Love That Was Left Behind

This isn't a post about sadness, this isn't a post about happiness either. On a very neutral grounds, just out of no where, the feeling of missing from the past. A family, a loved one. My brother.

I don't know where all this comes from but just I do more than ever comparing with any other day. Thinking of those days growing up together, the talk that you always gives me that made me feel safe. You were always my safe haven. Just wanted to say how much I miss you. For the past 12 years, there isn't a day you were not on my mind.

Anyway, I am just hoping that tomorrow will be the end of the long wait. From one day to another, I was being delayed again and again for my opt. The only thing I know was my body isn't really strong enough for me to go under anesthesia. Well, by me just waiting day by day is really more torturing that being incubated. In many ways, things were getting tougher and tougher. Not that I am complaining. Just feeling weak isn't something we get use to it. Therapy by therapy gone by, and here I am, still hoping that everything would hide away.

I guess somehow that inner peace is something that is really crucial for anyone to go through anything they are facing in life. I know comparing with them, I am no where near to their pain. The physical pain isn't easy, but it isn't some reason for me to complain about it either. Where do I find peace? In music.

People tells me music is art. But I say no, music are genuine human emotions put down in melody. Just like how we write our stories. Been turning my iTunes upside down. Flipping all those old tracks I have and losing myself in it. Somehow it is one of the places I feel I am free. Free from pain, free from everything that was going on around me. I know there are many issues in life I needed to address for the reason of me going forth. Or maybe I know I wasn't ready to cope with so many thing at once.

Remember I was doing harmony earlier for some tracks. That sense of peacefulness in me. It was one thing that I had not feel for a long time. It felt right, it felt home, it felt just right. Having to give all that I have now, it just put a smile on my face. From every bit of other emotions that sums up, I smile cause everything that was going through me made me feel alive. And life is really one great thing that is worth celebrating. With that, Eli, I understood everything at last. It all makes perfect sense now. A beautiful life.