What The Fuck!!!

Just fallen asleep not long ago and now I am here writing this. Are there somethings that I have been ignoring? To be honest, I never had this feeling for a long long time now. With the recent works I have just done, it doesn't make any sense. Or have I loop Cow's cover of I Will Be Good/ Use Somebody once too many? The lyrics kinda make sense now after all these years has past.

I had the weirdest dream. I wouldn't call it a nightmare but somehow it woke me up anyhow. I couldn't remember much of it. Just that many of it that relates to my ex baby J. I don't know how but I came across many of his thoughts in a blog or something.

Somehow I guess after so long, it just didn't hurt that much. Eventually we all just move on. I know a memory would last but nothing would change from now. When we did Fix You a few days ago. All my mind on that song was to keep it simple and letting the emotions speaks trough the song. And I am honored to work with Pia & Jared on this. You guys make it sounded perfect to me. I swear nothing has to do with him when I did it. But somehow, it does now.

Back to the story. When I got up, all panic (which I got no idea why I did) it was just something I couldn't think straight. I nearly did but I didn't. Eventually after I woke up, I wanted to start looking up for his news and all. But I am glad I didn't. I guess I should start to learn to totally let go and store everything up as a memory. Sometimes, I do question myself why I choose to totally keep out of touch from him. Some years from now, yes, I went through the hard way.

Somehow I know I will always miss him. But the fact is that it will always be a memory to me from the day he left. And with everything that came to me now, I am blessed that I have gone through it. But why am I still afraid of these kinda dreams or I should say why am I still having dreams of him. Those promises we made we no longer void and it is just a memory. But how come I am feel so vulnerable and naked. I just couldn't explain what am I feeling right now.

And what makes it worst is the only person that I could talk to about such things and make me feel better is half way across the world from me. Just missing you very at the moment. Just wish you were here.

I should just probably get back to bed now. :(