Chicago Love

From New York City to the City on the edge of the Michigan Lake, Chicago. One thing in life I am obsessed with besides music is snow. I love winter so much that I wished that winter was a 12 month a year thingy when I was younger. The thing about winter everything seems so pure yet harsh. It is just how life is. An irony of the wonders in life.

Bright side is I won't be out of a job for the next 6 years. Renewed my contract with my label. Nothing new beside the priority collaborations that I've had my terms with. The little things that does really matters to me in my career that I wanted. But the thing now is, where is the direction of my course would be? I seriously have to consider to write more songs that are singles worthy. But well, that is another story to tell.

I'll be heading to LA to meet up with my God daughter. That little bitch that I adores so so much! The down side, this will be my last few hours having snow around me. Sometimes I really do wish that I could have a longer period being back here in the States. But nothing will be valid until I get my citizenship. My meds are running low and the thought of having them bought here is just crazy! No matter how bad things are, it is still free in Malaysia.

But you gotta give to get something right? Oh well, it's gonna be tough but it isn't a choice for me anymore.

There are so much going on around me. The little things that I wanted, the way of life I wanna lead. But sometimes, there are so much blocks in front of you and all you wanted is just leave it as it is. For some reasons, I do find that it is pathetic of me to just let it be because things seems easier.

I wanted something to hold on to, I wanted something that is so surreal that you know it will always be there. But when all the logic comes into the picture, all seems like it would just be best to leave it that way. There is so much I wanted, but I know if it was me, I didn't wanna anyone to change me for who I am either. I remembered you told me something in the past that really grows in me.

You will know a person loves you when he loves you for everything you hate about in yourself.

As beautiful as it sounds, it is just hard to really take it all in. Baby J was the first that made me feel that way. And after that, I thought that I never will ever feel that way again, but I was wrong. It happens not only once, but twice after. And both of them are all that matters in my life right now.

Why am I still wanting that part that makes everything feels right? Part of my job? I know that it is something that I really wanted to make it feels right. All the surge of emotions, that expressive part of being impermanence, and all that fear and anger. I really can't help it. I look at myself everyday, realizing that what has change in the way I look. I wanted vanity to be there a little longer for me. I didn't wanted to look like the way I was to become. The second fingers clicks on, and every minute just reminded me of the path I am walking towards. I lived a full life I can say that out loud. But am I ready? I don't think I am. I just needed to find a way.