To Be Me

If ever there is another sun shine to be chosen, I would give anything for that chance to live. Everything around me revolves so fast. I tried to keep up. But every time when I do, some part of me is holding on. I wouldn't deny that it isn't easy to hold on to that grip. For some reason, I hide away from the world I use to know. Are we the same? Yes and no. I know all of you wanted to be here and be that pillar. But is it that easy? 

A body of bleeding rashes, zombie like finger nails that is about to drop. Hairless and all wrap up with blood stains on the whole. Swollen tongue, inflamed throat, you couldn't talk and you could move much. Multiple cutting like pains from the abdominal to the back. Even breathing is hard. I am small but the world is big. I couldn't fit in to be just a small part in the ensemble. How does it feel to be me? 

Being different isn't the big deal at all. But the fear from your dearest loved ones are those that would kill you. They feel your pain, they can be there to support you. But the expression of "Afraid of losing". That is the one thing I am trying to runaway from. 

It is ok to lemme in Baby. Why are you denying the love from every soul that is willingly given? And the worst part is denying mine. Every part of me isn't complete to see that torture in you. I just wanted to be here. Let them love you. Let me love you. I will never feel the pain or the suffering you are going through. But lemme be here. 

Nothing could be said back. But being different isn't  the thing. To let them in and be in my shoes is the most torturing thing you can do to someone you love. Listening to the whispers of hope, and a new life. Being to live a half life isn't a choice of mine. I am not afraid. I am not afraid of death. All I wanted is just to live. All I need to know that I can breathe.