I sometimes, wish, I could be anonymous. Walk down the street of life. Before I moved to the states, I was a boy. In the music school, on the piano. I was just a boy who wanted a view of the beautiful beach. And now that things changes under circumstances, I think it's very difficult to do very simple things. Things without consequences. I think it's the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong. And never to be a victim, never making excuses, never expect anyone else to provide me things that I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams. And I actually think I have the power to make those dreams to become a reality.
When you have a stand in the music industry, no one looks at you as a human anymore. You become the property of the label. There's nothing real about it. You can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put a finger on who I am. I am... Complicated. I've grew up with a lot of conflicts and traumas and I've been through a lot. Just like everyone else. My escape is always music. And I'm so lucky that that's my job. But if I've accomplished all of these things, and had no one to share with. It will be worth nothing. You know that you need something real. In order to need any of see stuff matter. You have to have something, that is FOREVER. Something that is invisible.
I was brought up the same way my mother try to please and make everyone comfortable. And I always felt like its my job to fix problems. People pleaser. But, I'm no longer afraid of conflict, and I don't think conflict is a bad thing. Because I know, when you grow up, when you learned a few things, you no longer afraid of letting go. You no longer afraid of the unknown. You no longer afraid going to places and you're biting your mind and soul that make you feel uncomfortable. And it all starts from if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, I like that person. You know.. If I hadn't gone through some of the painful experience in my life, I would not be me.
I feel like my body is borrowed in this life. And it is very temporary. I watched my friends body deteriorate, and see someone pass on so gracefully and puts everything in perspective. We do not value ourselves enough. Especially young people who don't really appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I've always been very specific and choosy. About my body and who I wanna share with. People thinks that they lose something when they get into a relationship or marriage. But it doesn't have to be that way. There is nothing more exciting to be able to have a witness to your life.
I always consider myself as an humanitarian activist, or something. All the while, I've always afraid of that word, cause people place so much on it. When honestly, it's very simple. It's just a person who believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out, and we have to get to a point where each other is comfortable with and starts to appreciate each other. Not just for the rights of humanity, or anything. It's just a general term. I have a lot of empathy for people and the pressures they go through and the cultures that has been created. Especially for all the LGBT and people who are going through terminal illnesses. Not because I am one of them, but because I understood how hard it is having to go through cancer, and I know a lot more people are far worst than I am. I have the same empathy for women. They women has to provide, so many things for their children. I consider myself, a humanist.
You know, everybody is not good at everything. It's always okay to depend on someone. It's actually what we are suppose to do. We're supposed to depend on each other. And when you find the person that you trust, and you love, and you feel is going to respect you and take all the shit you have and turn around and bring out the best in you, it is indeed the most powerful thing in your life.
Happiness comes from you. No one else can make you happy. You make you happy. The love you have just amplified that happiness that you already have. And one thing that's for sure, the love I have, the music, my lover, my friends, and my future, it's something that will last far beyond in my life.
I'm thankful for embracing me, for understanding me, for being patient with my crazy. This is the life I am living. This is what I wanted it to be.