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Thursday, January 1, 2015

Control

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

- Maya Angelou
Inspiration - Part 005 : January 5th 2015



Every thing happens for a reason. Today has been a mixed of both good and bad. Life has always been a mystery. The things that we knew could somehow turns to strange situation that we sometimes couldn't comprehend. Living with cancer for the past few years made me see the world differently. I couldn't really say life have been tough on me cause I know that is not true. I've always been blessed with a great support system. My family, my love one, my friends all are my sources to keep me going. 

Every time when I see myself as a victim of life's own game, I realize there are the people I love and care for who are suffering as well. A big part of me wanted to do more. But how could I be able to do so? I can't handle myself at times too. Sometimes, I really wished I could just let my guard down and let people in to this realm where everything is just filled with agony and dispare. Believe it or not, I really wanted to. But in the end, I just naturally held back. It is like a part of me just didn't wanna let myself to be vulnerable.

But like I mentioned earlier, life has also been kind to me. Ever since Valentines Day two years back, I felt like a part of me didn't have to carry that weight myself. And now, having you in my life made me felt even more lucky. I remember I once told my bestie that I wouldn't be so lucky to have him. Apparently I am the lucky one. I'm grateful for that. And I love you to bits for that. 

But when things came down to Mr D. I felt like sometimes, I really wanted to shelter him from all the crappy stuff life have thrown at him. And I know a fact Leo would totally support me in this. When things seem to turn out a little better for him, another curve ball was thrown towards him. Something I could relate to all the time. The thing is, I don't know what I am feeling. 

Even for another character in my life I've never really mentioned in my blog before. I know these are tough times, but sometimes the more we wanna be in control of life, the more we couldn't grab a grip. I was left puzzled on why the temper? I was confused, but then again, I knew what happened. Through the years, I think I begin to understand sometimes, when the faith and trust we have among friends, when it isn't strong enough, things would easily just fall apart. I slept on it and it was just clear to me. I may not be in control in a lot of things in life, but I know who are the people that meant to me for me to hold on to. For that, I've learned how to let go. 

There are people that I wanted them to stay, there are also those I would just smile and nod and say goodbye to. Life is just a beautiful journey that I do not wanna put those un-needed thorns to it. There are so much more I wanted to do and so much more I wanted to make this life counts. What matters and what doesn't, it's just coming down to what I decide to do. I may not be in control in life, but I could certainly be in control on how I wanna feel about life. And I'm glad that I've decided on what I wanted. Suffering is inevitable, but feeling pain is a choice. 








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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~