Torn

Every single action leads to multiple outcomes. And being a part of being human, we are subject to go through every single emotions that drives our actions. I don't wanna use the reason of me coping with my condition right now towards any of my actions. But I somehow lost it today.

I trashed my lappy in the process. And some part of me just couldn't digest what happen when I saw Dumdum. Everything went blank but I just wanna be left alone. I never wanted any of those who cares and loves me see me in this horrific state. At least to me I am now. And after everything has past, I couldn't even explain why I went crazy. And I don't feel good on what I did.

I couldn't express how I am feeling right now actually besides from this song by Natasha. One of the strongest phrase from the song was this.

Because of you I knew how to be loved.
You made me feel beautiful cause you believe I was.
And I'll never forget how you touched my life
You made me feel like I belong.

There is really a lot I have to learn how to accept. Living with the way I am right now, even it has been years, but I am still learning. I know maybe this is a little too much to ask from y'all, but please be patient with me.