A Thousand More

Every time when I start the journey back to the states, every single time I am filled with all this rush of emotions. Somehow it is a good thing for me, as I needed every ounce of it to keep my music alive. But I do needed an outlet to just balance things up. For everything that is worth, I didn't feel so much of being alone anymore.

I have 3 more hours before I land in New York, JFK. Ideas of what is going on with me kept repeating. Honestly, I don't really know and I acted upon what I am feeling at that moment. There are so many things going on right now, there are some I could share, there are some I couldn't. I can't help to feel how I felt. Even to Zombie or even Leo, I wanted to spill it all out, but at that moment, I choked. And it just went on and on. 

I know life has it's on way to unveil everything, and I am not complaining.  But the question is how do you deal with it when you can't help feeling the helplessness in you? I sometimes feel I am gonna explode. Everything is just building on and on and I don't have anymore space to breath. Some may say sharing could help, but will it solve everything? What will you actually do when you are trying to help but in the end you got hurt badly in the process? 

Even Dumdum couldn't possibly do anything to make it right. We are in a weird place right now. We know that nothing could come out from this, but why we give in to what we feel? Is it right to? Will it do any good to us? Will it bring false hope? A hope that we could only possibly dream of? I am really overwhelmed right now that I couldn't decide on what is right or what isn't. 

If only I could loudly say it was in the name of love. But will there be a happy ending for us? I am not comparing on the circumstances like what other normal couples are. But on the fact that what we are and how will we able to move past this. Will our career be worth it to just let it go? Will our health permits us to move forward? Will there be even a safe heaven for us? 

I just wish there will be a thousand more. If only we could stripped away all the burdens we carry and for once, be just a regular lover like everyone else. No more judgement, no more walls that refrain us from spreading our wings. Just you and me. If only there is....