A Child's Innocents
The innocence that a child has is just a pure energy of what life could be. I am pretty sure most of us couldn't even remember how it was. But if you have a young fellow around, you realize that for a child, it is all constant analyzing to act on what is next for them.
I realize this on my youngest cousin who is only 3 years old. As cute as a child could look, one thing I can say from what I observe is the security they wanted. But their innocence is the one thing they hold on to make things meet. It is one of the most beautiful yet painful to see. The whole process of growing up, and being slowly stripped with that pure innocence that was born with. The first event in life that we will never remember.
The First Heart Break
We mourn, we grief, and we move on. But do you still remember the first heart break? I really wished I could say I can. I remember the details on what happen. But years after years, time just slowly washed that pain away. Memories stays, but that first heart break, that moment you knew what is left for you is just walking away. What you felt at that moment, memories may bring back bits and pieces, but what the heart felt, it is just a thought. And there we have the second event in life. Learning to walk away even we don't want to at that time.
The final event in life, is one thing we will never really know how it felt. Yes, death is certain. And one thing I can surely say is those that they left behind, were the one to grief on the lost. I know death is inevitable, but it is also something that I don't really talk about openly. Not that I am afraid of death, I think, I would welcome death in a way that I somehow imagine I would. It is really hard to find words to describe. Somehow, it is just something I've always been living day by day with that idea around me. Well, let's not go there. At least for now.
One little thing we can be certain are those we love that we left behind. That pain is something that will be a part of us. Remembering the day Eli left us, our family never really felt whole ever since. We never ever really talked about him. Even losing a friend, it isn't easy at all. Yes, we move on after, but do we really able to let go of this? There is so much in my mind that I needed answers, but it is just a matter a fact that it will never ever be answered.
Saying goodbye is one thing, it is never easy to do. But to say goodbye back to our love ones, the idea of what is left back there. The one last event in life that we could never have a clear answer.
The journey in life, is just as mysterious as the idea of living. Life is but a dream. There are things we have to deal with everyday, and there are things we wanna run away every day. It is just like how I am telling myself that all would just be if I really wanted to. Living with cancer is one thing, but to deal with cancer everyday is yet another. And it all comes down to all the little small details in life that really matters. There is so much I have just missed, so much that I wished I could relived those moments. But I know, life is a journey, and ain't a destination. So, where do I wanna go from here?