Anxious

A moment there I was thinking about how things could go from here. For the past few days here. I was nothing but happy to be with you guys who flew half way from the other side of the world to be with me. Not a single minute I could ever think of me being sick. But somehow the time would eventually come.

I knew one thing for sure, I was thinking of you at this point. And surprisingly you were still awake at this hour. Even we are now thousand miles away, but I knew that memory that pops up this minute meant something for me.

Without a doubt, the fear lingers on with me. I am playing a song we both adored, and lying here letting myself soaring free from all emotions that surfaced. A thought that I must get well was taken off from my mind. A world free from all expectations and all reasons others put on. Tapping within myself and I was asking is there a chance I may change my mind? For now, it doesn't matter at all. I know I am free.

I don't need to be dying to catch my breath any more. It puts me in to that realm I felt surreal and free. Closing the doors of letting go, I found my heart beat beating steadily and it was firm. Tearing down all the make up. Tried many times but nothing was real till now. I wanna believe nothing is real but all I need is really your memory that lingers through my body. My heart was at a better place. The only medicine is just right in front of me.

Should I pick it all up or should I just go home? Overlooking the beautiful skyline from Kowloon, holding you guys with me, it brings even a stronger strength to face all this coming hurdle just lies right in front of me. At some point, I wasn't afraid any more. Like what DumDum said to me,

Ricky, it is all in the mind. You just gotta let go sometimes. And let your heart talks to you.

I realize this is something I shut down for some time now. Whatever the reason was isn't important but yeah, I did sealed that part up for sure. I knew if it isn't so, doing this ain't gonna be easy for me. But letting all go tonight is the only way to feel connected. I felt alive and all I could do now is just let it flow. Let it to overpower me. I need that so the next step would be easier for me to take.