A Song For You My Dear

I know that I am going away
I'll be back soon
There's things I've gotta do
So don't you even dare
Give me that "come back" stare
'Cause you know I'm not that strong, no

I need to say goodbye
But every time I try
Something you do
Pulls me back into you
So tell the driver please
That I'm not gonna need
His services tonight, oh no

You got a way
Of making me stay
You got my heart in your hands
You got a way
Of saying my name
That I can't resist
You got a way with me

No matter how I try
I just can't say goodbye
When I see that smile
It makes me stay for a while
So we're not gonna leave
Until the autumn trees
Turn from red to winter gray
Yes, that's what I say

You got a way
Of making me stay
You got my heart in your hands
Yes, you've got a way
Of saying my name
That I can't resist
You got a way with me

No, I can't resist
'Cause you've got a way with me

In so many ways listening to Thank You Camellia and this song struck me right in the heart. Every word meant every single emotion that I am feeling right now. At that point I think back the last time I met you, I dare not even dare to bring up that topic. Because I know I am not that strong. But all the emotions fits when it brings me back to that moment in life. 

Lying here in the ward and couldn't possible move my lower part but still trying to get up. The frustration of the pain that kept me wanting to be better. But could I possibly do it? I am extremely tired. And honestly, I don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. Because no one will ever know what I am feeling and I really don't wanna make them understand either. But having said that, I still have somebody out there that would understand. But just that I couldn't reach out. 

2 more days for me and I am not feeling any better. Would I break this year round knowing that I couldn't do anything to make me forget? I am feeling everything crumble down. Nothing much on my part that I could possibly do but to bare with everything. Sometimes, I wish it all ended long ago, the pain is excruciating and I don't know how to use words to describe. I feel I just wanted to live without this curse. This half life I am having, isn't a blessing at all. Am I talking on my condition or am I talking on my emotions? I am now being blinded by the physical pain that I am bounded by the emotions.