Nobody Knows

Whenever things starts to turn around, I always wanted to stand tall but eventually I crumble. I wish I was stronger in many many ways. Listening to Pink's Nobody Knows made me feel that it is ok to feel this way. Honestly, it is a little overwhelming for me to handle everything. My emotions are everywhere over the place. Sometimes, people tells me to share how it felt being in the bed I am in and what I should be feeling. Not to say that I didn't really try. I did what I could but like what the song says. Nobody Knows...

I lie here now after therapy, thinking to myself, what is the point of having a say sometimes. I know everyone meant well. I know everyone wishes for the best. And I am trying to be as positive as I could be. But these few days, I really felt even more left out. Whenever the question " How are you today?" or "How are you feeling?" arise, I try to not answering them. From time to time, I wanted to say how I really am but the thing is many hear me, but no one listens. Well, I guess life always throw us with all these challenges to overcome.

Well in a friend once told me, no matter how things are, it will be just a phrase. Suck it up and let it embrace us with the pain and soon enough, it will be over. Well, emotionally, I felt way better than last night. I guess whenever it is quiet and i'm alone, I always let my fear overpower me. The fear of losing, the fear of fighting, the fear of losing my inner voice, the fear of the uncertain of tomorrow.Well, like it or not, fear is something we have to live with no matter we wanna admit it or not.

But fear is a well enough tool to make or break us. It's not gonna be easy to cope with this bu he least I try. For starters, I am tired of running away from it. I think it is a damn good motivation to start with. The fear that consume in every night is really killing me and I am tired of being that way. How am I gonna start? I got no idea at all. But it is something I really wanna make changes on in my life at the moment. I misses all my friends, I misses the life I use to have, I misses everything when I was still healthy and running. My world is asleep now, but nobody sees it the way I did. Nobody knows..

Nobody knows but me

That I sometimes cry

If I could pretend that I'm asleep

When my tears start to fall

I peek out from behind these walls

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows, no 

Nobody likes,

Nobody likes to lose their inner voice

The one I used to hear before my life

Made a choice

But I think nobody knows

No, no

Nobody knows

No 

Baby

Oh, the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be 

And, baby, don't it feel like I'm all alone?

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown

And I've lost my way back home?

I think nobody knows, no

I said nobody knows 

Nobody cares

It's win or lose, not how you play the game

And the road to darkness has a way

Of always knowing my name

But I think nobody knows

No, no Nobody knows, no 

Tomorrow I'll be there, my friend

I'll wake up and start all over again

When everybody else is gone

No, no, no 

Nobody knows

Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart

The way I do when I'm lying in the dark

And the world is asleep

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Nobody knows but me

Nobody knows