I grew up in a different eye right now.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah
The more I try the less it's working, yeah,
'Cause everything inside me screams, no.....

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows
Like woo, just go, and leave me alone
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight
With a smile , that's my own
That's my own, no....

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are...