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Friday, August 31, 2012

Cold Desert - Kings Of Leons

I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on
that's when i know that you're alone
it's cold in the desert water never sees the ground
special ones walk on without sound

told me you love me, that i'd never die alone
hand over your heart let's go on
everyone knowed it everyone has seen the signs
i've always been known to cross lines

i never ever cried when i was feeling down
ive always been scared of the sound
jesus don't love me no-one ever carried my load
im too young to feel this old

nobody knows
nobody sees
nobody but me

Being gay isn't something that a person has a choice to be. Sometimes, the world just don't see it as how we are. But it also really how the understanding of oneself to realize the hardship that is being branded upon gay people. But this isn't a choice for us not to carried the load either. 

Listening to Kelly doing the cover of this song, I realize that how vulnerable life could be. Or it is just Kelly doing her thing. She is amazing by telling a story with her voice. I haven't had to ask her yet that what is going on in her mind while she was singing this song. 

To many she is just this bubbly beautiful women who looks at life at her own way. But she is one person who  never really tell anything to anyone even she is in pain. But somehow glad that she has found the man of her life. Glad to see someone who is able to put that big smile on her face. Back to the topic.

Somehow, I bet every gay men and women out there surely think that how could we be easily being accepted by the society? By education? By norm? How is the question that lingers on. Sometimes, I feel what the lyrics says is really beautiful. Especially this.

No one to carry my load, I am too young to feel this old. Nobody knows, nobody sees, nobody but me.
Listening her doing this cover really brings tears in my eyes. A really beautiful song, a beautiful life, a beautiful soul.

Assembly Line In China Completes The 100th A320 Family Aircraft

Visiting German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao today presided over a grand gathering of some 1,000 people in Tianjin to celebrate the completion of the 100th A320 Family aircraft assembled at the Airbus A320 Family Final Assembly Line China (FALC), which is a joint venture between Airbus and its Chinese partners. Among the participants attending the celebration were government officials from China and Europe, representatives of Airbus and its Chinese partners and customers as well as employees of the Airbus Tianjin Final Assembly Line and Airbus Tianjin Delivery Centre, a subsidiary of Airbus in Tianjin.

One day before the celebration, a framework agreement was signed by Airbus, Tianjin Free Trade Zone (TJFTZ) and the Aviation Industry Corporation of China (AVIC), the two parties of the Chinese consortium that hold a 49% stake in the FALC joint venture, concerning the shared intention to continue the cooperation on the project beyond the current business plan, which is due to expire in 2016. The agreement was signed at the Great Hall of the People in Beijing as a part of a series of Europe-China agreements in the presence of the German Chancellor and Chinese Premier.

“The completion of the 100th A320 Family aircraft by the Airbus Tianjin final assembly line represents a significant milestone for the cooperation between Airbus and China, as well as the Airbus strategy of internationalisation, one of the pillars of the Airbus vision for our future,” said Fabrice Brégier, Airbus President and CEO. “Having a final assembly line in Tianjin has greatly promoted the Airbus brand and image in China and brought us closer to our customers in one of the world’s most important aircraft markets. I would like to congratulate all those involved in making FALC a great success and contributing to a win-win situation for Airbus and the Chinese industry,” he added.

The FALC is the third A320 Family final assembly line in the world after the ones in Toulouse, France and Hamburg, Germany and the first Airbus aircraft final assembly line outside Europe. In July this year, Airbus has announced its decision to establish an A320 Family final assembly line in the United States.

In December 2005, Airbus and the Chinese government signed a MoU for the establishment of a single aisle final assembly line in China. In May 2007, the construction of the Tianjin assembly line started. In August 2008, the Tianjin final assembly line started operation. In June 2009, the first aircraft assembled in Tianjin was delivered to Sichuan Airlines. Since then a total of nearly 100 aircraft have already been delivered to 11 Chinese operators from Tianjin. Since the agreement for the FALC project was signed, China has placed orders for more than 550 A320 Family aircraft. In the mean time, the in-service fleet of Airbus A320 Family aircraft have expanded from some 200 to more than 700 as of end of July 2012

Airbus is the leading aircraft manufacturer with the most modern and comprehensive family of airliners on the market, ranging in capacity from 100 to more than 500 seats. Over 11,700 Airbus aircraft have been sold to more than 470 customers and operators worldwide and more than 7,300 of these have been delivered since the company first entered the market in the early seventies. Airbus is an EADS company.

National Champion 2012

Here is the video I was looking for. I tried upload a better quality one and it fails all the time. So I am just gonna post this in a lower resolution. But an awesome performance by SMJK Keat Hwa Marching Band this year! I can't wait for your production in 2014. Next year, ASMA!! Awesome.. I just can't get enough of these every year. And great job Mr Tang! You are always one of the best that we could always have. These is an article about his latest award, The Sudler Shield Award from the John Philip Sousa Foundation. I know it is in mandarin. And I am too lazy to translate it. LOL.. Sorry guys. But there is always google translate to save the day! Awesome rite? I am just trying to be a bimbo. Anyway, enjoy the video!

Brotherly Sanctuary

Honestly, having my brother around is the only thing that really make me feel home. He is like my own mirror and yet, hanging out with him is one of the reasons that keep me going. In many ways, he is like a beautiful part of my life.

He is born in 1995 and me in 1984. Yet age isn't a thing for the both of us. Mostly, I am like a younger brother to him. LOL.. Yeah, you didn't read it wrong. I love to annoy him very very much. Yet I think it is a thing that bonded us.

I don't know, somehow stupid funny things just happen to us all the time. And what my brother love to do is put them into comic. It is pure hilarious. Somehow he is just what I needed to keep on going in life. We shared a lot of things together. And my mom always says that both of us are trouble whenever we are together. You can say that again mom. hahah...

Just feeling really blessed to have him with me. Elvin, keep up the craziness! Love you loads!

Here are some of his comic works. I still laugh at them whenever I see them. It is just hilarious. And all of it are real life story!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Havoc by Alanis Morissette

This song relatively struck me right after I played it for the first time. I was checking out the great Alanis Morissette's new album Havoc & Bright Lights. It has been a while since we last hear from this great artist. 

Alanis has this edge that could push us to the cliff sometimes. But in a good way. I mean as a song writer, what you really wanted others to feel what you felt while writing that song. She conveyed the song perfectly. I guess this song struck me as there are many parts and bits we could possibly relate. From our own mistakes, to love, to celebration of life. Any aspect that we wanted to relate this song to. 

The lyrics has a grey zone in it. To shine or to despair. I don't know how could I possibly put it down in words. I know Havoc is looping on my iTunes now. Her sultry voice and the simple arrangement made the song perfect. 
Forgiveness is understanding.
This phrase hits me most. Somehow it is true about how we understand what we are going through in life. Somehow that forgiveness to one self is the affirmation in a millionth times.

The lyrics is really beautiful. The richness of emotions from her voice. Everything that leads us to feel that part of us that we are afraid to face. Having a replacement of something lost. The consequences of history repeating itself. Even so, how does regrets drives us. Under the influences of emotions and others. It is just a beautiful song.

Sinking myself into this beautiful tune. I somehow know what life could be for me. How to smile even when the sky is dark. She is really a great artist. Check out Havoc & Bright lights on iTunes. Remember, don't support piracy! For a better future  to the music industry. I am just saving my own ass with that statement. I just spoiled the moment. I know.. LOL..

Somehow, I rather sink myself into music than reading the feeds. I do not understand why others react to such negativity. Even on twitter. Like what I say earlier in the lyrics, Forgiveness is understanding. When we truly understand the situation, there will be peace. This is my way to celebrate Malaysia's Independence Day away from home. Give love when we still can. Not creating pain. Peace is what we wanted for our own country. A beautiful country that I always love. With my own way.

Just when I thought
I had handled solace
I can soften my guard behind false confidence

Just when I felt
Humbled by insipid
Except from this blind-side and from reading a script
Cause I am seduced by reaction and under the influence

I'm slipping again I'm
Up to my tricks off my wagon
I have no defense 
I'm wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

I get reduced by my own willfulness as
I reach for my usual odd replacements
Cause I wish for sanction it lacks in my steps

I'm slipping again I'm
Up to my tricks off my wagon
I have no defense 
I'm wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

Forgiveness is understanding that
Affirming a compact for the millionth time
On this tumbling house of cards of mine

I am beaten by my impulsiveness
By this uncanny foreshadowing of regret
Cause I'm repulsed by restriction at least that's my excuse

I'm slipping again I'm
Up to my tricks off my wagon
I have no defense I'm
Wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

Malaysia Airlines To Introduce The Airbus A380 On The Beijing and Melbourne Route on March 2013

Malaysia Airlines will introduce the Airbus A380 on the Kuala Lumpur-Beijing and Kuala Lumpur - Melbourne route on March 1, 2013 according to Airline Route.
As of 24AUG12, further adjustment on Amadeus timetable listing has been made for Malaysia Airlines’Kuala Lumpur – Beijing and Kuala Lumpur - Melbourne service, from 01 MAR 2013. The airline continues to operate previously planned 14 weekly A330-300 aircraft, instead of 10 weekly A330 and 4 weekly A380.

On 20AUG12, Airline Route reported that Amadeus timetable listing is displaying 4 weekly A380 service on MH370/371. However it also stressed that such changes did not reflect in the airline’s internal system. As always Airline Route will provide follow-up update if there are any further changes.


MH370 KUL0050 – 0630PEK 333 x457
MH392 KUL0925 – 1505PEK 333 457
MH360 KUL1840 – 0020+1PEK 333 D

MH361 PEK0130 – 0800KUL 333 D
MH371 PEK0855 – 1525KUL 333 x457
MH393 PEK1610 – 2240KUL 333 457

MH370/371 and MH392/393 operates with 777-200ER until 28FEB13.
Note in OAG Schedules iNet, the database also shows A380 operating MH370/371 from 01MAR13.

Malaysia Airlines starting 01MAR13 is launching Airbus A380 service on Kuala Lumpur – Melbourneroute, where MH129/128 will be operated by Airbus A380 instead of A330-300 aircraft. Melbourne is MH’s 4th destination operated by the Super Jumbo.

Reservation for A380 Melbourne flight opens today (06AUG12).


MH129 KUL1030 – 2110MEL 380 D
MH149 KUL2200 – 0755+1MEL 333 D

MH128 MEL0045 – 0545KUL 380 D
MH148 MEL1500 – 2030KUL 333 D

MH128 to be operated by A380 from 02MAR13. In 2011, Melbourne was listed as the airline’s A380 initial destinations despite being absent from the company’s brochure published in June 2012.

On the financial side, the company reported an operating loss in the second quarter. Here is the full report:

“Malaysia Airlines has announced a reduced operating loss of RM102 million for the second quarter ended 30 June 2012 compared to RM443 million in the same period last year. The significant 77% improvement in performance year-on-year (y-o-y) at the operating level was due to efforts in the pricing and revenue management area plus lower fuel costs and lower passenger-related costs in line with capacity cuts.

The operating loss for the second quarter was also lower than the operating loss of RM307 million achieved in the first quarter of 2012. For the second quarter of 2012, total revenue fell 6% to RM3.2 billion compared to RM3.4 billion in the previous year following the Route Rationalisation programme in late 2011 and early 2012 to cut several loss-making and low yielding routes.

Group expenditure reduced 13% y-o-y to RM3.4 billion. Fuel costs, which accounted for 37% of expenditure, fell 18% to RM1.3 billion following a 15% drop in consumption. The same quarter also saw a drop in jet fuel price to an average USD132 per barrel from USD140 per barrel y-o-y. Non-fuel costs dropped 10%.

Aircraft leasing costs reduced 9% due to the return of two freighter Boeing 747 aircraft. Overall maintenance costs fell by 16% whilst handling and landing costs fell some 20%. On the other hand, depreciation of aircraft increased 35% in the second quarter due to additions to the fleet with the arrival of 5 new aircraft including the first of six A380 ordered as part of its fleet renewal program.

The Group’s net loss after interest and taxes stood at RM348.7 million for the second quarter ended 30 June 2012, equivalent to a 34% improvement on the loss of RM525.8 million registered in the same period y-o-y. Included in the second quarter 2012 results was a forex loss of RM173.0 million due to the strengthening of the US Dollar against the Ringgit.

For the 6 months ended 30 June 2012, Malaysia Airlines’ net loss stood at RM520.1 million, 32% better than the previous loss of RM767.4 million for the same period in 2011.”

In other news, on August 6, Boeing and Malaysia Airlines celebrated the direct delivery of the airline’s 75th 737 aircraft during an event at Boeing Field. The airplane, a Next-Generation 737-800, arrived in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on August 8, 2012.

The airplane comes with the 787 Dreamliner-inspired Boeing Sky Interior, which features larger pivoting overhead stowage bins, larger window reveals and LED lighting to enhance the sense of spaciousness. Malaysia Airlines was the Asia launch customer for the Boeing Sky Interior in October 2010.

Malaysia Airlines took delivery of its first 737 in 1972 and has operated the 737-200, 737-300, 737-400, 737-500 and 737-800.

Boeing : Air India resolve Delivery Spat Over Delayed 787s

It’s not a completely done deal, but the likelihood of Boeing South Carolina delivering its first 787 Dreamliner to Air India this month increased substantially Wednesday.

That’s because Indian Civil Aviation Minister Ajit Singh stood before microphones and cameras in New Delhi and announced that the airline had accepted Boeing’s proposed compensation for more than three years of delivery delays.

Just last week, Singh had said Air India wouldn’t take any of the 27 Dreamliners it ordered in 2005 until the compensation issue had been resolved.

“Air India board has accepted the proposal, they have talked with the management of the Boeing and they have come up with a figure, and now it will go CCEA,” Singh said, referring to the Cabinet Committee on Economic Affairs, which is expected to take up the matter as early as today.

Earlier this year, Air India reportedly was seeking $1 billion, and Boeing was reported to have offered half that sum, which Boeing Commercial Airplanes CEO Jim Albaugh emphatically denied.

Singh declined to reveal the terms of the suggested solution and spent the rest of Wednesday’s news conference addressing the monthlong pilot strike at the government-owned airline, according to a partial recording of his remarks posted by the Indian Broadcast Network.

Saj Ahmad, a consultant with StrategicAero Research in London who has been following the Air India Dreamliner saga closely, believes final approval, followed by the deliveries, is likely.

“There would have to be some very harsh or compelling reason for the CCEA to reject the compensation package now,” Ahmad wrote in an email, “although where that leaves the Air India pilots and the two unions who are at loggerheads over who should be trained up is rather more opaque.”

According to other published reports out of India, Singh also said Air India expects to finally take delivery of its first three 787 Dreamliners from Boeing this month.

Speaking from Delhi, Dinesh Keskar, Boeing’s senior vice president of sales for Asia Pacific and India, declined to comment on the compensation issue, but he confirmed that one of those three jet handovers would be the first from the North Charleston plant.

“I’m looking forward to the delivery,” he said.

That first S.C.-built Dreamliner, which was rolled out on April 27 and flew for the first time on May 23, is being painted in Fort Worth, Texas.

It must return to North Charleston for Air India’s battery of tests before delivery. Neither of those dates has been announced.

Meanwhile, Singh, a veteran politician and computer scientist, said Air India will take several steps to improve its financial position as it inducts the fuel-sipping, half-composite 787s into its fleet.

He said the airline will hire more pilots to replace the 100 it has fired, and will expand its international service, which has suffered serious disruptions as a result of the strike.

The South Asian national carrier has struggled for years with profitability and integrating its workforce after merging with Indian Airlines in 2007. It received a $5.8 billion government bailout in April, but the strike appeared to present an 11th-hour obstacle to the long-anticipated Dreamliner deliveries.

Now, it seems the pilot protest will be an internal issue for the airline, not one that derails Boeing’s deliveries.

“If, as expected, the deal is sealed by the CCEA, there will be a greater likelihood of all 27 787-8s being handed over to Air India with minimal fuss,” Ahmad of StrategicAero Research said Wednesday. “Both airline and Boeing can frankly do without the negative PR, especially Air India given the shambles they’re in.”

Third Operator For The Boeing 787 Dreamliner - Ethiopian Airlines

Aug. 14, 2012 - Boeing (NYSE: BA) and Ethiopian Airlines celebrated today the delivery of the airline's first 787 Dreamliner.

"Today begins the first day in a new era of flying for our passengers and brings us even closer to our vision for the future, Vision 2025," said Tewolde GebreMariam, CEO of Ethiopian Airlines. "We are pleased to be the first airline in the world outside Japan to receive this technologically advanced aircraft. We have been waiting for this airplane and now that we officially have it and will show it to the world, I can say with pride, it was worth the wait. This airplane is going to move Ethiopian Airlines to the forefront of aviation leadership around the globe."

The 787 Dreamliner is composed of light-weight composites and features numerous system, engine and aerodynamic advancements making it more efficient to operate compared with its competition. It is the first mid-sized airplane capable of flying long-range routes, enabling airlines to open new, non-stop routes preferred by passengers.

"Today marks not just another milestone for Boeing and Ethiopian Airlines, but a new beginning in our 65-year partnership," said Van Rex Gallard, vice president of Sales for Africa, Latin America, & Caribbean, Boeing Commercial Airplanes. "Ethiopian Airlines continues to show their strong leadership in African aviation and their growing presence around the globe. Being the first in Africa and one of the first in the world further confirms their position globally."

After taking delivery, Ethiopian will fly its Dreamliner to Washington D.C. where the aircraft will be on display and is expected to be visited by VIP guests and media.

The aircraft will then make its inaugural trip to Africa with its first revenue flight from Dulles International Airport to Bole Addis Ababa International Airport. 

Ethiopian Airways has nine more 787 Dreamliners remaining on order. The airline was the first African airline to operate the 777-200LR, the first to order the Boeing 787 Dreamliner, and the first to order the 777 Freighter. Ethiopian Airlines currently operates an all-Boeing fleet of 737, 757, 767 and 777, and now 787 airplanes in passenger service and a 757, MD11 and 747 in cargo operations.

Ethiopian Airlines lands Boeing 787-800 Dreamliner in Accra Saturday
Ethiopian Airlines’ history making aircraft the Boeing 787-800 Dreamliner will land in Accra Saturday September 1, 2012, officials of the airline company have said.

Ethiopian Airlines is making history in the African airline industry by becoming the first in Africa and the only second airline operator in the world to own the Boeing 787-800 Dreamliner.

The other airline company in the world that has the Dreamliner is All Nippon Airways (ANA) of Japan. The first 787 was officially delivered to ANA on September 25, 2011.

The state-run airline company took delivery of the aircraft named ‘First African’ on August 14, 2012 in Seattle, Washington.

The Boeing 787 range of aircraft provides airlines with unmatched fuel efficiency, resulting in exceptional environmental performance, the plane’s manufacturer, Boeing says on its website.

“The airplane uses 20 percent less fuel than today’s similarly sized airplanes. It will also travel at a similar speed as today’s fastest wide bodies, Mach 0.85. Airlines will enjoy more cargo revenue capacity,” Boeing says.

According to Boeing composite materials make up 50 percent of the primary structure of the 787 including the fuselage and wing.

Thai Airways Unveils Details of its A380 Fleet.

Thai Airways International held a pre-launch reception last night (Wednesday, 29 August 2012) to showcase its first Airbus A380-800 aircraft and new products and services.

Thai Airways has configured all six of its A380s scheduled to join the fleet between this year and next with 507 seats in three classes: 12 in Royal First Class, 60 in Royal Silk Class, and 435 in Economy Class.

Thai Airways will take delivery of its first A380-800 on 27 September 2012, it will then take delivery of an additional three A380s during the 2012 Winter Program, with a further two A380s to be delivered in 2013.

First Flights to Hong Kong and Singapore

THAI’s first Airbus A380-800 will operate flights to and from Bangkok-Hong Kong and Bangkok-Singapore beginning 6 October 2012. Upon delivery of the second aircraft in approximately mid-December 2012, THAI will operate to and from Bangkok-Frankfurt as well as to and from Bangkok-Hong Kong. In January 2013, THAI will begin operating the Airbus A380-800 to and from Bangkok-Narita and to and from Bangkok-Paris in February 2013.

The Three Classes

- Royal First Class is fitted with 12 seats that recline 180 degrees, have 83-inch pitch, 26.5-inch seat width, with semi-privacy conventional configuration, have the latest Audio Video On Demand (AVOD) ex2 system with a 23 inch personal entertainment screen that offers 100 movies, 150 television programs, 500 CD albums, and 60 games. Passengers have more personal storage area in Royal First Class, with individual coat storage, in addition to internet connection, Wi-Fi, enables mobile phone use on board, and an electric socket. First Class also features a Royal First Class Bar, spacious lavatory/dressing room, and a Royal First Lounge onboard that serves as a multipurpose area.

- Royal Silk Class is equipped with 60 seats that recline 180 degrees, have 74 inch pitch, 20 inch seat width, with staggered seat configuration for easy access, have 15 inch personal entertainment screen with the AVOD ex2 system that offers the same number of audio and video selection as Royal First Class, complete with a Royal Silk Bar. More personal storage area is provided, along with internet connection, Wi-Fi, mobile phone use on board, and electric socket.

- Economy Class is configured with 435 seats, with 58 seats in the upper deck area and 377 seats in the lower deck or main passenger cabin area, have 32-inch pitch, 18-inch seat width, have 10.6-inch personal entertainment screen with the AVOD ex2 system that offers the same number of audio and video selection as Royal First Class and Royal Silk Class. There is internet connection, Wi-Fi, mobile phone use on board, and electric socket.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What Is Your Problem?

Stealing some time I have now to write this post. I just feel like exploding this morning! It is utterly rude and very inconsiderate to say such thing like that. I wonder sometimes are they really dumb or they are just that ignorant. I really don't understand what is going on in their mind.

I knew that they flew in to visit and all. But sometimes, I really wish to tear their mouth up and just give them a good tight slap. But I could say I am lucky to have my parents around to defend me. That is the only thing that really warm my heart up.

Somehow, I don't know is the generation gap or they are just stupid talking in front of me as if I couldn't hear what they are talking! I was lying there on the bed when they visit. It was like a zoo visit for them. I don't know what is their deal. It really annoys me that they just couldn't stop talking.

It all started with concerns. Then asking about the condition that I was going through. Then, they become doctors. Started to ask my parents about my life style and all. The most stupid question they ask was this.

" I think is because he is gay. He is not normal. That is why his condition doesn't really improved. Maybe should try some medication that can alter him "

I find this super offensive! What the fuck are they thinking? I was about to snap there and letting out my usual temper. My mom kinda step in to this.
I do not think it is a problem. He is perfectly normal. He eats, he walks, he fucks, he swear and he doesn't give a damn on what you think. So I think he is very normal. At least he is not retarded to think what went through that brain of yours.

Yes, that was the exact words came out from my mom. I was like game on MOM!! You rock! I should have took the picture of their faces at that point. It was priceless. Sometimes at points I really wish they these people were just in my position and feel what I felt if someone else did the same thing. But anyhow I am really blessed that my mom is at my back. I am just glad that they are here with me.

Anyhow, just wanna rant. Gonna get back to work.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Gone Too Soon

Listening to this song bring tears to me. I was doing some work and digging into the library for reference. After listening to this song, I kinda knew that knowing what others does won't really help me much. I need to find that part of me which I need to be with now. Why this song would touched others? It is a relatively easy to answer. It is a very honest song by a father's heart. For those who have lost their child. 

Immediately it struck me that I need to keep on breathing no matter what or how my condition is at this present moment. It is pure grief of a father from the tune. I put it back on my parents and I knew nothing could describe from that pain that they will have to go through. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. The words are just piercingly painful.

Today is my fifth dosage here. There are so much going on within. I wanted to reach out but somehow, it just didn't really happen. I lie here in the ward thinking to myself. What if... what if... what if... But it never ends. I wish I could possible pour out everything here. But I just somehow couldn't. I felt that everything is gone. There isn't a space I could just be me. I feel trapped. Helpless. 

Maybe like my younger brother told me. Use this as an inspiration to write my m usic. I couldn't possible tap into the other emotion at the moment. Might as well as make use of this trapped "me" and utilize it. Yeah.. Maybe he is right. But for now, I just wish this dosage is over. Luckily Blogger has their own app. The only for me to let this part of me go freely. I wish everything would be how it was. Leaving behind that a past I couldn't possibly change. Looking around and tell me what you see? Everything, everything but me.

Today could've been the day
That you blow out your candles
Make a wish as you close your eyes
Today could've been the day
Everybody was laughin'
Instead I just sit here and cry
Who would you be?
What would you look like
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon

Would you have been president?
Or a painter, an author or sing like your mother
One thing is evident
Would've given all I had

Would've loved ya like no other
Who would you be?
What would you look like?
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon

Not a day goes by,
I'm always asking why,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a beautiful life we never knew
Gone too soon
You were gone too soon

And not a day goes by
That I don't think of you

Monday, August 27, 2012


Everything was just fine hours ago. And out of no where, my emotions just changed. I really wish all these emotions will just leave me alone. Everything felt like it doesn't meant anything at all. I wish I knew why.

The pain returned and it is still bearable. But why do I feel all these mixed feeling. It's like my heart sank into a deep realm. I really couldn't explained at all. Of all the emotions that I am feeling, there is one that is quite clear. Hopelessness.

I really hate the fact all these emotions are so random. And it just screw me over out of the blue. I really wish Mr D is here now. Maybe he would be able to tell me why is all these crap going on. I really needed an emotion adjustment if there is such word. I was never in control and I wanna be. But how could I do so? I really wish I knew how.

Start Of Something Good

Honestly the last quarter of the year is usually the craziest time. There are so much that is needed to be done with. I am actually kinda hyped up with the crazy time table and datelines that needed to meet. But today, taking a break and I wanna celebrate one great artist with you guys. A new single is being released. Start Of Something Good by Chris Daughtry. I am actually amazed that Chris still have the time to read all the tweets and all. I am very honored to have his retweet within seconds I posted mine. Thank you Chris!

Chris is one of the most successful artist from AI. Clear honesty of emotions from his music. Nothing to hide and rich in his own touch. To be honest, I never had that chance to work with him just yet but hopefully one day. But this song is really a good one. One of my favorites from his latest album Break The Spell. I guess it is just a Capricorn thing. You listen to it and you will understand why I say so. What is in the music of the same star sign. 

I guess this song is pretty straight forward. Somehow, it just cross my mind to share this to someone who is very fond to me. He has a lot to lose. For his own reasons. But I just wonder why he never sees that. But somehow, he is just someone I will never abandon in life. A great friend to me. If you are reading this, I think you know what I meant. Sometimes, we don't really talked much. But you know no matter what, I am here. 

No matter what, I just want you to know that it doesn't matter who you are with. What matters most is who you are happy with. 

You never know when you're gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world, in a moment, comes undone
You're just walking around then suddenly
Everything that you thought that you knew about love is gone
You find out it's all been wrong
And all my scars don't seem to matter anymore
'Cause they led me here to you

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
Don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe that
This could be the start of something good

Everyone knows life has it's ups and downs
One day you're on top of the world
Then one day you're the clown
Well, I've been both enough to know
That you don't wanna get in the way when it's working out
The way that it is right now
You see my heart, I wear it on my sleeve
'Cause I just can't hide it anymore

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
I don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe that
This could be the start

'Cause I don't know where it's going
There's a part of me that loves not knowing
Just don't let it end before we begin
You never know when you're gonna meet someone
And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone

I know that it's gonna take some time
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
That this might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to God that it don't scare you away
I don't want to be misunderstood
But I'm starting to believe
Oh, I'm starting to believe
That this could be the start of something good

Stronger Than Ever

Music always open up many doors of emotions. Maybe not to all but to me it does. Or maybe because I am in the industry, it is something I have to face up everyday in my life. Today isn't really an easy day for me. It isn't the end of the day and I am already at a point where I would just snap up. But I kinda needed this now.

First thing today is some visits of the ones that you don't really wanna see. I know that they flew in from another country but to me, it is just like wanna know whats going on. I don't really feel like talking about it now. All I could summarize is I felt like I am a Zoo that they just enjoy visiting.

I also had a call from my producer this morning. We talked a fair bit and I guess he is right. Time for me to tap into the part where I was running away from all year. And I laid down and think, why am I fearing to tap into those realms? Would I wanna be just another puppet like what happened? Or I need to do what I usually do best. So I popped into my iTunes and selecting a few albums to try getting some inspiration. 

I have kinda choose a few pop rock artists. From Alecia Beth Moore, Linda Perry to Christina Aguilera. I somehow hooked on this song - Stronger Than Ever. By just listening to the song without the singer. Just the music. The emotions that is being build up inside. I feel it flowing through me. It was just really simple. But I wonder how did "N" actually appear in my mind. And I played with the singer this time. Somehow I understood. Why everything is building and to a boiling point. Somehow this is what I really really appreciate music. It is like a language. Everything make sense. Without words. I remembered every memory that I have. The good ones, painful ones, humiliating ones, and even shameful ones. 

I know that this somehow is another crappy post. Sorry that I might be wasting time again talking about things that is irrelevant. Just really need to let it all out. But anyhow, it is a good song. Hope you guys like it.

What you gave me I know you gave me
You remind me all the time
And how you hurt me and you don't see it
Again I am the child

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you push me away
I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way

How I wish you, you suffered less too
It tears us both apart
And it's not pretty the way you criticize me
And how it breaks my heart

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can't abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?

And though you tell me that you love me
I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down
It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong

Sunday, August 26, 2012


I guess when it comes to this word, it brings a lot of things that many of us doesn't wanna face. But no worries, this isn't about preaching any more. I guess to me, we make our own decision. I am writing this post cause I kinda had a heart felt conversation with my mom. I guess it all started with that stupid intervention we had earlier. Somehow, it just made me wanna ask them about all the things I have told them. I wonder that do they really take it seriously or just didn't pay any attention on it. 

Somehow, I was having addiction problems in the past. In many ways, whatever I have said, it is all crap to be honest. From my previous post Dealing With Drugs Issue. As a sober man, I say that is all CRAP!!!! I was clearly having addiction problems. And yet that part of being in denial and wanting a reason to do so. Even now, I can say, I will always be an addict. Deny it all you want, but even when you are sober, deep down there is a place like you are standing at the edge wanting it! Yes even now, I still have that. 

But many asked from time to time, how did I get my edge off? It is not an easy way out. 

I made too many broken promises to myself in the past. At first, I say, I promise that this would be my last dosage. Then, things we kinda fucked up back then, I made myself another promise that I wanna stop after things are getting better. I need it for now. Then later, when things started to get into place. I was still doing it, now for the reason of it excites the stimulation of having sex. Then I promise myself yet again will stop when... the list goes on. 

I clearly had an addiction back then. I have a problem which I didn't think I had. I may not get caught and all but it is not over but until I take responsibility of how low I sink, it is not over. After I figure out that I am not so good in keeping promises myself, I need to start making them to others like my family. I did came out to them about my addiction and all. And that is when I stopped. Till now, it has been successfully 11 months being sober and clean. I don't know how to deal with that urge sometimes when you are on the edge. But keeping that promise to them meant everything to me. 

That is why I need to talk to my mom about it again. I must know that they know it was a promise I made to them cause I am a lousy person when keeping promises to myself. I just had to know she really take note on that promise I made.

I would say, everyone has their own reasons and own thinking of it. I couldn't possibly do anything more to help. But I know I stop making excuses to myself and keeping that promise to the person who gave life to me. There isn't any way better than I thought. Any how, being in the entertainment industry I am being exposed to this environment even easier than anyone else. But to me now, it isn't any better way for me to stay sober than this. I know that trust is so hard to earn from those you promise to. 

Whenever you think you are in control, you are obviously fucked up. Just from years of doing it. I am never am happier than I am now. Your life is worth the few months of recovery for your substance abuse problem. Whether you are 15 or 50, substance abuse will not go away on its own. It is a life long recovery. 


Whenever this word comes up! I will always looking for the hole for me to climb out from it. It all started during lunch that we just ended.

Mom : Boy, your dad and I thinks you need your intervention.
Me    : Not again...

I wanted to like wheel myself out from the restaurant! It was mad! I wonder sometimes where did they ever come up with those conclusions. I am just speechless. I don't deny that sometimes whenever the pain attacks occurs, I will snap and just shut down. And of all people, I thought they knew. Somehow they didn't!

The recent attacks was just last night and yes, I snap again. I somewhat just couldn't control that. But the funny thing is those questions that comes out from my mom and dad.

Mom  : Boy, I think you need to get your sex life back! Your mood swings is getting outta control
Dad    : Boy, it is not wrong to have sex you know. Go get it!
Mom  : Yes, it is very natural! Even you don't have a partner now, you can just get any guy you wanted!
Dad    : Yeah, you should know we are ok with that!
Mom  : But you must remember that safe sex comes first!
Dad    : Maybe it is not such a good idea to have random sex.
Mom  : What era are you from?
Dad    : Look at him, he is still our boy!
Mom  : Oh please! He couldn't even count how many people he ever had sex with!
Dad    : That doesn't mean he have to do it now right? Maybe we should think again about it!
Mom  : It is just sex! He is a big boy now!
Dad    : Hmm... I wonder... Which role would he be!
Me     : DAD!!!!!!!!! Please.. I am having my lunch!
Mom  : Common! We wanna know more. It is just sex!
Dad    : Maybe he is right! Leave him alone.
Mom  : Boy, he is just old fashion! Don't think about what he says! You just get that balance back in you! I really don't mind! But those bed sheets...

Me    : MOM!!!!!! DAD!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! If you guys are not gonna shut those pie hole, I am changing tables and eat alone! I wanna enjoy my lunch in peace! I am fine! Just please give it a rest!

Mom  : Ok. We are just concern! We love you! You know that right! Anyway, about the role...

Me     : MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just couldn't take it! What is wrong with them! I am so not having sex with anyone with them around! And it isn't about me not having sex and all. Oh my god! I really wanted to just pretend I don't know them at all. Sometimes, having to come out to your parents aren't a good thing! This is the drama I have to take in. I know they love me. But this is just not it! That is how my Sunday brunch goes with them.

Every time the word "Interventions" comes out. I just wish I am not the one they are talking to. Who knows what conclusions they might come up with again.

That is my parent! I love you! But please.. No Interventions!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Just Tired Of Talking

Somewhat now and then, I know it is out of concern, but really at this point, I am just tired of talking on my condition. It is something I couldn't choose about or could control. It is not something I would just forget and think it is okay. I just choose not to talk about it. And somehow, I really don't feel quite comfortable talking about it sometimes. Beside Mr D, I kinda like just brush off the topic every now and then. Even like now, I was hyped up in the morning, and hours later, a pain attacked followed by a fever. Everything is like a roller coaster. What can I say about it? Nothing at all. I just have to go with it.

Why Mr D? I dunno, maybe that is what we really able to share and understand. I just dunno how to put this in words. After a long time, especially after nearly 7 years now, I am kinda like tired about it. When it comes, I filled myself with it. When it goes, I just let it be. I wish I could have better control of it but that isn't my call to make.

Sometimes, I sit here and think, beside the pain that the body is feeling, what else could I talk about? Yes, till now it is still hard but I am still progressing at my own pace. I have my family with me too here and believe me it is harder than anyone would think it is. It is really hard sometimes when you have the family here. You know all they wanted is our well-being. But sometimes, we forget that they are human as well. They also have emotions. And the more you see theirs, the more you would hide yours. I know that they will say I don't have to hide and all but common, being real here, they love us for everything we are. My family accepted me. I am well out and open to them and all. And I could say that I am blessed to have them. But the more you love them, the more you just don't wanna see how hurt they are.

I don't know what am I actually talking about here. I just missed my friends and all. But yet, whenever that "How are you now?" is out, I just shut down. I dunno. I miss Shinigami at the moment. I know that now is a very tight and busy time, but I just wanted to let that mask down somehow. I wish I could. I wish.

Anyway, I know all these crap should just be shut aside and I know I will pull through at least for today. Waiting for lunch now. Somehow, I didn't really enjoy the wheel chair as much as I thought I would. Especially in public in this city. Just felt outta place. Yet, trying to put everything behind and trying not to think at all. Just wanted to have my quiet lunch and get over with it.

Your Body - Christina Aguilera New Single Lyrics

Christina Aguilera is back on business and with a killer single! Produced by Max Martin, the club banger, and sexy song "Your Body" serves as the official lead single from the US pop diva's much-anticipated seventh studio album, due in stores in 2012 via RCA Records! After the huge disappointment of "Not Myself Tonight" (back in the "Bionic" era), Xtina needed to play her cards right if she wanted to nail a comeback for 2012. And so she's found 'the' perfect song, courtesy of hitmaker Max Martin. "Your Body" slays 'til limits unknown! It's hot! I dunno about you guys! But I am loving it! Its on my playlist! By the way, this lyrics that I posted is the clean version. Use your imagination until you listen to the song! I love it!!

I came here tonight to get you out of my mind,
I’m gonna take what I find (uh oh, yeah!)
So open the box, don’t need no key I’m unlocked
And I won’t tell you to stop (uh oh, yeah!)

Hey boy!
I don’t need to know where you’ve been,
All I need to know is you and no need for talking
Hey boy!
So don’t even tell me your name,
All I need to know is whose place,
And let’s get walking...

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

It’s true what you heard, I am a freak, I’m disturbed
So come on and give me your worst (uh oh, yeah)
We’re moving faster than slow,
If you don’t know where to go,
I’ll finish all from my own (uh oh, yeah)

Hey boy!
I don’t need to know where you’ve been,
All I need to know is you and no need for talking
Hey boy!
So don’t even tell me your name,
All I need to know is whose place,
And let’s get walking...
Say say hey...

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

I think you already know my name
I think you already know my name

Hey hey, Ha!, Alright, Say

I think you already know my name

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh, (say)
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh

All I wanna do is love your body
Oooooh ooooh oooooh oooooooh
(Say, say, hey)
Tonight’s your lucky night, I know you want it

Keat Hwa Marching Band 2012 Production - Spain (National Championship - Malaysia)

I know this may come a little late after nearly 2 months of the championship. As the championship this year was held in Kuala Terrenganu, the east coast of Malaysia. Top 8 teams qualify for Division One and Top 5 for Division Two. I am dedicating this post to the Division One Champion from Kedah State, SMJK Keat Hwa. Who won the overall title this year.

For my readers who are watching this video above, please do ensure that you are viewing in a higher resolution to listen to the technicality difficulty and maximum enjoyment for the show. I know viewing on video isn't the same as seeing them performing live. It brings you to a different level.

As Marching band is part of what I am passionate of in music. Everything that I am exposed to my early life in Music was Marching Band. Yes, I sounded corny but I admit I am a bandie in the old days. Whenever marching band comes to mind, Most people thinks that Drum Major tossing the mass, under the hot sun march for no reason playing old crappy marches. That was so 80s and 90s. The old days are over. I hope to find a better video to post as this is a close up video with better sound quality. The formations now aren't jus normal marches in boxes and straight lines. The whole production is a complete different show. Every team has 12 minutes to showcase their show. It is how you put people attracted to the show they are playing. How dramatic the music and formations that could catch the attention. Drum Majors are no more in the picture. And with the introduction of Colour Guard few years back. It makes the show interesting.

This year, Keat Hwa a.k.a KHMB showcasing their production theme - Spain.

Sound were solid. The steps were extremely crazy. Technicality wise, it is beyond the standard of secondary school. But there were points that could be sharpen on the whole, a job well done. I love the first movement and last movement a lot. I guess it is how the arrangement is. Crazily powerful. And the last part where the colour guard was thrown over the players. The ending was superb. In many occasions, I wonder where did all these high school students has the ability to like run through out the whole show and playing at the same time. Reminded me of what Nishihara of Japan did in 2010 production. Yes, you didn't read it wrongly. It is running. Not marching. And the solos! MAD!!!

Anyhow this is just a superb show. I know what it did to me was begging for more after it ends. Through out the show, my favorite part is from 8:37 onward. Love their crazy half step and jazz runs. Awesome job!! For those who are wondering what are jazz runs. Here you go. Jazz Runs on wiki.

If you guys wondering who are those fellas walking around while they are performing, they are the field judges.

Just to share with you guys. Anyway, time for bed for me. Nitey!!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Yet Another Tragedy

Another maniac enjoying his 2nd Amendment freedom by shooting people. Awesome. I love the "freedom" that guns give us! Nothing says "freedom" like looking over your shoulder during a visit to NYC and wondering if you're going to get shot. Nothing says "freedom" like going to school and wondering where you can escape if a lunatic starts shooting up the room with a military-grade assault rifle. Nothing says "freedom" like opting to stay at home to watch a movie rather than enjoy a night at the theater because some nut with hurt feelings but lots of guns might take it out on a bunch of innocent friends and families.

We will never be FREE of this gun violence until all guns are banned, confiscated, and the 2nd Amendment overturned. Enough is enough already. First Colorado, then yesterday 19 in Chicago. Now in New York!
What has gone wrong?

Yes, I feel the anger. Because innocent people died from all this crap! What is going on? New York is a Gun-Free-Zone! And yes I am aware that criminals doesn't obey the law. What this is getting out of hand. I am not a citizen of the free country but I lived there. I love everything about this beautiful place but.. I am really out of words to say anything at the moment. My prayers and condolences to the families that suffered from this tragedy. I feel your pain. 

Reported Live on CNN

A woman was killed in the shooting, which occurred as people were lining up to gain entry to the busy tourist destination on 34 Street and Fifth Avenue.

An elevator worker from inside the Empire State Building ran outside and began chasing the alleged shooter, CNN producer Rose Arce said. At some point police, who were apparently inside the building, were alerted and chased and the alleged shooter.

[Updated at 10:33 a.m. ET] The body of the alleged shooter is lying outside the entrance to the Empire State Building after a shooting broke out Friday morning, leaving at least two dead, New York City officials said.

A woman was also killed in the shooting, which occurred as people were lining up to gain entry to the busy tourist destination.

An elevator worker from inside the Empire State Building ran outside and began chasing the alleged shooter, CNN producer Rose Arce said. At some point police, who were apparently inside the building, were alerted and chased and the alleged shooter.

Arce talked to several international tourists who were standing around. "They were completely stunned by what happened and were screaming," Arce reports.

[Updated at 10:17 a.m. ET] Ten people were shot outside the Empire State Building, leaving two dead, including the gunman, New York City officials said.

A witness told CNN she saw a man lying in the middle of the street surrounded by police.

"I saw blood on the sidewalk," Rebecca Fox said. "It was a very surreal scene."

[Updated at 10:09 a.m. ET] A suspect started shooting outside the Empire State Building this morning, killing at least one person, New York city officials say.

The suspect had a "large gun," a witness told CNN.

[Updated at 9:55 a.m. ET] - At least 10 people were shot Friday in front of the Empire State Building in New York Friday morning, the New York Office of Emergency Management said.

A suspect in the shooting was shot and killed by police, New York police said.

Authorities converged on the building around 9 a.m. after reports of gunfire.

A witness told CNN's Rose Arce that the gunman ran after and shot a man in the head. An unarmed guard chased the gunman away, the witness told Arce.

Police have closed several several streets around 5th Avenue and 34th Street in Manhattan.

New York resident Max Kaplan, 22, said he heard at least nine gunshots. He said several ambulances have arrived at the scene.

"We're all very shaken up at the office," he said.

The Empire State Building is one of the most famous skyscrapers in the world, and one of New York City's best-known tourist attractions.

Each year, about 4 million people visit the building's two observation decks. At more than 1,453 feet tall, the landmark building reaches more than a quarter-mile into the sky.

A Laughter Brights Up Every Soul

Laughter is always the best medicine~

I couldn't agree more than that. Somehow that is what friends are for. It all just started with a simple crappy post and she just got struck by it. It was I Dreamed A Dream - Les Mis post. Ok, common, who will love that song if there isn't that connection there.

It started of with just a normal conversation. Something wasn't right at all with her when I hear her voice. Somehow she opened up slowly. Somehow, I couldn't possible not relate to that "Special Connection" that Capricorn and Scorpio always have. I know this isn't all would understand. But that balance point with the two extremes. I feel every part of her that she was yearning for. It isn't anyone's fault but just the build up within her that leads to that breakdown.

Oh lord, the only thing was in my mind was just give her that hug that could calm everything down. But with our location, it isn't possible. Thousand miles away, I was just keep thinking how to make her feel better. But in the end, she did! And she love it and the conversation ended with such non stop laughter.

Sometimes, it isn't easy at all for anyone of us to be at anyone's position. But the thing we share between us is the understanding between us. And I am the only one to have that girl talk with her. (Sounded pathetic for me but true! Lovin it! :p)

The point is no matter where we are, sometimes, it just needed a friend when things looks bad. I know you will be reading this. This song Bella Notte on the playlist is specially for you. I know you will love it! Please read this with ya lappy~ You will hate me more when you hear it. No one would understand why but us! LOL!! I know I love you baby! This is for you!

For my readers wonder what makes her laugh non stop, please copy this link below and check it out. Just type your name and enter!

Try This! You will love it!

Remember this picture years ago from Boston??? Love you babe!! Smile!!!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I Dreamed A Dream - Les Mis

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

"I Dreamed a Dream" is a song from the musical Les Misérables. It is a solo that is sung by the character Fantine during the first act. The music is by Claude-Michel Schönberg, with orchestrations by John Cameron. The English lyrics are by Herbert Kretzmer, based on the original French libretto by Alain Boublil from the original French production. Named J'avais rêvé d'une autre vie

The song is a lament, sung by the anguished, dying and impoverished Fantine, who thinks back to happier days and wonders at all that has gone wrong in her life.

I guess if anyone of us look at the lyrics and listen to how it was being presented, in any of our own ways, we are able to relate to this song somehow. I would say brava to the arranger for Anne Hathaway's version. The intensity of the flow is just amazing. It fits her perfectly. 

As for myself, I guess that would be easy to relate. In the terms of life, love, family, it just fits in. But I am not gonna talk about myself in this post. Or I should rephrase, I will TRY not to talk too much about it. 

Some point in life we will feel that we really grew up a little too fast and sometimes looking back at our own mistakes and all, we feel why could we be that way. I meant I am a dreamer myself. I would live in my own dream world that I build. Somehow being in reality sucks but nothing we could change that. But with a dream we would able to bring that beauty of life in. But we somehow still have to wake up to reality.

I was inspired to write about this song after a close friend of mine who just posted this on facebook. I realize I didn't really named him on my blog yet. Hmm... Lets go on with Sweetie The Lion. :p

But being said that, this song was based on the musical Les Mis. One of the best ever broadway shows I have watched. (Wicked will still be my number one) In the times of revolution in France, they were suffering. But suffering is every where. We suffer. In which extend it differs. But this is just a beauty that if it wasn't being shared. I loved this version so much. I hope all of you love it too.

Some Reasons

Sometimes, it is not easy to keep the composure and pretend that we are just alright. But it is easier to hide within the music we listen to. Or maybe this is a work thing for me. There is a soul who once told me that being emotional is part of my profession of being a song writer. It never really struck me till I hear him saying that to me.

Today, I still miss him. But he really put on a smile on my face whenever I think of Baby J. I learned so much through out the years of being apart from him. Learning the way life could possibly teach us to be. Being weak isn't a reason for us to give up. I must admit maybe I learnt it the hard way. But it molds me into this person I am now.

3 years 4 months now and still counting. I felt the blessing and all with the beauty of his way of teaching me. Maybe I don't make any sense again but it is somehow a way for me to keep going on. What a wonderful life it has been I must say. We are still human aren't we? It is just normal to feel happy, sad, despair, giving up and all. All this sums up and makes us a better person I suppose.

Somehow there is still that anger which is build within. I am trying to control everything of it at the moment. But sometimes, it isn't easy. I know the only victim to my anger are my family members. I could like snap sometimes out of nothing. I am still looking for that peace from music.

I must say, the most played song at the moment is Ashes And Wine on my iTunes. I couldn't help to notice that beautiful lyrics of that song. Something honest, the way of seeing a broken bond. But in a good way. It is funny thing that music could relate to what we feel. I always says that music is a language that we human could use to communicate and understand each other. The beauty of it that the emotions that flows in us when the tunes suck us into it.

Anyhow, for some reasons, I need to stop finding the reason to feel terrible on the bed. I know nothing could change what I am going through right now and I know the only thing I could do is take my first steps and start moving on. I need to change that anger into strength and take the steps I should be. The pain is always there and I must somehow change it into the way life is. Nothing is permanent. And I must see that it is just time for me till I get up.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Light Up My World

Lying here on a beautiful day listening to Levi on my iPod and thinking. Sometimes it would just take a simple thing in life to make us thankful of what we have. There's a certain young blogger that I recently came across. He reminded me of what a beautiful life we are living in. Being stripped down to the core and be who we are.

Remembered once Cornflakes told me that how could we go through things that we couldn't possibly think we could. The consequences and the risk of being weak of to stand up for ourselves. People help the people, if I had the strength to go on.

Closed my eyes and letting the beautiful piano bring me to my. Own world. I wonder sometimes how life would be for me if I hadn't have any of this crap I'm going through now. But yet, the moment came when the only two souls that gives us life, smile and tell us everything will be over soon. Without a doubt, I believed them. I shut out all the thoughts I had earlier. It granted me freedom. There isn't any chances for me to even change my mind. I understood what was the meaning of going on. The reason was just simple. It was love. It is love. Unconditional love. A mothers love.

I guess I am not making any sense again. But looking at a better place, I knew I will not stop living. I will have to embrace the pain. Taking myself to a better place. I kept telling myself, don't tear me down. Don't ever do that. The heart of me within the tune that flows out are the voices of my heart. People understand when they listen to it. Without lyrics, it brings you to where my heart is beating.

Oh well, I'm sorry to write another crappy post. But somehow, I just wanted to let things out. Counting every day. To the day I'm back to where I use to be. I know time is all I needed for now. I miss all of my biggie! I know it may sounded Irrelevant to many but I know those who understand what is this about knows where I am heading to. All I wanna say,

I miss you very much.

Where Broken Heart Goes

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Live to love and love to live. The motto that I held on my entire life. Just a regular guy who loves what I am passionate in life. A song writer and producer. Living life on the move. From Malaysia to The States, New Zealand to Singapore. With the companion of great people in life. In and out from the music industry. Taking everything one step at a time. 
Eric believe what Eric says~ Cuz Eric is God~