Music isn't just some melody I wanna write about for people to love. It's just a part of me I wanna express and share it with the world. That is what music is to me.But now, where am I standing? Everything seems out of reach to me. Life is kind to me and I will be damn if I think other wise. But why the more I am having right now, I feel like the more I am loosing it. The only person I really wished to hold right now and tells me it's gonna be ok is on the other side of the world. And when I pick up the phone to text, all I could key in was, "I miss you" and a quick reply "Silly boy, I miss you too. XOXO" And I just left it where it was.
I have been avoiding to write for the past few days. Just keeping myself busy on my work. But the more I wanna keep myself running away from reality, the more everything seems to be building inside. For one little reason, I won't be going under the knife any more. Somewhat with the reason that I wasn't fit enough to go under anesthetic.
The more I am telling myself I am ok, the more I don't really believe myself. Is anybody out there? Is anybody listenin'? Does anybody really know it's the end of the beginning? The cry a rush a one breath, Is all we waiting for? Sometimes I want my taking, but changes everyone before. Sometimes we're holding angels and we never even know. Don't know if we'll make it, but we know i just can't let it show. Some prayers finds answers, some prayers just don't.
What is there left for me to pick it up? I have even tried unconventional drugs( Ain't those I was doing ). It does seems working well for now. Cytoxin is like a miracle for me. But the question is just how long will it be this time. All I am left is just time. Maybe it just is.