A Call Made

I know there are times where we made our own decision based on our own emotions. Yes, I did and many times, but is it worth it? To be honest, I think it is. When we give, why should we always think of wanting something back? When I decided that move, I am aware of the consequences. But when I confronted the deciding party, to know what had happen or not isn't important.

Yes it is tough at first. But I know it was the right thing to do for someone you cared for. Yes, it has been months. Whatever happen is our of my control but I took it up as a man. Knowingly the only thing I could keep him safe. The least that getting the contacts to have the things he wanted is fairly impossible. But sometimes, to a lot of people, they think that why am I that stupid to do so. To me, who the hell are you to care what I decide for my life? I knew what I have taken up since I gave my word.

Sometimes, facing our inner monster is way much harder than facing others. We tend to give excuses to ourselves. Honestly, what I really saw was a downfall from one to another. But how many would see it that way? Sometimes, I couldn't possibly do anything. Even knowing what is going on, but I just can sit there and watch what they are going through. Maybe many thinks I should confront them because they are the people I love and care for. But do they see the effect for them to push you away if you taken that step? No one seems to understand that because they were not in their positions. There is a push in them for them to take that call to do so. I know as I was there once.

What I could really say now is I could just stand beside them and give them the view of how I decide to take charge of my life and change it. Yes, till today I am still having the crave and all for it. But to give in or to push it out? How many would see this? Sometimes, it is tough I know. Sometimes, I really feel like walking out from them. But if I do, what is left with them? It does break my heart seeing all this over and over again. But is it worth it? Yes it is. I can't decide for them but I can be there for them when they needed me.

Yes it is hard to hold up to our inner self who wanted pleasures, and numbing from all that is surrounds us. Many choose to run. But what I did is to choose to face what is within. I never say it was easy. But I am glad my life changed. Tremendously to be honest. Yes, loneliness fills from time to time. But it will change once we decided to make that change. I came across something meaningful today.

Love is a cycle. When we learn to love, we get hurt. When we get hurt, we learn to hate. When we hate, we learn to forget. When we try to forget, we start missing it. And when we start to miss it, we will eventually fall in love again.

Yeah, loving someone is not something like having that special one and just being all happy about it. But learning to let someone in to our lives, and learning to stand in their position to love them for who they are. Everyone is different. Yes, many love went pass me and I couldn't hold on to it. But eventually, when you do what you have to it will come back to you. I am blessed that I have made this change in life. Accepted in life there are things we can't hold on to. But also learned to give without regretting any part of it.

Yes it hurts on the skin. But what hurts most is seeing you falling in again and again. But as time will come, I know everything will fall back to place.