In Loving Memories

Local time at 3:40am in the morning. I receive a call from LA. With just simple words.

Ricky, Brandon is gone.

The sudden news of Brandon isn't here anymore hit me. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know how to feel. It didn't hit me until I was listening to Keith Urban's track from the past. It wasn't sudden. But it wasn't also expected. I sill feel the numbness with me. I still don't know how would I actually be now. 

Brandon was one of a kind. We sat along long nights in the studio writing our work. He was the sunshine and he was the clown. Brandon was also going through cancer. I remembered once during chemo, he would joke about doing it more often and together cause it would be fun to do it with a friend. 

Maybe I am still in shock and I still don't know how would it be with life without him around right now. He was always the one who is there to tell me it's a worth while fight to live on and put all those unsaid feeling into our music. He really inspire me to stay true to my roots and he was one of those who really made me feel less lonely when I was going through everything in life. 

What was certain in life is actually just death alone. Everything in i is so unpredictable and uncertain. Things can be good in a second, and the next, everything could have just gone away. When I lost my faith in love, Brandon is the one who always tell me that love is the one thing that we shouldn't lose faith in. Deep down no matter what or how we say, we couldn't possibly understood how our heart works. I remember he once told me. Good or bad, it will turn out ok in the end. Before it feels better, it hurts like hell.

You have fight a good fight Bran.. It just never cross my mind I would lose you this soon. I miss you Bran. I really do. Who will be the one now having left over pizza with me? I still feel the numbness that made me felt empty. God gain an angel, I lose a friend. I miss you Bran..

Harrods Hotel Will Open In KL In 2018

Qatar Holding, which owns Harrods Group, also has on the drawing board to build Harrods Hotels in London and Italy.

The seven-star Harrods Hotel Kuala Lumpur, which will have more than 30 floors, will feature 250 to 300 hotel rooms and several floors for serviced apartments and retail space.

Two other luxury hotels under construction or being planned in Kuala Lumpur are St Regis at KL Sentral and the 65-storey Four Seasons Place near the Kuala Lumpur City Centre. It is understood that the cost to build each Harrods Hotel room is RM2.5 million to RM4 million, depending on the size and finishing. A six-star hotel room costs an average RM2.5 million to build and for five-star hotel rooms, it will cost about RM1.5 million to RM2 million each.

Qatar Holding vice-chairman Dr Hussain Ali Al-Abdulla said there will be a minimum of 200 rooms and the hotel will be ready in 2018.

The hotel will be owned and operated by Harrods Hotel Management Co, Hussain said. "I can't reveal the project cost as we are calling for tenders in the third or fourth quarter of this year. We don't want bidders marking up the price," he said. Hussain was speaking here yesterday, at the hotel's ground-breaking ceremony in Jalan Conlay. Also present was Federal Territories and Urban Wellbeing Minister Datuk Raja Nong Chik Raja Zainal Abidin.

Harrods Hotel forms part of an integrated development that will feature two serviced residences, an office block (60-70 Floors) and a 400,000 sq ft retail mall.

The entire development will be undertaken by Jerantas on a 2.2ha site currently housing Chulan Square and Sri Melayu Restaurant. The land was acquired by Jerantas from the government for RM1,800 per sq ft, or RM429.68 million.

Hussain said at the signing ceremony that the cost to develop the hotel and the integrated development is about RM2 billion.

He said the hotel component will feature up to 300 hotel rooms, apartments and retail space.

On the pricing of the serviced apartments, he added that it would be higher than Banyan Tree Residences.

The last transacted price for the Banyan Tree was RM2,800 per sq ft.

Four Season Place Kuala Lumpur

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak today launched here the first Four Seasons Place in South East Asia, a RM2.5 billion worth development by Venus Assets Sdn Bhd.

Venus Assets’ Chairman Tan Sri Syed Yusof said the development, encompassing a 1.5 million square-feet area, is expected to be completed in four years and would open up various job opportunities.

“It will also have a spiralling effect on other industries including suppliers, contractors, architects, engineers, lawyers and also bankers, as this bodes well for the economy and the nation,” he said at the launch of the Four Seasons Place here, today.

The Sultan of Selangor, Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah, witnessed the launch.

Meanwhile, Najib said the project and many other similar projects reflected investors’ recognition of the underlying strength in the Malaysian economy.

“It is against this backdrop that I am pleased to see Four Seasons Place project coming to fruition.

“Not only does it typify the kind of growth that will steer Malaysia to our 2020 vision and beyond, but it also speaks of the confidence which investors place in our capital, our country and our economy,” he said in his speech.

The 65-storey integrated development project consists of over 300,000 square feet of luxury retail space, with over 231 hotel rooms, as well as hotel service apartments and residence ranging from 1,300 to 12,000 square feet in size per unit.

Syed Yusof said the Seasons Residence would provide the ultimate in prestige and exclusivity for owners with residential swimming pool located over 330 metres above ground level.

“The Four Season Hotel will provide the finest world-class five-star hospitality services to guests and residents,” he added.

He said that the private residence and hotel were both designed according to Four Seasons standards, providing world-class accommodation to residents and guests.

The Four Seasons Place and the Four Seasons Hotel Kuala Lumpur will be managed by Four Seasons Hotel and Resort.

Key Points 

1. It will be the tallest HOTEL TOWER (or hotel residences) in ASEAN!

2. It will be the tallest Four Seasons confirmed built in the world (excluding proposals).

3. As of now, it will be the 2nd tallest building in Malaysia!

4. It will have the highest Swimming Pool in ASEAN!

5. The mall will be the most luxurious for Kuala Lumpur.

Credits to BERNAMA & PATCHAY

Obsession

We all in general never really see the power of obsession. Well, to me, obsession can be in many ways. In good or even in a bad way. But what do you see in obsession? What can we be to live with it?

I for one, I am obsessed with music and passenger aircraft. First of all things in life, music is really one thing I couldn't let go of. I use to say music is more important than food to me. Well, to me, it is a way of an outlet more a like. A way I express some emotions that I couldn't do it with words or actions. But this is one of the obsession I have since young. I would love to spend time in front of my piano or organ for hours just playing whatever comes out from my fingers. People may say this is passion. Well, I do think passion and obsession can co-exist together. With the drive of my passion and being obsessed to wanting to let it out.

As of aircraft, I just love it. And yes, I bet you guys would notice with my extensive post of them. Nothing much about but I just love them.

Well, afterall, part of being a song writer, emotions is a really strong tool that we needed. That is why I am emo all the time. But partially, I couldn't deny that part of me wanting to keep doing it. And by the way, the single was released today. I am happy to share this beautiful song here on my playlist. It was an old song but a new twist to it. The beautiful melody and lyrics of Foolish Games is one of those scores you wanted to get lost with, which Jewel flawlessly re-recorded with Kelly at her side! Talk about the best of both worlds!!! This is just beautiful! Stunning, really! An exquisite rendition! With Jewel's usual country pop vibe and the rock edge by Kel's voice! I love it. Hope you guys love this track too. I am know I am obsessed with it at the moment.

Since we are on the topic, obsession could even comes in the most dangerous way. I am not gonna touch anything on relationship or love at the moment. But something I could relate to. Drugs. Being an ex-addict, he obsession will always be there no matter how long you have quit it. It is just that part of it that kept wanting it so. But that wasn't the scariest part of it. What really is scary when you are obsessed about being in control whenever you have it. That part of it is one of the deadliest thing one could do. Everything around you were magnified when you are under the influence. Everything senses becomes stronger and the mind just couldn't stop playing tricks. Even with those that calms you down. Everything is being magnified that way. Honestly since my Paranoid post till today, I have been having dreams. Of me doing it. Flashes of memories about how great it felt when I was under. Yet when I woke up, everything crumbles. At part of how I wasted parts of my life with it kept me sane. But that too was one of the obsession of mine. I will still have to live with it to my grave.

Well, one of the reasons I am writing this is also I am gonna leave Sydney tonight. Well, it was really pack. I had my opt and I met Ron. At least I get to see my love ones. I haven't seen him in ages. Good to see him actually. So, as usual, lazy to pack and I am about to fall asleep yet again. But what remains at the back of my mind was what has install for me in Singapore. Another 3 dosage and 12 sessions. Sucks but it is what it is. I was talking to a friend earlier today. Will told me I always have a choice to what I am going through. But really do I have that luxury? If it was really a choice to me, the only person in this world who will understand what my choice is Mr D. He really do see what I am going through and what I feel. I am thankful to have him around me all the time. Like he always says,

At least we have each other. 

ONEWorld - Malaysia Airlines - One February

Recent airlines elect to join the oneworld alliance: 

• Malaysia Airlines 
• SriLankan Airlines 
• Qatar Airways 

These members elect are currently undergoing their integration process into full membership of the oneworld alliance. Once this integration is complete, you will enjoy more convenient travel options across the oneworld network throughout Asia, the Middle East, Africa and India.

Malaysia Airlines will join oneworld on 1 February 2013 after being confirmed as a member elect of the alliance in June 2011.

Established in 1947 and employing more than 20,000 staff with its subsidiaries, Malaysia Airlines is one of Asia’s most recognised and awarded carriers.

It is one of only six airlines in the world given five stars by the Skytrax airline quality ratings agency. The airline has won the Skytrax ‘World’s Best Cabin Crew’ award for six of the past 10 years and was also named ‘Asia’s Leading Airline’, ‘World’s Leading Airline to Asia’ and ‘Asia’s Leading Business Class Airline’ in the 2010 U.K. World Travel Awards.

Malaysia Airlines serves some 60 destinations in nearly 30 countries throughout Asia, the Pacific, Europe, Africa, and North America.

It also flies to oneworld hubs at Hong Kong, Tokyo Narita, Sydney, London Heathrow, Los Angeles, and code-shares withoneworld partners Cathay Pacific, Japan Airlines and Royal Jordanian.

Once the airline becomes of full member of the oneworld alliance, Malyasia Airlines' Enrich frequent flyer programme members members will be able to enjoy additional frequent flyer benefits, including the ability to earn and redeem points across the oneworld network and access more premium lounges around the world.

Watch the joining ceremony live on the MH YouTube channel. Malaysia Airlines - YouTube

1730 Thursday 31st MST (0930 GMT)

Malaysia Airlines will have 3 aircraft painted in the ONEworld Livery. What we know now for sure is one will be on the Boeing 737-800 and the other will be on an Airbus A330-300. What remains a mystery for now is what aircraft will be painted with the ONEworld livery? Will be on the Boeing 777-200LR or the Airbus A380?

Below are some pictures of the brand new Oneworld livery for Malaysia Airlines on the Airbus A330-300. I think they got it right this time with the tail fin. The Malaysia Airlines Logo is way bigger than the initial ones on the A330. And the new font also makes it better. Can't wait to see how it will turn out on the Boeing 737-800.

Barbieland

So here comes Barbieland. I actually wanted to dedicate this post to three beautiful people I have in my life. And these three fellas are link together. Whenever I actually am going through rough times during my treatment and all, they were all there. So, I decided to dedicate this fantasy dreamland to them. It's call Barbieland. Well, I have better reason to use this. It all went back to last year.

Well the first person would be Sammy! Imma gonna name him that here. And of course, I will be Barb! (I know, too much of Nicki) But yes. It was really funny how we actually get acquainted. It starts from the word "Pretty" Hahaha.. And that is all I get from that word. I got him at "pretty" Sammy has the biggest sunniest smile like ever. And talking about him, he is like this hot hunky fella who is really passionate about the things he does. Well.. I know everyone is hot and hunky in my blog but he really is.

Well, it was a long journey. From KL to Singapore back to Boston and everywhere I go. But I ain't gonna go into details about it. And then, there is Ken from Barbieland! The most charming person! I have a lot of respect for Ken actually. From everything that he had been through. All I can say he is one amazing person. of course fabulous too. We were like divas wanted to meet up in Chicago. But that didn't happen. I wonder what if we did. We will be like the biggest divas around.

Well, in every fairly tale there will be the bad guy! And he is Barb's worst enemy. The name is Gavinella! I am so gonna get killed if they ever read this. But I really do love this fella loads. Why I say he was my enemy is simply just when I first knew him, he sent me a picture of him holding an ice cream cone! But yes, he is one wonderful soul.

These three really help me through rough patches from time to time. But I still got no idea why am I writing this post. Maybe I was thinking of a proper introduction to the characters in my blog. (which I know it's an epic failure) So.. Yeah.. three fun guys that will be featured more from time to time.

Sorry guys, I really don't know what am I doing writing such lame post. Blame it on the meds. Mental note : Don't write when I am under my meds.

A Sting In The Heart

Everyone will somehow feel this kinda emotions once in a while. And today, it isn't much different for me. So, Barbieland post still gotta be postpone for the time being. Well, this is somehow something that is outta the blue. Honestly, I am feeling helpless. Even though that my medical bills and all I could still handle it myself, but somehow, something is stirring up at home.

I really don't know what is the situation at home to be honest. But I start to sense the tension building up between mom and dad. Honestly, they wouldn't tell me a single thing. To them, I am handling all my medical bills now is already something that they couldn't hope for. Both of them now are retired. But there is something going on. Whenever I am around, they just shut up. Dad even walked out whenever it I was there. I know nothing much I could do. And I know, here isn't anything I could do to help.

But all these couldn't stop me from wondering. I really wish I could do something. All I am feeling is like a blockage and everything doesn't seems right. I know that I should focus on my health at the moment. But being the eldest it just something that I couldn't runaway from. I know by ranting it out here wouldn't do much good but still, hoping for something that could lessen that burden that I am feeling right now.

I really got no idea what I could do but just sitting here like an idiot feeling helpless. If there is a higher power out there, do you really hear me? There is so much I feel and they say you would feel what I feel. Still, you were a complete mystery to me. I couldn't really help to let the tears flow with me. I just wanted the best for my family, and I really wonder how could I give the best to them when I am at a condition like this. Am I really asking too much?

Paranoid

I'm actually suppose to write about Barbieland on this post. But I think that can wait. There I was browsing through twitter as usual. And here I was at one hottie's account. So pandai lah me. Go browse through his photo.

It was actually nothing much. Until I came across some pictures. I saw bongs. It wasn't really anything. It was fine at first but soon after, my mind starts to wonder. Memories starts flowing in. All those dark days when I under the influence of drugs. It wasn't really the memory that made me paranoid. But that sudden urge of wanting it.

It was stirring from inside, wanting just one drag of it. Just one puff. And I know, it will only take me one puff to get hooked back on it. It's been 14 months now since I stopped using it. What made me really scared was myself. I was wanting it that bad. And for the record, it was my second time quitting it. I was a long user that measured by years.

The emotions that was stirring up in me. That wanting of something! That part really freaks me out. And here I am thinking how screwed up I was during that time. Sometimes, what they say is really true. An addict will always be an addict. Even I have stopped using, when the urge arise, it just made you wanting it so bad. And I knew I meant it. Lucky enough for me, it was time for my meds and the least, the nurse could medicate me and I will be able to get some rest for now.

Trying still to let go of that urge. And I know, I'm still not in control of saying no. It was afterall just a picture and it stirs up the darkest side of myself.

Idols Drama

So since my epic failure to sneak out to the city tonight, gonna just enjoy myself here a little ranting crap. But one thing kinda really made me miss a lot was American Idol. It's been nearly 3 years now since I was last being involve in the production. Even Ricky Minor isn't there any more. Being part of his music team is like one of the amazing thing ever. So since idol is now in full swing, what do we actually expect from this year?

Honestly to me, since Cowell is gone, it was never the same. But still, Idols has really position itself at the top of so many competitions in the country. But the thing is does the competition stays at it's very best level? I really didn't think so. I am not here to like bash them or whatsoever. I am thankful because of Idols, I have so much opportunity to work with all these amazing singers. I wouldn't get to know Cow or even Dumdum for that sake. You guys rock my world.

But the integrity of the competition, We can't deny the fact that now, it has kinda become a popularity competition than a really great talent show. I am not saying their talent sucks! It's just the voting has become a playground. Honestly, look at all the recent winners. Yes, no doubt, doing superbly well in the States. But where are they internationally? It has actually catering for the American market mostly now.

Matheus auditions for Idols

When was the last time we saw an amazing star born in Idols? Since Dumdum I think. And yet, Dumdum isn't the winner to begin with. Somehow really hope there will be another real big shot will come this year. But who are the talents we are really eyeing on? So far, from all the auditions rounds, what I could say there are a lot of female talent this year. But any with a real winning edge? So far, I haven't really spotted one. For the guys, so far, two were the stand out. Brunell Taylor from Louisiana, and Matheus who auditions in Texas. I guess Matheus rings the bell for some of you. Yes, it is he the same fella who was in the glee project.
Does he got it to win? I am not sure. But what I am sure is about Brunell. He has this amazing voice box. Really another amazing singer that could tell a story with his voice. He put Mariah to tears with his audition. To me, ever since Cow won idols, no one really could like do that. Except for Carrie of course. Carrie is blossoming into this really great country queen. A lot of maturity in her voice in her latest album. Anyway, back to Idols. Yeah, so, even I really wish to see another winner who really could stand up for it. And if you guys realize, it has been a long time ever since a girl won the title. Maybe it is about time?

Brunell Taylor blowing everyone off with his voice

No idea at the moment but when the live shows starts, there is where the fun comes in. Who will be the front runners? Who will be the black horses? and Who are the stars. Oh.. and hopefully no diva this year. I guess we already have two amazing great divas on the table. The one who loves to be that kinda Diva and the roll eyes one. Still think both of them are amazing. So, what do you think? I am pretty sure my dearest TULS will be rooting for Lazaro for sure. :P

Hello Sydney Yet Again

So here I am. Landed in Sydney and starting to feel a little bored. First thing in my mind was call my god bro and sneak me out or something. But till now, I am just done with the papers and getting ready for admittance. Bored!

So now working on the master plan on sneaking out. First thing is to get my parent head back to the hotel and leave me alone. I know, I am hopeless. But, I am in Sydney, I shouldn't miss that chance to meet up my old friends and all right? I promise I will be a good boy... (Or maybe not.. )

The thing is I kinda don't trust myself of being a good boy here. It's SYDNEY!!!! Anyway, just another time wasting post. :P

Working on my master plan. Signing off for now. Great to be back in Sydney.

Letting Go With Goodbyes

Sometimes Goodbyes are the hardest thing to let go of.

What makes it really heavy to say goodbyes are those that you really care and love. As parting is always hard when it comes to the heart. Listening to Through The Rain on my iPod, sitting here in terminal 3 waiting for my flight in Changi. I know it will be only days in Sydney before transferring back here in Singapore. Even so, feeling a little heavy hearted. Somehow just hate all this kinda emotions that is rolling around. Just trying to keep myself right. Not to be like an emotional train wreck! I would look absolutely fugly with my cry face!

I remembered the last time I was here was my birthday last year with Mr D. Honestly, it was one of the most amazing heart felt birthday I have ever had. Thinking back that night, I was just sitting in front of MBS after watching Wicked and waiting for Mr G to get to us. It was 3 long hours just me and him talking about how life was and how things were. And the best part of it was they surprise me when I got back to my hotel room. We were all out for high end celebration that year. We were staying at Fullerton. That small little cake was one of the best thing that happen to me.

Somehow Singapore does give me a lot of memories. All back to the time I was living here with Baby J. Somehow it is a place where my life started somehow. Seriously, I kinda hate this kinda emotions going through. But yet, it is inevitable towards it. Ricky, breath in and exhale.. Breath in and exhale.. It will get better from here I kept telling myself.

A lot of things that I can't get my head right. Sometimes, it ain't easy to really like trust my own intuition on a lot of thing. Sigh.. Mr D, really wish you were here right now. You always knew what was the right thing to do. I know you are going through a lot these few days. I am trying to be as positive as possible for every reasons. I just miss ya loads maybe. Anyway, I really got no idea what am I ranting here about now. Hopefully it will be a pleasant flight for me to Sydney. Hopefully the pain will subside a little and I could get some nice rest later on. Will be back here again after 4 days. God knows what could happen right? Signing off and getting ready to board. See you guys again in Sydney.

Irony Of Being An Idiot

Today yet was the same like any other day before. The only thing is dad was around with me today. Mainly he didn't really talk much about what was going on I guess that makes everything awkward. Honestly, I didn't even try to ask how was he actually. Cause the answer was kinda clear to him. He is worried hell about everything.

I on the hand, overheard about a transfer again. Sigh. Yet again, I just really feel tired being brought here and there for all that they can do. From the inside, I am really feeling tired and all. I really wanted to tell mom and dad to stop and take a breather. I needed that space too in ways. But the thing is how could I possibly say anything when all of them in such state?

Well, I sneak out again anyway. I just needed some space to really feel normal. Maybe I am in such a hasty state, I really don't know what could I possibly do. So I went to Cineleaisure in Orchard. Bought my tickets for The Impossible and there was I putting myself in that movie that made me really cried like a baby in the end. I actually thought that The Impossible was some sorta like X-man kinda movie. Mana tau, it was a heart breaking story that how a family fighting for survival.

Irony kan? Here I am running away from the post stress from fighting for survival and here I went sitting down for that movie. So now, me feeling terrible for whata brad I was. But the thing is, I realize no matter who or  how we react to the situation, we tend to really be "ugly" whenever we are not in control of our emotions. I am not proud of what I have indulge in and yes, I do feel terribly sorry for being that immature for running away from emotions or situations that I didn't wanted to face.

Anyhow, I guess I have to face what I really have to face. I know.. The feeling feels like "What the fuck..." But it's something I can't run away from. Time to go back with the thick skin and apologize to mom and dad. I know surely they somehow will be worrying about me running away like that. Sigh.. And it sucked BIG TIME!

By the way, on my way back to the hospital on the MRT, I saw something that made me felt a lot better. Really Crack me up when I saw him in the train.

PS, I am starting to like the blogger app on the iPad! So much easier to blog anywhere anytime. Luvin' it.

Airbus To Stabilize A320, A330, A380 Production Rates This Year

Airbus COO Guenter Butschek, told ATW the A320 production rate will stay at 42 aircraft per month, which was announced in October.

“We will remain at this rate for the time being” to stabilize its supplier chain for this aircraft, Butschek said, adding that some suppliers could not speed up their production in time to meet the Airbus target.

“From 2015 we will be in the transfer process from A320ceo to A320neo.” During this time, he said Airbus will “not only build these two A320 next generation aircraft,” but will also ramp up production of its two engine options—CFM International’s LEAP-X and the PW1100G PurePower from Pratt & Whitney.

“In 2013 we will stabilize [the production], in 2014 we will optimize it, and from 2015-17 we will go into a stabilized transfer from the A320ceo to neo,” he said, adding in 2018 he expects the A320neo production process to be fully operational.

Butschek said A330 production will remain at 10 aircraft per month in this year’s first quarter. A rate increase to 11 aircraft “could be possible but so far we have not decided,” he said.

The A380 production rate of three aircraft per month will not increase in 2013 as the manufacturer deals with the wing crack issue and weak demand for very large aircraft (VLA).

“But we have enough flexibility in the A380 system and we can increase production any time if necessary,” Butschek said. By 2031, Airbus expects a worldwide demand of 1,200 or 1,300 VLA. “Around 160 A380s are still ordered. With a production rate of 30 to 35 aircraft per year for the next five years, the A380 production will be secured,” Butschek added.

Last week, Airbus announced it delivered a company record of 588 aircraft to 89 customers and exceeded its order target of 650 by winning 914 gross orders.

Jet Airways A330-300 and Qatar Airways A320 with sharklets at Airbus in Toulouse. By Kurt Hofmann

Love And The Rights To Love

Reading through some blogs tonight, I came across one of my favorite written by a sweetie pie Shin Y. I am not gonna talk about something similar but yet something related. Being a gay man and able to have the chance of living a life where gay rights is recognize is indeed a blessing for me. But sometimes, I think about some of the recent events happening in Malaysia, it kinda get me thinking again. There is a beautiful insight post by Shin Y that I urge him to really share it. Sometimes, I wonder if we just sit and see, who will be fighting for our rights?

What happen lately is the deputy education minister. Yet again provoking about the LGBT community again. What he said was "LGBT is a social illness" But I was kinda didn't bother about it as much as the previous statement made in September. But being LGBT is not a sin nor an illness.

The real illness here is misunderstanding and unsubstantiated hatred. LGBT Malaysians exist in all the various ethnic groups and social classes in this country and most of us are simply trying to make a life for ourselves just like everyone else. But hateful sentiments like Dr Puad's make things worse. But the thing to me now is I actually understood why all these would happen.

First of all, we were always living in the dark. I know some of us haven't a choice like many of us do. But those who are proud being who we are, I do feel bad now thinking that I didn't do anything to actually stand up for the rights. As for now, life in the States indeed made it much easier for us. If I am lucky enough to have a life partner in the future, I indeed would have the rights to our lives. In good or the worst. Thinking of some of the things that might happen, when we grow old, what if there is an accident, or something bad happen to our partner. I will have visitation rights. But the question links back to where my roots are. I am a regular patient to the hospital because of my condition. Lucky enough, I am still single and yet I am totally out to my parents and they are supportive of me. But how about the others who doesn't have this luxury. Does it mean we need another President Barack Obama?

These people who made all these hateful statement simply they didn't have the chance to understand, or I should say they didn't have the ability to change. We can't deny the older generations are one stubborn ones. But as time comes, all this roll back to yet another question, if they are open to accept this fact, but no one were there to educate and make them understand about how LGBT comes to existence. Like it or not, being gay isn't a choice. We understood clearly with that statement. But do they really understand?

We can't deny the unknown will brings fear. And fear leads to insanity. So I do wonder at times, who's fault it is then? Many of us were outrage by that statement. But how many of us stood up and stand for what is right for us? Sadly I know I didn't myself. Well, sometimes, it takes two to make things right. All of us wanted to be love. I know I wanted too. I know it has been years since I break the heart of someone who loves me back. I know how bad that feeling was. I know how much it hurts when you knew he move on. I know what a mess I was. But it was all worth it. Hopelessly dreaming for that beauty of what love could give. But my question now is, if we were given love but no rights to protect the ones we love. What will that life be?

No Idea At All

I have been staring at the screen for like the longest time ever. I guess one of the best thing in life is trying not to think about what we are going through. I know. It is easier said then done. Somehow when you are upon what you are going through, we tend to just get lost in the mist of it.

I finally sneak out from my ward today. Went to MBS and bought something. Something I always wanted my mom to have. I got it, I wanted to actually spend more time there but in the end, I started to feel my body isn't at it's right condition. Took the MRT back and here I am. Sitting here since 3pm. I don't actually know how is my body coping but I think I can't run from that reality any more. My left arm seems to lose a lot of it's energy some how. I feel the pain while I was moving it and all. But what else could go wrong right? I know I am so gonna get screwed by my dr tomorrow when she visits for sneaking out.

But what is going through my mind now are all the "what if" questions. I couldn't help wonder that how things would actually be. Maybe it's the meds talking but I just couldn't help how I feel about it. I will be resuming my radiotherapy in the morning. Sigh.. What a way to start my day.

I know that I am not suppose to complain about it. I should be bless with what is going through me. I know that being alive is one of the greatest blessings. But I am still human. I still feel the despair and all. I was talking to dumdum today. And he kinda ask me

Ricky, have you ever thought of just letting it go? I just don't know how would you hold that up for so long.

Honestly, I wasn't holding up too well. I have one of those days. And yes, I felt like just letting go every time I am going through all this crap. But the thing is, I really got no choice. Seeing the family and friends who were with me all this while, what choice do I actually have? There are so much emotions going through... But sometimes, it really does seems like no one would actually know that how it really felt to just holding it on.

Anyway.. the only person who knows how I feel is going through so much at the moment. Just somehow missing him a lot. Looking at the phone, and in the end, still didn't made that call or even text. Guess it is just me being me.. Really hate myself sometimes. Well, really sorry to waste most of your time reading all this kinda ranting. Just needed to let it out somehow.

Our Own Limitations

Every heart break leads to another beginning in life. I couldn't remember who told me this but I really find this true enough. Growing in the world of reality. Sometimes all these seems hard to just let us move forward. But no matter how things are, we will eventually. I have been looping this song since the past few days. And what I can say about it is that it is really something beautiful to see this part of the light. This song really reminds me of someone who is always there for me. And it is a blessing I have him in my life.

The past few days are torturing for me to be honest. But seemingly things are calming down. I find. that there are a lot of things that happen when I was away. And seriously, I just find it sad to see what had happen. Some people just don't have that kinda heart when it comes to a lot of things. Words are sharp, and there ain't respect at all towards what other are. But on the other hand, I find myself bless. Somehow, I am free from all these ties and I don't have to deal anything with anymore.

When things changes, it just made me clear to me that my up bringing. For that I am thankful to both of my parents. They did a great job. Not for all the bad things though for all I have been. Hahaha... I was actually thinking for some time. What does it makes me? But in the end, I really don't care how others may judge me or think of me. I am that person that has that kinda past. I am not proud of it but yet it is a part of me.

Honestly, I miss my besties. I haven't talk to them for a long time. (That is a long time to us). Honestly, Mr D was the only person who was with me all these while. No matter what is going on in our life, we eventually will make some time for each other. But on the other hand, that big part of me knowing three of my besties will be leaving the country early of next month. I know I will be visiting them soon enough. But still, Goodbyes aren't a thing I am gonna get use to. I always suck at it.

If everything permits, I would really wanna make it back when Rainer is leaving. The least I could is fly back the day she will be leaving in the airport. At least that goodbye is one thing I wish I could do. And I still owe her money for the ciggies! Hahaha... I know it's lame to joke about this. Somewhat, it is a goodbye that will eventually comes. Anyway, This song is really amazing. In so many ways, the lyrics were right. Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I do.

They all say it, all the ones who made it 

Want to find the money plainly 

But you're gonna have to fight 

We don't think that the things that threw us off track 

A little like a heart attack cause we didn't see the light 

I found 

In this nightmare, forgiving me was bitter 

Say you're never giving up 

Say you'll always try to be my helping hand 

Try to be the one who understands 

Even if things don't go as planned 

We're still worth it all I found 

We both know our own limitations 

That's why we're strong 

Now when we spend some time apart 

Wheeling each-other out of the dark, 

Cause we both know 

What mistake is 

Won't be scared now 

If I change the made-out yeah 

Change the made-out 

They could take us 

Why can't you see it? 

We both know our own limitations 

That's why we're strong 

Now when we spend some time apart 

Wheeling each-other out of the dark, 

Cause we both know 

A New Start?!

Guess I should just stop writing in mandarin. Been getting loads of "complaints" about it. Anyhow, on just a typical Tuesday, I lay here in NUH wondering what is my next step to be taken. Somehow those emo period kinda helped me to finish up some work. The thing now for me is where should I head to next.

Somehow many things is still unclear. But in ways, I still have to get myself going despite of being laying here all day doing nothing. But I asked myself, what are the remaining things that I should be doing? I was just talking to one of the bloggers last night. Somehow kinda made me realize what are the importance of living the passion we have. And come to a point, I realize non of my songs are actually number hits in the Billboard. Am I really that lousy I asked to Xander.

But what really was, should I be commercial? In ways, my music kinda reflect emotions of something that anyone could feel. I never write something that just because others want to listen. Maybe that is why I am still not making progress on the Billboard? But the thing that really bothers me is where should I head to? Do I wanna have hits or I shouldn't compromise with what I usually write.. and it just went blank...

Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. But for now, I guess one of the thing for me to actually do is digest all that is actually going on. Someway, I actually remembered what Mr D told me last week, no matter what it is, things will eventually pass and it will be better. For now, I guess things are actually moving forward. For the better? I am still eager to find out. But what I am trying to say is actually what makes me feel that way. I guess when we are actually low in our spirits, we tend to let the past memory floods us. Or I should say I let it flood me in many ways. But as of now, I guess those memories were actually good memories. At least I know I always learn things the hard way. hahha...

Anyhow, Marching Band Season 2013 will be starting soon. I guess I will be boring you guys loads with that real soon. And talking about that, I haven't start arranging the songs and all. But what I do anticipate is Sultanah Asma. This year is yet again their year after the amazing feat of Keat Hwa shown last year. Hints were Africa. 

I also did something really drastic last night. I kinda just bought myself a return ticket to Japan in August. Something which wasn't in plan. But yeah, the World Championship of Marching Show Band will be held in Chiba Japan. What I am really anticipating is will actually Nishihara or Aimachi be part of the show? Will I actually get the chance to see them live? But soon after I bought my flight tickets with Japan Airlines, I realize I am totally screwed. The hotels in Japan are like freaking expensive. Well, I guess time for me to start to sell my butt.  focus on my writing and start selling my songs on hand or focus on my trading. Sigh.. This is yet another lesson I learn it the hard way, buying tickets without checking everything.

Anyhow, I think things are starting to stabilize. Just wish I am actually home and on my bed writing post and just be. Still waiting for the final call from the doctors. As how the report is, I kinda give up to even wanna know. Things will turn out to be what I want it to be I guess. So, fuck it. Just missing home a lot. Hoping to leave Singapore soon.

MAS To Fly A380 KL-Paris In March

In a statement today, it said the French capital is the second European destination after London in the national flag carrier's long-haul network to be operated by the superjumbo.

"The 494-seater Airbus 380 daily services to Paris will be rolled out to replace the current 282-seat B777 operations, increasing daily seat capacity by 75 per cent effective March 1," the carrier said.

In conjunction with the A380 operations, Malaysia Airlines is offering attractive promotional fares from now until Feb 11, valid for travel from March 1 to Sept 30.

Economy class travel on the state-of-art A380 is now possible at
all-inclusive return airfares starting from RM2,899, it said, adding a 'Golden Ticket' campaign during this offer period allows economy class customers a chance to be upgraded to business class when travelling between March 1 and Sept 30.

"Winners of 'Golden Tickets' will be randomly chosen by seat number on flights between Kuala Lumpur and Paris," the carrier said.

All-inclusive promotional return fares for Business Class from Kuala Lumpur to Paris start at RM11,969, while return First Class fares start at RM31,465.

"With the A380 flying to Paris, Malaysia Airlines is proud to offer new levels of comfort, luxury and convenience to our guests,” its Senior Vice President, Sales and Distribution Duncan Bureau said.

With the A380 replacing the B777-200, Malaysia Airlines is also introducing First Class travel on this route.

Dubai Bids For 2020 World Expo

Emirates airline is putting the full force of its A380 fleet behind Dubai’s bid to land the 2020 World Expo.

The airline is attaching giant stickers to its A380 fleet, promoting the UAE’s bid to hold the event in Dubai in seven years time.

The first aircraft to be dressed with the words “Expo 2020, Dubai UAE, Candidate City” was EK 306, which left for Beijing in the early hours of Thursday morning. In the coming weeks, the airline’s entire A380 fleet – currently standing at 31 – will carry the Expo 2020 message.

World Expo, staged every five years and last held in Shanghai, attract millions of visitors. This would be the first time the event is held in the Middle East, and Emirates, one of Dubai’s great success stories, is a Premier Partner.

“The Emirates’ A380s are such a powerful symbol of progress and represent the rapid economic and infrastructural journey Dubai has undertaken,” said Tim Clark, President, Emirates Airline. “Emirates operates the largest A380 fleet in the world and with the interest generated globally by these magnificent aircraft, they will be a powerful tool to further Dubai’s bid,” added Mr Clark.

Emirates has 31 A380s and the Expo message will eventually be taken to all of its A380 destinations – currently numbering 21. Most recently, A380 services have been launched to Singapore and Moscow.

The aircraft, known for its quietness, has changed the face of commercial flying. With more generous seats in Economy Class, industry leading mini-pods in Business Class and First Class Private Suites, along with Onboard Shower Spas and an Onboard Lounge, the A380 has generated fans across the world. Should the UAE secure World Expo 2020, the A380 will play major role in bringing visitors to Dubai.

Dubai is competing against four other candidate cities including Ayutthaya in Thailand, Ekaterinburg in Russia, Izmir in Turkey and Sao Paulo, Brazil.

The winning city will be announced in November 2013 following a vote by the 161 member nations of the Paris-based Bureau International des Expositions (BIE).

原点，等你

人，总归是要找一个遮风避雨之所，可以是家，可以是一个人，也可以是天堂。
世间有一种最美丽的别离，叫做错过。

彼此总是擦身而过，总是一个人向左走，一个人向右走， 当相遇时，你我却早已各为人夫。迟迟早早，总是错过。人生必须要带有一定的生离死别才算圆满吗？

如果是这样，我情愿化作一朵流云，与大地不再牵连，虽然生生永不能相依，却多了一份哀愁的相思与温柔的离殇。

人生的错过。

这迟来的邂逅，刺心锥骨的希望，这种相遇是太好还是太坏？茫茫人海中相遇，不得不让人惊喜，而在惊喜之余，心头却有寥寥刺痛。
有些人啊，去了就去了，真的不必再为之伤感，既然已是如此，何苦为难自己。

这一生，如若真的有那么一两份感情在失去后，才发现珍贵。

不怨谁，只怨年少的浮躁与多情，宿命往往都是得到的会失去，失去的很难再复归，成为永恒。或许会喟叹，“到底是我们缘分太浅，无法触及彼此内心深处的世界，还是因为寂寞而错爱！” 

但也罢，不管是缘分太薄，不能缱绻一生，还是寂寞而错爱，缘分是难以强求的，羁留的爱情无法持久，爱情的探讨恐怕有时比生死还复杂。安之所素，便好！

错过，错结，错爱。我们这一生...
只是，如果你还爱着，就站在相遇的原点，等他吧。

Malaysia Airlines Officially A Oneworld Member

Award-winning national carrier Malaysia Airlines (MAS), which is set to become a full member of the oneworld(R) airline alliance, will start offering a full range of oneworld services and benefits from February 1 this year.

The membership will strengthen MAS' competitive position and help expand its international network as it becomes the 12th member of the global alliance.

MAS passengers will gain access to the alliance's global network which covers over 850 destinations in almost 160 countries.

Current oneworld members include airberlin, American Airlines, British Airways, Cathay Pacific Airways, Finnair, Iberia, Japan Airlines, LAN Airlines, Qantas, Royal Jordanian and S7 Airlines..

Three oneworld's active members are serving three points in Malaysia. They are Cathay Pacific, Japan Airlines and Royal Jordanian, which fly to Kuala Lumpur. Cathay Pacific also operates to Penang, while its subsidiary, Dragonair, offers services to Kota Kinabalu.

As a oneworld member, MAS will offer the alliance's full range of services and benefits. Frequent flyer membership cardholders of any oneworld airline will earn mileage rewards and tier-status points when traveling with MAS. They can also redeem their mileage accrued for travel on all MAS flights. Top-tier cardholders will have access to the national carrier's lounges as well when flying MAS.

As for the members of Malaysia Airlines Enrich frequent flyer programme, their status will be automatically paired with the equivalent oneworld frequent flyer ranks.

Enrich Platinum cardholders will have Emerald status in the oneworld programme, while Enrich Gold will be equivalent to oneworld Sapphire and Enrich Silver will be oneworld Ruby.

Enrich Platinum and Gold members, along with MAS business- and first-class passengers, will also gain access to 550 airport lounges worldwide offered by oneworld members.

However, frequent flyer services and benefits between MAS and LAN Airlines will only be available from April 1 due to an upgrade to the South American carrier's frequent flyer information technology system being implemented shortly after MAS joins oneworld.

Members of MAS' Enrich programme will be able to earn or redeem frequent-flyer reward points and receive other oneworld frequent-flyer services and benefits when flying on LAN Airlines, and, likewise, LAN's LANPASS programme members will be able to earn or redeem frequent-flyer reward points and receive other oneworld benefits when flying on MAS from then on.

In addition, MAS is already participating in Global Explorer, the round-the-world fare offered by all oneworld members and various airlines that are not part of the alliance.

From February 1 this year, MAS' network, which serves over 60 destinations in nearly 30 countries, will be covered by oneworld's full and extensive range of alliance fares and sales products.

MAS will substantially expand the alliance's network in Southeast Asia, where it will add 14 new destinations and Brunei to the oneworld map.

More significantly, it will strengthen the alliance's connectivity between many key business cities in Asia and other parts of the world.

The new addition will strengthen oneworld's network of some 850 destinations in 160 countries, with some 9,000 departures a day operated by a combined fleet of some 2,500 aircraft, carrying nearly 340 million passengers a year and with annual revenues of US$110 billion.

By adding oneworld's other members-elect - Qatar Airways and Sri Lankan Airlines, the alliance network will reach 856 destinations in 159 countries.

MAS was awarded the "five-star airline" status last year by Skytrax, UK. It also won Skytrax's award for the "World's Best Cabin Crew" for the seventh time in eleven years and the "Best Airline Signature Dish" award for the satays it serves on board.

Korean Air A380 Expands To JFK & LAX

Korean Air is expanding A380 service to Los Angeles and New York and that is good news for those of you seeking to fly on an award in Korean Air’s Business Class. I flew Korean Air last year in Business Class and really enjoyed the service, but I haven’t yet had the opportunity to fly on their A380 yet, so this is welcome news. 

Expanded Service

The expanded service starts on September 1, 2013 for flights to and from New York and on October 30, 2013 for flights to and from Los Angeles. The flights go from 3 times a week to daily flights.

You can search for Korean Air’s award availability on Delta’s website, Expert Flyer, or by signing up for a Korean Air SKYPASS account.

It’s important to note when booking your Korean Air trip that they have the following blackout dates for 2013.

• Feb 7, 2013 through Feb 12, 2013
• Mar 1, 2013 through Mar 3, 2013
• May 17, 2013 through Jun 30, 2013
• Jul 19, 2013 through Aug 25, 2013
• Sep 14, 2013 through Sep 23, 2013
• Oct 3, 2013
• Oct 5, 2013 through Oct 6, 2013
• Dec 7, 2013 through Dec 31, 2013

Bottom Line

If you wanted to fly Korean Air’s A380 on a Business Class award ticket, these new routes will certainly help.

If you are looking for a Korean Air award ticket, consider the Chase Ultimate Rewards program which can transfer directly to Korean Air’s SKYPASS program. The Chase Ink Plus Business Card offers 50,000 bonus points after $5,000 spend within 3 months, the Chase Ink Bold Business Card offers 50,000 bonus points after $5,000 spend within 3 months, or the Chase Sapphire Preferred Card which offers 40,000 bonus points after you spend $3,000 in the first 3 months.

Emirates To Operate Special A380 Flight To Mauritius

Emirates, one of the world’s fastest growing airlines, will showcase one of its fleet of 31 Airbus A380s during celebrations which will be held to mark the 45th anniversary of the independence of the Republic of Mauritius in March. This is the first commercial A380 flight that will have landed on the island.

Emirates has been flying to Mauritius since 2002 and usually operates the route using a Boeing 777-300 aircraft. In December 2012 the airline increased its timetable to Mauritius from 12 flights a week to a double daily service in response to growing demand.

The special flight is due to touchdown on 12th March 2013 as flight number EK 701 at 09.40. In addition to customers, it will also carry a specially invited group of VIP and media guests who will experience Emirates’ unique A380 inflight product and service to the island for the first time. Later that evening the return flight will depart at 23.20 as flight EK702.

“The A380 is the flag-ship of the Emirates fleet. We felt that by arranging this special flight it was a fitting way to support the official celebrations of the island’s independence,” said Ahmed Khoory, Senior Vice President Commercial, West Asia and Indian Ocean, Emirates.” “Emirates believes in connecting people and so on this special day for the Mauritian people, it is pleasing to be able to bring even more visitors to the island.”

Emirates is the largest operator of the A380 with 31 aircraft in its fleet and 59 on order. In January 2013 it opened the world’s only dedicated and purpose-built A380 concourse at Dubai International Airport. With 528,000 m2 spread across eleven floors and the capacity to handle 15 million passengers a year, the concourse offers Emirates customers a seamless and unrivalled experience in terms of comfort, convenience and choice of facilities. Part of the airport’s Terminal 3 complex, Concourse A will become the “home of the Emirates A380”, from where passengers will be able connect to more than 20 Emirates A380 destinations around the world.

回眸時的悲傷

眼前剝落的，不是石灰，也不是風化的水泥，

是悲傷是回眸時，久久凝望，鬱滯在前方的悲傷
碗裏盛裝的，不是中藥，也不是一杯五元的涼茶，

是人生是迷惘時，心中潮湧，和血匯成一體的人生
我，依然活在過往，亦如太陽每天東起西落
我，依然活在這裡，亦如心臟時時刻刻噗噗跳著
只是我，無法告別，眼眶裏抹不去的背影；無法放下，和人生做一個決絕
我，依然堅強著，只是裝得太累
只是我，心裏還有夢，關於家，暖暖的
不曾離去

除了接受，還是接受

每日忙若夏蟬發聲
吱吱喳喳
除了聒噪 還是聒噪

每日倦得不想動彈
身疲心累
除了接受 還是接受

想帶著嘈雜的心
遠離塵囂
也想帶著疲憊的心
流浪天涯

我 好累
只想穩穩坐著
日觀雲捲雲舒
夜聽潺水音籟

我 好累
只想合上雙眼
世界在黑暗中下沉
生命在靜謐中殞落

最終 我發現
除了想 除了帶
我 什麼都做不了 什麼都無能為力
只能雙眸盈眶
除了接受 便是接受

十八号的天空

很多人不明白。我...可以，也想像别人一样放开去快快乐乐地过完每一天。当然，我现在也过得很随意，只是这和真的快乐差得很远

窗外阴霾的天气，世界仿佛站在死亡的悬崖。我喜欢这样的天气，可以躲在屋子里，开着台灯，在温暖的灯光下做一些与现实偏差的梦。美丽的梦与美丽的诗一样，都是可遇不可求的。

一个人久了，才发现家人的重要性，并不是说在这之前我不爱他们。我爱着他们，深深的爱。不过是此刻比以往更加强烈了。一个人的生活，多了一份孤独，少了一份热闹，却添了几分“若荷依水”的清静，多了一段岁月静好的安详与简单。

我们不应过分沉溺于现代生活，在这个过度复杂的时代，求得平衡，发现中道，最重要的是要让我们的生活变得简单，简化我们的生活。

喜欢在阒无人声的夜晚，在温柔的灯光下，呷一口清香的淡茶，随着轻缓的音乐独坐在窗旁抄写佛经， 这个月几乎每晚都会抄经，学会了用抄写佛经压制内心的蠢蠢欲动，平复内心的狂躁。我爱上了这种简单的幸福。

世间的男欢女爱，你依我侬，就和美丽的梦一样，看看就好。我写不出清婉的文字，更不会用动人的语句表达爱情的伟大。我只是知道最幸福的爱情大都简单，如诗经中读到那句“生死契阔，与子成说，执子之手，与子偕老。

到底爱情的本初，是怎样一种颜色？是否和亲情，母爱一样单纯，无杂质？ 在我们这个时代，在爱情所有初遇的时间里，爱情总是带着优美的面具，被装扮成最令人向往的圣物，所有人为其沉醉。可一旦褪去了一切熠熠光辉，爱情就会露出“金钱、外貌、自私、贪婪”的面目。

到底是社会改变了爱情， 还是我们改变了社会？

似水流年，匆匆一瞥

坐在窗前，窗外吹进来的风很大。一边听着从音箱流淌而出的，一边托着腮发呆。

再过几天，就要开始新的生活。这个“新”到底蕴含多少层意思。我，不知道，只能是听天由命。路，终究是要去走的，除非你长了一双翅膀。思绪很混乱，如一堆打结的麻绳，无论费多大气力去理清，结果仍是愈来愈乱。

起风的夜晚，总是把人勾回过去，浮现在眼前那些已逝的东西。包括人。

如果人可以像机器那样重修升级，我想在我的维修清单里这样写：

把伤感统统去掉，换上没心没肺；

把复杂、悲伤、抑郁全部清理，剩下简单即可；

添加失忆、快乐、若荷依水等功能；

把过敏、体弱加强升级。修复失眠、烦恼...等。

我一直都在混乱中生活，如一堆打结的麻绳，无论费多大气力去理清，结果仍是愈来愈乱。

头脑清醒，便已难得。我渴望清醒，清醒地告诉自己——前路遥遥，人生这趟一去不返的列车终究能否到达最后的终点，仍未可知。

我大概便从未清醒的。嗟叹孤影自许，却总有一二人陪着；唏嘘韶光易逝，却不知每时每刻都在迈向死亡。我该知足，是的！我该知足。自足常乐，就如我常说的，你若问我什么是幸福？我会告诉你：“每天看见母亲的笑容，每天看见初升的太阳。”一路洒泪，一路歌吟，我走过了许许多多陌生人的门前，踏过不相识的台阶，我应该明白——月有阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离。我没有太多的朋友，但应该清醒地告诉自己，那些一同经过的人，让我在自己这岁月的小小天井里，默默看着他们的光亮在黑暗中迸发的光，指引着我一路前行。

我，真的，不想如此伤感！


我希求我能快乐地投入一份感情，在其中获取自信的源泉。然而，在现实与想象那狭小的缝隙中，我大口喘气，窒息一波一波盖过孱弱的呼吸；我想努力地去爱一个人，对他好，照顾他，彼此取暖。然而，我却一次又一次被现实击倒，在地上匍匐挣扎时才看清眼前一切的真实可触，不是曾有的想象与幻境。

“我真应该在促狭的小小天井中孑身一人？”

我读张爱玲，我哭；我读三毛，我哭；我读杜拉斯，我哭。我不知道，我该如何安抚我的情绪。我不应该对“抑郁”心存悲悯，早应在它诞下之时，便把它扼杀在襁褓之中。我到底是自作孽，自受罪。

我多想，让我心爱的人。懂得我心思纯净，让他看见，我多么地在意，我们小小脆弱的感情。

明了，明了。可是，我不够强大，吞咽不了如此剧痛，咀嚼不了如此伤怀。我只想，在我嘘唏时有人在我后背轻轻抚拍。谁或者谁，在多远的地方，如我般坐着，也铺开宣纸，用墨在上留下片字耳语，蕴开层层惦念。

打开某篇日志，看着某月某日自己给自己写下的一句——不坚强，软弱给谁看？

你，能看到，我今日留下的字吗？若无，没有关系。因为：

“不一定非要一起走到最后。某一段路上对方给自己带来的郎朗笑声，那就足够了！”

这是今晚，我最美丽的期许和抚慰。

Airbus Beats Order Target & Sets New Delivery Records

Airbus delivered a company record of 588 aircraft to 89 customers (17 new) and exceeded its order target of 650 by winning 914 gross orders. These orders include 305 CEO, 478 NEO, 82 A330/A340s, 40 A350 XWB and nine A380s. Airbus’ backlog sets a new industry-wide record of 4,682 aircraft valued at over US$638 billion.

Deliveries were 10 per cent higher than the 2011 record (534) and 2012 was the 11th year in a row of increased production. In single aisles, Airbus set a new record of 455 deliveries (421 in 2011). Widebody deliveries reached a record 103 aircraft (87 in 2011), underlining the success of the A330 Family which is being produced at the highest monthly production rates ever (9.5 in 2012 rising to 10 in Spring 2013). The A380 delivery target of 30 was achieved setting a new company record for the type (26 in 2011).

Airbus’ share of total aircraft sales by value (above 100 seats) in 2012, is 41 per cent gross (41.5 per cent net). Net orders reached 833 aircraft worth US$96 billion. These include 739 A320 Family aircraft taking Airbus past the 9,000th single aisle order. Of these, 478 are NEO, confirming its over 62 per cent market dominance since launch. In the widebody market, 58 A330s and 27 A350 XWB were ordered. The A350-1000 won major endorsements from leading airlines through significant upsizing orders. In the very large aircraft segment, Airbus won nine out of 10 orders demonstrating the market’s preference for the A380.

In 2012, the A350 XWB progressed well. The final assembly line became fully operational, the structural assembly of the first A350 XWB that will fly was completed and “electrical power on” of the aircraft was accomplished.

Airbus Military had a successful year delivering 29 aircraft (20 light and medium military transport, four P-3 conversions, and five A330 MRTTs). The order target was exceeded despite difficult global conditions, reaching 32 (28 C295 and four CN235). Additionally, the A330 MRTT was selected as the preferred bidder by the Indian Government.

The A400M progressed well with the completion of 300 hours of Function and Reliability testing leading towards civil and military certification in Q1 2013 and first delivery in Q2 2013, with a total of four deliveries by the end of the year. Currently four A400Ms are in final assembly with a further 13 in production. The military backlog stands at 220 aircraft (174 A400M, 17 MRTT, five CN235, and 20 C295 and four P-3).

Airbus recruited 5,000 employees in 2012 increasing the global employee figure to 59,000 and targets recruiting some 3,000 in 2013 to support all programme developments.

"Looking back over 2012, we can proudly say it was a fantastic year. We delivered a record number of aircraft which highlights our increasing efficiency, and the market again demonstrated its confidence in all our products. In 2012, we delivered the first Sharklet aircraft, and with a commanding lead in the single aisle market, the dividends from our strategic decision to invest in the kind of innovation which generates value for our customers, is paying off,” said Fabrice Bregier, Airbus President and CEO. “We are keeping our production rates at a manageable pace, which is good for our supply chain, and bodes well for our long term profitability and bright future.”

Dangerous Dreamland

From time to time, everyone of us tend to live in a sorta fantasy world. I know at least I do. Guess with what is going on with my body, I find peace when I am asleep and in my own dream world. But it has come to the attention that it might be a little dangerous for me stated by my doctor.

When I am in pain these few days, I have been given morphine shots. I am not saying that is a good thing. But the least, I am free from worldly pain. When I am awake, I started to request for sleeping pills. I didn't realize this myself at first till my doctor came to me and tell me this.

I didn't tell him why actually. But I know myself, being asleep and being able to dream, is one of those peace I was longing for. I guess it is just one of my days. Constant pain attacks. Being in the ward than in my own bed, and having meds as my staple meal. But when I am asleep. I could really live that life that I could. Not being able to be afraid if I don't have my meds with me, not being able to cope with the pain if I am out in the public. Eat what so ever I wanted. Drink whatever I could. And the part of not being alone.

I am not saying that I am alone of I feel that all the time. But at points to points, I have to be alone. Part of being treated, I wouldn't have visitors. Mostly is to prevent from infection. And also it is partly me for not wanting to face reality. I know that reality sucks and there isn't anything I could change about it. But then, when I started to sleep and when I was in my dream, it was vivid. It was surreal. It was the only place that I find no fear, no pain, and no anxiety.

But yet, In ways, I think I am a little over indulging. But how could I give in the chance to find what I am looking for. Am I being obsessed? I think so. But could this just go on for a little longer? I don't know. Maybe it is time to be back in reality. 

Korean Air Expands Fleet, Adds A380 Frequencies

Korean Air said it will introduce nine additional next-generation aircraft to its fleet this year. The aircraft will comprise two Airbus A380s, one A330-200, two Boeing 777-300ERs, two 737-900ERs, one 747-8F and one 777F.

Korean Air will take delivery of two A380s in July and October, bringing the number of aircraft to seven out of an order for 10 of the type. The A380s will be mostly used on long-haul flights, including New York and Los Angeles, California.

This month, the airline has doubled the A380 frequency between Incheon and New York from seven to 14X a week. It has increased A380 service between Incheon and Los Angeles from seven to 12X weekly.

On Feb. 1, the carrier will resume the A380 Incheon-Frankfurt service and will begin its A380 Incheon-Atlanta service in August.

Korean Air introduced 30 aircraft during 2011 and 2012; 16 in 2011 and 14 last year. The carrier plans to take delivery of 53 aircraft—including five 747-8Is, 10 787-9s and10 Bombardier CS300s—by 2018. It has 148 aircraft in its fleet and plans to have 200 by 2019.