Pain 4.0

It has been a week since I last wrote. To a certain extend, I couldn't possibly write anything. As of now, I felt tremendous pain going through my whole body. Sometimes, I wonder how am I going to go through all these and why am I doing this. But I know it would just be a phase.

At the moment, I could be reach via iMessage. I do not have my phone with me. Just of anyone who is trying to be in touch. I felt helpless at times like this sometimes, trying to be at my best not to spread the negative energy within. Even the pain which I am going through, it is a tough decision to hold on.

I really felt like I everything in my body is crashing all the time. I am being under morphine at the moment. But the energy that kept me going is an external factor. I know there is someone who kept me going and I know that there are many that wanted to be that support. But somehow the whole system felt like shutting down. And every time, I even miss you even more. But how could I go from here?

I am trying and trying but nothing seems to work at the moment. I am feeling awfully miserable at all times. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. So much anger builds up, so much frustration and so much pain. Mentally and physically, I somehow knew nothing comes close to what you are going through but you would understand everything I am now going through. Thinking of those memories that we had, I even felt worst. At times, like this, how could I possibly say that this is enough?

It is just some random thoughts I am rambling about. I am trying not to give any idea how the condition is, but just I desperately needed to let everything out at the moment. Somehow I am trying to close every possible way that I have to every emotions that is going through. But I just couldn't take it tonight.