Stronger Than Ever

Music always open up many doors of emotions. Maybe not to all but to me it does. Or maybe because I am in the industry, it is something I have to face up everyday in my life. Today isn't really an easy day for me. It isn't the end of the day and I am already at a point where I would just snap up. But I kinda needed this now.

First thing today is some visits of the ones that you don't really wanna see. I know that they flew in from another country but to me, it is just like wanna know whats going on. I don't really feel like talking about it now. All I could summarize is I felt like I am a Zoo that they just enjoy visiting.

I also had a call from my producer this morning. We talked a fair bit and I guess he is right. Time for me to tap into the part where I was running away from all year. And I laid down and think, why am I fearing to tap into those realms? Would I wanna be just another puppet like what happened? Or I need to do what I usually do best. So I popped into my iTunes and selecting a few albums to try getting some inspiration. 

I have kinda choose a few pop rock artists. From Alecia Beth Moore, Linda Perry to Christina Aguilera. I somehow hooked on this song - Stronger Than Ever. By just listening to the song without the singer. Just the music. The emotions that is being build up inside. I feel it flowing through me. It was just really simple. But I wonder how did "N" actually appear in my mind. And I played with the singer this time. Somehow I understood. Why everything is building and to a boiling point. Somehow this is what I really really appreciate music. It is like a language. Everything make sense. Without words. I remembered every memory that I have. The good ones, painful ones, humiliating ones, and even shameful ones. 

I know that this somehow is another crappy post. Sorry that I might be wasting time again talking about things that is irrelevant. Just really need to let it all out. But anyhow, it is a good song. Hope you guys like it.

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong