Revelations

For the righteous, a revelation is a joyous event. The realization of a divine truth. But for the wicked, revelations can be far more terrifying when dark secrets are exposed and sinners are punished for their trespasses.

 Emily VanCamp

Revelations aren't something we just say and let it be. It is something we hold close with out inner self. But in many many ways, I wonder myself, do I wanna have a revelation if I do not have the intention of making it happen? In total, I spent 4 months this year in total on my time in the ward. 4 months doing a musical in Malaysia. 2 months touring with the band in the United Kingdom and one back here in the states. But what put me on the line was this question. I ask myself every year and I still wonder how to keep that faith. How long more could this go on? A question that no firm answers that leads to it.

In the will of faith, the timeline is never a clear thing for me to live with. Winter rolls in quickly and there I am standing at a point where I ask myself, How was my year. Never complain about anything at all in life, things always happens in ways that beyond our imaginations. Good or bad, is how we accept it. I always do with a smile no matter what are the outcome of it. Whenever things gets ugly, it will just be a matter of time before it is over. And once it is over, smile and let go of it.

For many reasons, I still felt that what the heart wants is never something that could really brings the warmth from it. I have been dumped, I have dumped. I have been hurt, I have hurt. I have been played out, and I too played. So many ways, it is just a cycle that never stops. But in many many ways, happiness doesn't comes in the form that we always want. But yes, everyone deserve to be happy. 

I always have this simple rule in life. Give the things that you wanted in life. The power of giving is something that we should not underestimate. If I wanted happiness, I should by starting to give happiness to others. But yet, we are also souls of the sinner. And at points in life, we lose it. I try to tell myself that sometimes, it is ok to lose it. But make that mark a lesson. And when comes to a point, the irony of kept having those lessons repeat itself. I do ask myself all the time, "When will it finally be enough?"  An answer that I still am seeking for the truth that lies within. 

I know that my ranting sometimes doesn't make sense. I felt bad writing crap. But sometimes, you are just tired of being that perfect person you wanna be. It isn't something to impress others or whatever lame reason to others. But we all know, deep down, we always wanted to be that person we have that certain expectations to. No matter how much we wanna be or what we wanted, everything that we feel are self inflicted. And living with that fear is part of what we are. Fearing of not getting the things we wanna be, things we wanna have and things we wanna possessed. The only thing left is are we bold enough to stand up to that and accept that we are just humans.