Venti . Grande . Tall

Well, just something I wanna share about. Me and Leo decided to start something crazy out of the blue. For some reasons, we kinda find it fun to just wanna write about our experience on the little small things we do. Travelling, food, architecture, arts, shopping and music.

So we started this new blog called Venti . Grande . Tall sharing all the little things we both find worth sharing. Maybe some are not.. but well, I suppose people would already know that about me and Leo. LOL. This is our heaven and it's all about the cities and destinations that make travelling worthwhile.

We enjoy nothing more than the thrill of the open road and the joy of discovering new places, delicious foods and wonderful cultures, while meeting amazing people. Just to put them all down in words and serves us as a beautiful little journal we both would cherish from now till the time to come. 

When two 3.8. get together, this is what you get :)

So for what we are going to do, we wanna share this little journal of ours with the world. We will be starting off with out little "Tai-Tai" splurging trip in Kuala Lumpur. So much more is in planning and here is some of the places we plan to go before year end. 

• Langkawi, Malaysia
• Bali, Indonesia
• Melbourne, Australia

Well, I guess for people who knows us, we are quirky, mental, and nothing happens within expectation. It is just every single detail we decide and do, it is always BOOMZ!

So, do have a look on what we are coming up with and follow us. Would love to hear from all of you and maybe give us some suggestions too on where and where should we go and explore. This world is just too big for just the both of us. 

Things You Wanted

Human beings, need a lot of things to feel alive. Family, love, sex. But we only need one thing, to actually to be alive. We need a beating heart. When our heart is threaten, we response in one of two ways. We either run, or we attack.

There's a scientific term for this. Fight or flight. It's instinct. We can't control it. Or can we? 

When you thought you knew a person, without a doubt, you would say, " I do know that person." But more than we know, there is a possibility here. Given a choice for loving or staying. Your instinct tells you to run. A sane person who values his values in life would run and gives the other a chance to live. A normal and care free life to live.

Trying to put things in perspective. When you know dying is just a part of life, but what else would you do to put it in perspective? You just can't. For 7 years, I had to live for the choices of my doctors. The guys that cut me open, decides the one choice that was mine. 

And now, I have this heart that beats. I wanna get the choices I make. I wanna get to make my own decisions. I wanna get to be like everybody else. I wanna have my own life. Do the whatever damn hell I choose. 

This is part that I know I couldn't choose. I couldn't choose you. You are the one I wanna wake up with, and go to bed with, and do everything in between with. But I just never get to have that choice. I don't get to choose. I wanna stop fightin myself, but I know I just can't. I don't wanna do this to myself. But can I? 

There are a lot of things I need. There are a lot of emotions I want. There are so much but all are just something that fades away soon enough. 

Questions

We often want second chances. Sometimes we don't deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes. Our lives are shaped by our experiences. Our experiences are preserved in our memories. But what if we had a chance to remember things that we never actually experienced?

Have you ever found yourself revisiting a chapter of your life when you least expected to? Does the story continue where it last left off? Or does it start over with new characters and conflicts? Every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable.

Sometimes the most personal advice can be found in complete strangers. Listening to the experiences of another can help us apply what they've learned into our own lives. Two travelers on different ends of a similar situation find peace and understanding through each others words and presence. Are we defined by our actions or our intentions? What determines if we are righteous individuals? What pushes us to return to our inherent human nature?

Everyone daydreams. But what's in a daydream? It's a little bit of care-free imagination mixed with real life experiences- and topped off with a pinch of idealism. Sometimes the most interesting and meaningful moments we have are the everyday happenings that are easily forgettable. In the end, these moments are the true treasures that we cherish.

We all have those special people in our lives that we know we can count on to believe in and support us. No matter where life takes you, these friends help us along the way.

Dare to explore a world that is bigger than you know. There are a lot of reasons to not do something or not feel something. Those boundaries and walls are put up by ourselves. Once we're able to step outside of them, we can truly realize the endless possibilities the world has to offer.

Draw My Life

Well, this is my first try doing this. Draw My Life video. Still getting hold of it. It's just kinda fun doing this. Besides the fact I can't really draw circles in it. But I had fun.. Maybe soon I would do this again. Not so in the near future I hope. Hahahaha.... But I really had fun doing this!

Loving New York Winterscapes

Just wanted to shae these few pictures. Many may think winter is harsh and cold. But to me, winter is always beautiful and it does always gives me a sense of warmth and pure. No doubt that it is cold, but it is just a beauty. Especially in a city I fell in love. 

It's Dead

My playlist is official DEAD! I need a new player as soon as possible. Anyone would reckon any good ones? I use to love using Podcast till the close shop! Great, and SCM player was working fine, ain't really a user friendly engine but still, usable. And now it is also dead! I really need a new player! 

Chapter 1 - Come To Me

Since the day it first snow, I sat there and look at the snow falling on my window pane. My fire at the fire place was soft and warm enough for one. It was just months after the break up. I came back to Boston, knowing there ain't anything left for me back in Malaysia and Singapore. Feeling a little sicky but it doesn't really matters. The quietness was beautiful. No phones, no internet, no TV.

When January draws nearer, the more I wasn't looking forward to. This will be my first birthday celebrating alone. Well, maybe that was my intention to be alone. But no matter how much I wanna lie, no one wanna be alone during their birthday. At that point, life isn't worth living for me. Everything seems wrong no matter how much I wanted to see it the other way. The only comfort for me at that point, was just using drugs to numb everything that matters.

Months after months, I wasn't even writing. I somehow was just in a very dark place. No one could possibly talk me out from my own labyrinth. Or maybe I just didn't want to be talk out of it. A part of me, I was enjoying the numbness that was within. For once, it really felt good not to feel. I had a long history of using drugs. Was hooked when I was in my college days. And after so many years, I am back on it. I didn't even bother this time on how much I was using. I was totally outta control.

I didn't tell anyone yet at this moment that I was still using. It didn't really hit me either. But this 5 months being in Boston, I barely got out of the house. When know it, it was already early summer. It was time to head home to Malaysia. It didn't felt right till this moment. It was almost a year now since he left. But it still didn't felt right. The hallow was deep on my chest. Many things were going through my mind. A lot of "What If" but I knew deep down it doesn't matter either way.

But I didn't had a choice to not to go back. My meds supplies are low. And getting it in the states would cost me a fortune. It has to go through a doctor's prescription to begin with. And I ain't got any insurance here. Well, tickets are ready before even I came back. Maybe it was time to stop running away. Texted my best friend Rene and Gerald, telling them I would be back in a week time.

I was a mess but it didn't bother me at all. I let myself kept bleeding in grief and guilt. I wanted to forgive myself, but it doesn't feels right. The pictures of Jamie was flashing every minute I was awake. I miss him. But he had long gone from my life. The part of accepting that he will never come back sinks in. And the memory kept coming back to me. I was in my own realm yet again.

Well, the only intention to relived the past is to accept that a part of me wanted a closure with my own. And part of me wanted to outline what was I like when I was an addict. I am never proud of what I did, but it is a part of me. Deep down, I wanted all these urges to go away. Till this very day, I am still having all these urges. I screw up my life twice since the first drag I smoke when I was 16. And a friend told me maybe reliving and put down in words will help. At this point, I am willing to try what it takes to make those urges go away. I am still able to say no now, but I am starting to have doubts. Well, it is still worth a try. Chapter Two - Home Bound. Touching down back in Malaysia. Good night folks.