Transitioning

When everyone starts telling you that it is just a stage, somehow, you know that it isn't as easy as it seems to be. No matter what we go through in life, at that very moment, it is just like a dark hole that absorbs you in. No one would ever know, no one would ever understand that moment.

Tonight wasn't just like any other nights that I've actually been in. It isn't about the physical pain, it isn't about the excruciating emotion turmoil, it isn't about anything at all. Reflecting on what life has to give, I just wanted to make it right for myself. For once, I wanted it to be.

Opened up my "un-finish" library and started to write. The more my fingers ran on the keyboard of my piano, everything seems like going rightfully wrong. Someone comes into your world and suddenly your world changed forever. That was the feeling that gave me hope, faith, and fear.

From everything that wasn't real, to a firm grip of reality. The hope that drives you on fighting your own shadows, the faith you held on to when there is nothing to hold on, and the fear of how much tears and grief that lies upon them.

Facing cancer is part of giving in to the life that has been given up before you start living. Surviving is an instinct that drives you on, and all you end up in the same dark hole where everyone just see you as what you wanted them to see. Who else would really understand that part of life?

If I was given a real choice for myself, that choice wouldn't be a choice that will put a smile on your face, but life always put you on the edge. And that is where music has been my safe place, a place I can just express everything in and not to fear what other will think of what I choose.

A song that I couldn't stop playing all day. One amazing track written by Diane Warren and made famous by Demi Lovato