Watching and waiting, telling time, telling lies, half true, whole true and nothing but truth. But does it really matter now? At least nothing I can concern. It's the feeling like, life just happening... To you. As if you are not apart of what's going on. Constantly dreaming of reality for ourselves, but what it seems like reality is more than a dream than anything. You watch yourself living, but it's like you're helpless. You can't do anything to change it.
Even knowing you are not alone, this feeling, is no consolation at all. Fact remains, it's just no good keep walking through life. But what can I do? Do I actually have that choice? For a person who is fighting on a daily basis, can I just choose to be? The idea of even have to keep up with new adaptation and all. I thought I would be alright. But am I?
As a child, I always thinks that riding at the back of a car is an emotionally driven experience. My father and I never really got along when I was younger. When he use to pick me up from somewhere and take me home, I always feel that he is taking me away from the places I usually rather be. It was as if I was force to leave something behind. A part of myself, maybe. I would spend the entire car ride home, turning around in the back seat, watching my happiness disappear into the distance.
It's all I could do from keep jumping out of the car, I could be where I've been, but at least I could turn my back to where I was headed. It was like that as long as I could remember. Until one day, my father finally said something about it. He said :
Son, moving forward isn't always leaving something behind.It's probably the most profound thing he has ever said. Only it took me this long to finally get it. It is the same "then" as it is "today". I can't turn around any more. And for the first time in my life, I finally feel I am looking at the right direction.