I had the weirdest dream ever. First was brother and brother bonding. Turn into a tuition runaway and a consultation session with a teacher. (which I got no idea who the hell is she) Knowing the fact that so far, I haven't got any number one hit on the billboard yet so far through out my entire career in song writing. The highest point I get was to number 12 in the billboards.
But the thing that happen in my dream was this fella, she told me something that I couldn't possibly get it out of my head at the moment. First thing she analyze that I was working my ass off from London, to Sydney, from LA to New York. And the point of thinking to try out doing in Asia is just out of the question. She ask me that do I think am I good enough? As much as I wanna deny this fact, I write sappy emotional tunes, which so far never got me anywhere. I didn't manage to get into top 10 like ever. And I am 28 this year. The point really got to me that am I good enough to really stay in the industry?
Somehow deep in me, I know that I would never be like those really top contender in the Grammy's or anything. I never really put thought to it. In fact, my nominee in the past was merely a team effort. I am not saying that I am not proud of it. But where am I going from here? Fact that could I or would I really wanted to have another 10 years doing like this? I mean yes, I am bless with all the work so far and the opportunity given. But would I really excel?
I just hate nightmares. I woke up straight away when she said "Are you sure you are good enough?" It sucks to be honest. I don't know what's going on. Best thing was I could possibly talk to my bestie about this. She straight away says she is going to ignore me and saying all these that is going in my mind are crap! But is it true? I don't know. I feel like shit now. Couldn't possibly sleep again, sitting here by the fire place blogging about this. Now what is going through my mind is that is it time to hand up the towel and move home. I just hate nightmares. And I just want it all outta my head now. :(
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Hmm..as long as you still find happiness and satisfaction from what you are doing even though sometimes reality will cover them up. Just remember if the decision will lead to regret but you still think it's worth it, then just it's the right choice.
ReplyDeleteThanks buddy! Those are really warm words to me!! Thank you.. Huggies!!
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome! Glad that you accepted this little boy's words. =D
ReplyDeleteBy the way, nice playlist again ; )
Haha... you made me curious on your age now. And I start to really accept that the fact I am old among my fellow bloggers..
ReplyDeleteHahah.. Thank you again for that compliment on my playlist. I know it hasn't change much for these few days! I am still deeply in love with Red by Taylor. Will start shuffling it soon for new tunes too. :-)
Hahaha...Don't worry I don't think you are old and I am not that really young..just nice to consider as young adult.. ;)
ReplyDeleteOk.. I wud accept that fact my own. Lol
ReplyDeleteOoo..maybe the subconscious you is trying to hint something else.
ReplyDeleteOr, it could just be a "writer's block" at the moment. It happens almost all the time in the creative realm.
:)
No idea Chen Xing! I think I should stop doubting myself. Somehow yeah, it's like what of say, subconsciously I always think I'm not good enough. Believing and having faith is key and I'm trying to change that.
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