Some Reasons

Sometimes, it is not easy to keep the composure and pretend that we are just alright. But it is easier to hide within the music we listen to. Or maybe this is a work thing for me. There is a soul who once told me that being emotional is part of my profession of being a song writer. It never really struck me till I hear him saying that to me.

Today, I still miss him. But he really put on a smile on my face whenever I think of Baby J. I learned so much through out the years of being apart from him. Learning the way life could possibly teach us to be. Being weak isn't a reason for us to give up. I must admit maybe I learnt it the hard way. But it molds me into this person I am now.

3 years 4 months now and still counting. I felt the blessing and all with the beauty of his way of teaching me. Maybe I don't make any sense again but it is somehow a way for me to keep going on. What a wonderful life it has been I must say. We are still human aren't we? It is just normal to feel happy, sad, despair, giving up and all. All this sums up and makes us a better person I suppose.

Somehow there is still that anger which is build within. I am trying to control everything of it at the moment. But sometimes, it isn't easy. I know the only victim to my anger are my family members. I could like snap sometimes out of nothing. I am still looking for that peace from music.

I must say, the most played song at the moment is Ashes And Wine on my iTunes. I couldn't help to notice that beautiful lyrics of that song. Something honest, the way of seeing a broken bond. But in a good way. It is funny thing that music could relate to what we feel. I always says that music is a language that we human could use to communicate and understand each other. The beauty of it that the emotions that flows in us when the tunes suck us into it.

Anyhow, for some reasons, I need to stop finding the reason to feel terrible on the bed. I know nothing could change what I am going through right now and I know the only thing I could do is take my first steps and start moving on. I need to change that anger into strength and take the steps I should be. The pain is always there and I must somehow change it into the way life is. Nothing is permanent. And I must see that it is just time for me till I get up.