Questions

What would you do when there are too many questions?

What would you do when you starting to have doubts?

What would you be when there are too many things which you can't get answers?

What would you let yourself be when there aren't any options left?

What will you do when you have no where else to go to?

What will you feel when you have everything to lose?

What will you be when all is lost?

What will you do when you are just lost?

Void

When you score a draft, then you kept it. After a few years, you brought it up, produced it to a track. Every moment in the past is like writing it down in a journal. I remember all the things I thought I wanted it to be. My heart just came to life. Every story has it's thoughts. 

Come whatever, I will be the shelter when the rain comes. The pain cuts you deep, but is there a way out? Every single note you score it just doesn't seems like the note it was suppose to be. You are in need of a remedy. I am in need of that remedy to fill up the void. 

Sometimes, pain in life is something I cherish. It makes me into who I am today. For some reason, it just pushed away so many things that doesn't matter. The more we try to pleased the world, the more I felt I'm being cornered. I need a keeper. I need a guard. I don't need pretense, I don't need guilt. I just need a way to fill up the void.

Sometimes I feel lonely with the arms of your touch. But I know it was just me letting myself to go places I shouldn't. It ease in the veins, or just call it "a need for my job". The more reasons I look for, the more effective it helps me in my work. But when it is all done and over, the void flows in and I felt I am missing a part of me. I'm being cruel to be kind. I needed the space between me and myself. I do not wanna carry on acting to be fine. I just can't face that void growing inside. 

It is the world to me that you are in my life. But I need to survive. To earn my strips, I have to pay to bear my pain. I know I'm not the only one who regrets with what we've done. I miss the air of the rain, that scent is just calming. Sometimes I just thought it's only me, who just didn't become the person who I thought I would've become. 

A Prayer

I'm not sure how I can sleep tonight after seeing images like this. How do I go about my "normal" life while so much of the world is in pain? These aren't just children in some war-stricken country... These are OUR children. 

I just spent the last hour watching television and live-tweeting from the safety of my warm and comfortable home, while my family next to me. Now I will get to go sleep in my soft bed while these innocent children, who did nothing wrong, are forced to flee their homeland after so much unimaginable pain and loss. Something feels so off. 

Why do some of us have privilege? 

What makes us special? 

What does "us" even mean? 

There is no us and them...there is just WE. And not until WE start to see the pain being inflicted on these children all over the world as OUR OWN pain will anything start to change. It's all fine and dandy to have success, to have money, fame and a beautiful life... 

There is nothing wrong with it and if you have it there is no need to feel guilty. But we can't forget that with success comes responsibility. A responsibility to actually DO something with it, to stop this seemingly endless cycle of hate, war and even more hate. To find solutions instead of dwelling in the drama of media, negativity, and trending hashtags that without sincerity and action don't change anything. 

There are blessings in every trial, every tribulation and every calamity even when it seems impossible to find. We must find the good, the hope, and the love in the rubble of the destruction we are ALL responsible for. We are one family. We are the leaves of one tree. The drops of one ocean.

Today, with a heavy heart I pray for all of humanity, even the terrorists. And for those of us who have been given privilege and open enough eyes to recognize we have it...

I ask you all to start looking for ways to do some good with what you/we have worked so hard for and been given. Because at the end of your life, the good you choose to do on this planet will more than likely be the only thing you can take with you. 

       

365 Days & Closing Chapter One

It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person
And makes you believe it's all true..

- Sara Bareilles

End of a Chapter 1 - Part 009 : Nov 10th 2015



It's not simple to say, most days I don't recognize myself. It is also not easy to know I am not anything like I used to be. For every reason, I can't believe we are closing chapter one.

The imperfection and the uncommonly interest we had, it is not easy to believe things would actually work out. Now, I've got you and you are not what I've asked for. Bringing back to 365 days of memories we have forged, it's all seems too fast. The good and the bad, we managed to come to a close for this chapter.

Life is always messy, and life has been kind. We are human, and we are bound with our sins. For one reason that I could pull it through is because you have been my anchor. You are mine....

The things we have lost, the things we have made, and the things to come. It is a beautiful disaster. Do I wanna rewrite the ending, I guess I would be happy to just let it be. You're imperfect, but you try. You are messy but you are kind. It is as simple as I can just say that I am the happiest person alive.

It is not easy to know when the part of your dream is becoming reality. There is a thin line where I mixed up what is a fantasy and reality. What is there for me to sabotage everything I have? Where do I wanna go from here? What will the next chapter lies? For the one person who see me for who I am...


Thank you for a wonderful 365 days and I want another 365 years with you.