Only Human

I can take so much,

Till I had enough,

Cause I am only human

This phrase shatters everything that I have been holding back. Music is always a beautiful mysterious thing. On our bare eyes, it is just notes on the manuscripts, then lyrics comes in. Still at this part of the process, it is just an idea how things gonna be. Then comes the arranging and studio time. Finally the mixing and cleaning up part. Still, it would be just a track. Then you tend to forget abut the songs and moving on to the next project. 

Nothing sounds magical here right? But everything will make sense when you totally forget about it, and when it is being released, you find yourself back to the place where you stood when you wrote that song. Things are the way the way they are. But sometimes, the timing and place was just right on for the song to moves you. 

The more I am trying to avoid all the reality part of how things are right now, the easier I was being pushed towards the edge. It has been a crazy week for me. But the thing is I am only human and there is so much I could take in. The more I am trying to stand, the more I feel I am slipping away. There is just so much I can take in. 

Deep down, I really wanted to say I had enough. 7 years today, and all I can say I am really really tired. It seems like the death sentence of 6 months has been prolong again and again. I am not saying I am not thankful for that. But is this really living? When I see Dumdum, all I can do is put on a smile and hold his hands. But what I really wanted to do is just let go and say I had enough. 

I know I owe it to my parents. But living in between these two is just pulling me down. Like I say it before

 Having cancer is one thing, Living with cancer is another.

I am really tired. I really hated the on-going pain that I am having. I really just don't wanna feel anything anymore. I hated to feel broken. The more I told myself "I can do it" the more I knew I didn't wanted to. At least at the moment I really don't want to. I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh, I can dance and play the part. But I am only human. I have really reaches the point of just wanted to do what I wanted. I wanted that so bad right now. All I can think of now is Zombie. He would understood everything. 

I'm only human

I'm only human 

Just a little human.