3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today, it was the first time we were more than just best friends. Ever since February 14th 2012, it was never a dull moment with you in my life.



Looking back to every moment we had, I wouldn’t wanna change a moment of it. There’s the good times, and there are the tough ones too. We ain’t perfect and we still managed. It has been a good 3 years. We had our laughters, we had hurt. We forgive and we heal.



Chasing after perfect is a dream. I used to have this fantasy. Reminiscing the times when we smile, and thinking how perfect we are. But this is in fact a fantasy. We worked hard to make things right, we stay grounded and honest, and it’s just a part of life that we have to accept shit does happen all the time. And the one thing that made me smile is after all those shit and crappy things, we are still holding on to each other and moving forward.



I know I’m the cheesy one and always wanted to make you smile in the oddest way I can find, and you are that traditional minded but actions are totally westernised. Or somewhere in between. On the beautiful part of it is, being patient with me when I’m crazy, and accepting all the flaws. I finally able to see the person I’ve become and proud of what I’m capable to do. My strength turns into weakness but the vulnerability makes me strong enough to do this. So, thank you bae. There is no words or anything I can do to show you how much I’ve appreciate what we have.



#3 and many more to come. I hope the future we once talked about, will turn into our reality.

I’ve Finally Made It

I think there is a point when you come to accept that you are good enough. It’s isn’t about being arrogant or the ego you have it in you, but more of the acceptance that you are with the other cherries on top of the cream.


Writing music is always a part of me that I couldn’t have any doubt in. I remember years ago, my songs would never ever made it to a singles list. But standing today, seeing the numbers on Apple Music, iTunes Charts, and even on YouTube play counts, I feel that I have achieved what I always wanted. I remembered at one point of my life, I was thinking that if I should move to a more commercial path or stick to what is true about every emotions or life has to offer. I’m glad that I didn’t stray.


Along this journey, I feel that I’m blessed. Every pain and every hurt made me who I am. I feel freedom where I stand now, and I feel proud from who I am now. I learned a lot along the way, I love the man that I became. A new journey is along the way, and I know with you along with me, we could see the bad and tough things in life turns into a beautiful journey.


Now I stand tall. Feeling like myself again and no worries at all. Breathe, No one can stop me from living this moment for me. Thank you.

Hello & Goodbye

"Keep me close, hold me tight, as the days go by."

It's been a long while since I last wrote anything. For any reasons there are, it's just keep evolving. All I'm doing is just adapting.

For a certain time in the past, all I did was fighting cancer. For the longest time, I kept on fighting and I have some how forgotten what life has left for me. It's been a while now ever since I'm free from it. So the question now is - what's next?

Honestly, I have no idea at all where I am heading. I kept telling myself that I know where I wanna be or what I wanna do with my life now. I've been living with it for so long, and now it's gone. I really don't know what I am without it. I'm thankful the suffering has ended. But now I realise when I was fighting it, I somehow let it in and partly define the person I was. Or should I say define the person that I am.

My life now is far from perfect but I am thankful for everything I have. A very supportive family, a lover who loves me, and my in laws are quite awesome in ways I would ever wish for. But to a certain extend, I am missing a big part of me. I need to find the refuge in all these good. I never asked myself before what will I do after the storm. And I've been just living by life ever since I'm free. I need to learn how to lose 'you'.

The hollow somehow made me bother less. It isn't necessary a bad thing. Things that you could easily avoid and pushing those you know isn't good for you in your life. It use to irks me very much when someone uses the cancer card to get attention, and yet saying things like I'm saying this not wanting your pity. The old me would have lashed out. But I didn't bother at all. And when the person used terms like blood cancer or bone tumour, all that gone through cancer will just smile and walk away. There is no point to even initiate a conversation. It's just attention the person wants. One thing the journey taught me one thing. The very humbling sensation we call pain. Emotionally and physically. That pain is yours. At a point you accept that those pain are for you, a part of you, and it's your own forever. You will find that peace in it. You will want someone who understand that weight and carry it with you, but it isn't the case at all. It's just too personal to even talk about it. It just becomes a part of you.

Yes I'm disgusted by the actions of these people. It's not just a disgrace but also an insult. If any one had walk in an oncology ward, you'll understand why. But, as time go by, I just didn't bother at all. All I'm feeling is just a missing part of me that I'm happy that it's gone, and yet I'm missing that part all together.

All I can now is follow the wonder in my heart and let the world and love heal the broken parts. Drink up the sun and breathe in the air. Carry hotel e every where I am. Life is just right before our eyes. We say hello, and we say goodbye. But we will always be together. It all happened so fast. Let's make this moment last for you, for me, forever.

A Painting

I wanted to show you all a painting. Tell you what life is about, because I was thinking it might make us all feel a little better.

I painted this because I felt like the play was about life, and life is full of color, and we each get to come along and we add our own color to the painting. And even though it’s not very big, the painting, we still have to figure it goes on forever, you know, in each direction, so like to infinity, because that’s kind of like life.

It’s really crazy if you think about it, isn’t it? That 100 years ago some guy that I never met came to this country with a suitcase. He has a son, who has a son, who has me. So at first when I was painting, I was thinking maybe up here, that was that guy’s part of the painting, and then down here that’s my part of the painting. And then I started to think, what if we’re all in the painting everywhere? What if we’re in the painting before we’re born? What if we’re in the painting after we die? And these colors that we keep adding, what if they keep getting added on top of one another until eventually we’re not even different colors anymore, we’re just one thing? One painting.

And my dad is not with us anymore, he’s not alive. But he’s with us. He’s with me every day. It all just sort of fits somehow, even if you don’t understand how yet. People will die in our lives, people that we love, in the future, maybe tomorrow, maybe years from now. It’s kind of beautiful if you think about it, the fact that just because someone dies, just because you can’t see them or talk to them anymore, it doesn’t mean they’re not still in the painting.

I think maybe that’s the point of the whole thing. There’s no dying. There’s no you, or me, or them...it’s just us. And this sloppy, wild, colorful, magical thing that has no beginning, no end...that’s right here. I think it’s us.

From This Is Us.