Losing My Grip

Love is wanting to help somebody be the best version of themselves.

- Julliet Barnes

Insecure - Part 008 : May 26th 2015

Listening to "Photograph" and looking back time. It started beautifully, and I kicked on a sharp edge and I bled. Love can heal, love can mend your soul. Certain things get easier, certain things is just trying. There are things I can't talk to anyone in my life. I didn't want anyone to see things differently. But now I think everything is just boiling up to a point I can't handle it myself. 

No one is perfect, and I am thankful for your imperfections. I no longer stand from outside the circle and I can't see everything that was going on clearly. I use to depend on what my gut tells me. But recently it was all gloom and dark. My mind is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me otherwise. I wished I wasn't observant. I wished I don't pay attention to small details. I wished I just don't feel everything that is drowning me. I wished I could forget the many other conversations we had. 

I am terrified of us, of you. It doesn't comes down to trust. I do trust you, more than you think I do. it is because I do, it scares me even more. You have my heart, you're capable of destroying me. The pace moving to a rhythm I can't keep up. I am telling myself that I am mistaken this time. Nothing I felt in my gut was right. Those were just cowards and they didn't even have the balls to write to me in their real identity. It was all just rubbish and I have nothing to be afraid of. But why this cold chill runs down in me? 

I wanted to learn, I wanted to just let it all go. I just wanted to remember the time when it was just so pure and beautiful. I am everywhere, and I don't know what to do. I just wanted to mend the broken in me, and living the now. I can't survive either way. I can't run away, I can't move. I can't breath and I don't know what I could do to overcome all these. I don't have a way to move forward.