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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Accumulated

Remember when “I like you” was enough? “I like you” was the end all goal. “I like you” was the prize. Remember when “I like you” was enough?

I can pull out the journal and go to the specific page and entry when I first heard those words from the girl that I also liked. For the first time, it was mutual. For the first time, of all the people that I could “like”, she “liked” me back. At the time, I innocently called it a “phenomenon” of some sort, that two people could match this way in this world. “I like you” was enough. She became my first girlfriend. She became my first love.

Remember when “I love you” was enough? “I love you” was the epitome, all you needed. “I love you” was when you found the one. Remember when “I love you” was enough?

But that was before ex-boyfriends, before ex-girlfriends. Before her disapproving parents. Before his parents you couldn’t stand. This was before that little bad habit that grew into the most annoying thing ever. Before that little mole became all you saw. Before being cheated on by someone you trusted your life with. Before letting your thoughts stray to someone else. This was before pretending to like baseball. Before wishing he’d enjoy dancing, and sitting through musicals just to make her happy. “I love you” was enough before other “I love you’s”. “I love you” was enough before you realized “I thought I loved you.” It was enough before long distance meant seeing each other once a month. Before moving to New York because this was her only chance, or him taking the job in Auckland. Before you realized you were never going to convert. This was before he was ready for kids and I wasn’t; and even before she wanted to get married and I still missed being a bachelor. It was before we were hurt so deeply, before we hurt others so selfishly. It was enough, until it you found out, it wasn’t.

Remember when “I like you” was enough?

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