A Part Of Me Turning

I know besides rebloging, I haven't write anything personal so far. And after these few busy weeks, I finally have one night to myself. It's nearing 2 in the morning and I am looping on Adele's 19 and 21. Called me a freak, but certainly depressing music certainly gimme a sense of peace.

I haven't been in touch with my inner self lately with the pile of work around me. And now that the writing process, I kinda have to tap into that part of me. Not that I am complaining. The recording process is just amazing to me. I will be needing to write another 5-6 songs due for her upcoming album releasing early of next year. It has really productive from London to LA. So far 2 have been chosen to be in her album. But what I am lack now are ballads. The two that will be featured are really pop rock track. And I needed something really personal. Something that has a dark side to it. Something that what our heart could actually feels and relate to.

In many levels, I have been in a happy place somehow. Despite of the physical challenges that I am facing, a part of me is just feeling thankful. Of course those bad days are bound but I big part Mr D, Leo, and my besties were there to pick me up. The question is how can I tap into that part when everything seems to be good and kind to me.

I've been sitting in front of my keyboard for hours now. From as many chord progressions that I can come up with, I still don't feel the right melody that could come out from it. I know my besties will call me a masochistic freak. Besides the "confusion" stage I am in now, I don't really could see where I am heading with my music.

Then it comes down to this one little word. "Loneliness". To be truly honest, I do feel that in someway, I couldn't much relate to this word much since 2013. Of course from time to time we missed someone in our life. But there ain't any sense of loneliness that lingers. It isn't that I never experienced it, maybe I just know how bad it could possibly wreak me in many ways.

When I was writing this new track called One Note, it  went into some old places where I really didn't enjoy that part of my life. Since I reconnected back with Mr D after years, I realize what life could be and how much more I can make the best of what I have instead of keep hoping for the best to happen for me. I use to think that a strong individual in personalities with a balance of vulnerability are those I usually would date. And with what life has thrown to me, I start to learn that a lot of times, it's really all that small little moments that were the most valuable. To cherish and to hold. Don't really bother about what the fuck the world will ever thinks about it. It is your life anyhow. I know it is easy to say, but at least what we can do is try. I know I am doing too daily. A lot of times, it really comes to that point that it doesn't matter at all what others wanted to know. You know that the moment is for you and only you.

But when it comes to this point again with my writing, it's just one fickle minded fucking position to be in. I desperately needed that place to write a strong ballad. But where do I start? I guess best is I just have to sleep on it. Better hit the sack, gotta be at work by 9 in the morning.