Some songs just could easily mess you up. Some song digs in to some memories that you wouldn't wanna talk about. At some point, there are some memories that words don't reach. Even when you try to let others in, you know they would share that burden but just tearing open that scar you try to hide. There's a grace too powerful to name and we push away what we can never understand. We push away the unimaginable.
Some suffering are meant to be shared, but there are some you just couldn't possibly do anything. You just learn to live with the pain every day. You learn to pray, you learn to do things you have never done before. I know there is no replacing what we've lost. Just that the questions that kept repeating in your mind.
If I could spare his life
If I could trade his life for mine
He'd be standing here right now
For a moment there, you feel like you are standing right in the dark alone. There is suffering too terrible to name. I don't pretend to know the pain, I just bury it somewhere unreachable. All I wanna hold you and say "Don't come over." Every birthday, all I can do is remember that you wanted me to live a full life and a happy one. And pushed away all the unimaginable.
Forgiveness... Can you imagine?
I dare not even think to ask for forgiveness. Maybe there is nothing to forgive, but there is still a lot of blame in me. There is just moment that words don't reach. Look around, there are people who just can't reach out. It's just quiet...its just easer to push away the unimaginable.